Tuesday night ramblings

I'm just doing a quick check-in.  I don't know if I have writer's block going on or what.  I can't think of a thing to share right now.  I'm looking forward to running next Friday with Enz...I'm back full force on Phase One of Dr. Poon's diet...But you already know all that.

I'm hungry right now, but fighting the urge to eat something.  Actually, let's explore that a bit more.  I'm not hungry (I ate grilled Salmon with broccoli and salad for dinner), I ate plenty for dinner, maybe I'm just feeling snacky.  It's 10:30pm, so I'm certainly not eating now.  Perhaps I'll drink a couple glasses of water instead.

Argh!  What's going on with me?  I usually can't shut up and right now I feel like a run-on sentence.  I've spent the evening reading blogs and I did not feel inclined to comment on many.  Not usually like me.  Am I going through blog block?  Maybe I'm having an off week for blogging.  I'm struggling to write here.  I think I'll go to bed and read some of my trashy romance novel.  I'm sure the Earl and Governess have some saucy hi-jinx and of course the ever present misunderstanding that will entertain me.

This is how I feel right now:

Seriously wouldn't be anywhere near a rat though...

On that silly note, I'm going to remember my diet and go to bed feeling like I want to snack, but I'm not going to do anything about it.  So in the words of German electronic music group Snap, I've got "the power":) 

Phase two follies

Well I went to see my family doctor yesterday for my weigh-in.  I was one day shy of not being weighed for three weeks.  That is a LONG time.  Over the last three weeks, I have lost a whopping....drum roll please....one pound.  That's right, I said one pound.  I know, I know.  What happened to my 5 pounds every two weeks record.  I kept that up for a while.

Well I take full responsibility since I know exactly what I have done over the last few weeks.  I had a drinking evening with friends, I've been eating a lot phase 2 veggies (and not following the serving size restrictions) and I've also eaten more phase 2 carby stuff, and some phase 2 snacky things.  And most importantly, I stopped keeping a food journal for a couple of weeks.

I never full out cheated (meaning that I still have not had any processed carbs or sugar), but that's not the point.  I lost a bit of momentum and maybe I needed a bit of break.  Even though nothing like bread or pasta or rice or sweets or chips or anything like that has touched my lips, I have been sloppy with my diet.  And even though on phase 2 I'm allowed 8oz of wine in one day, on my drinking night, I had like 48oz!!!!!!  Yeah, I went a bit overboard, but I'm also exaggerating on the 48oz:)

So am I upset?  Nope.  Not even a bit.  I think I needed a bit of room to wiggle and now I'm good to go back onto strict phase 1 again.  I'm getting weighed in less than two weeks and I want to see the scale go down.  In two weeks today, I start the learn to run clinic with Enz.  I'm soooooooo excited.  We're also looking to sign up for gentle yoga with the local Parks and Rec.  So I really need to get my butt moving, and that will also help with the weight-loss.  On a positive note, I still do the stairs all the time!

I really hope that this is my yoga instructor...

I think I was getting lazy (and bored) with my meals and was making the same things over and over.  I have a bunch of new recipes to check out and I will start posting recipes again.  I was going to try some out this weekend, but new recipes will be delayed one more week because my hubby is away for the weekend and I have to keep the boy entertained.  So in order to get my weight-loss back on track, I have started back on strict phase 1 again, and I'm keeping my food journal again.  In a couple of weeks, I'll also be running three times a week.  I'm looking forward to seeing the changes once again!

La famiglia day

Today was Family Day in Ontario.  A statutory holiday that encourages us to spend more time with family.  My hubby, son, dog and I took an hour and a half walk this afternoon.  It was a beautiful, sunny day and I really enjoyed getting out of the house with the boy (who can always use exercise), and the mutt (who needs regular exercise).  And of course me, who requires as much exercise as I can handle.

This is me and my dog, Finn.  We're watching Julien on the jungle gym.

 Although Jules walked part of the way and burned off some energy at the jungle gym, I got the biggest workout because I pulled his 55 pound body throughout downtown Hamilton in his red wagon.  When we were about a kilometer from home, Julien complained he was tired and didn't want to take a long walk any more.  Really?  It was me who pulled him all over the place!  Oh well, the important thing is that we were spending time together and doing something other than sitting in front of the TV.

My husband was looking at me today and asked how much weight I've lost.  I haven't weighed myself since I was weighed at the clinic more than two weeks ago.  I get weighed at my family doctor on Thursday afternoon, so I will report then.  So as far as I know, I'm still at 60 pounds lost.  He claims that I look like I have lost weight again...in my boobs!  My mother-in-law actually said the same thing to me back at Christmas.  Do I mind losing weight in my chest?  Nope.  When I was in high school, I was a B-cup.  I've never been terribly big chested.  Even being plus-sized, I was never bigger than a C.  Not even when I was pregnant and later when I was nursing.  And I'm definitely okay with that.  My husband may not agree, but I'm okay with losing as much weight as possible in my chest!

I have noticed changes in my body that excite me.  I can now comfortably wear my wedding band.  In fact, it is getting loose on me.  When I got married, I was 60 pounds bigger.  In an attempt to not have to admit that I needed a bigger ring size than the samples, I ordered my ring a couple of sizes too small.  I think it's a nine.  I wore it on my wedding day, then took it off and only started wearing it again since Christmas.  This is a big change because it easily slides on and off, and no longer cuts off my circulation.

A perfect fit:)

My collar bones are also sticking out quite prominently.  I haven't seen those for a good 11 years!  I also noticed that I have bony shoulders and I can feel my pelvic bones.  I can also feel the ribs under my breasts.  I still have a ways to go, but it is exciting to feel changes in my body.  I still have horrible areas that right now, I'm convinced, will never improve.  Those will likely always be my controversial areas that will never make me happy.  My upper arms and upper thighs, my abdomen.

I've read on a few blogs about people worrying about loose skin and thinking about surgery after they've finished losing weight.  I respect anyone's decision to do what they need to in order to feel better about themselves.  I've also thought about this and the jury's still out for me.  I don't think I could make that decision until I'm in that place and have reached my weight-loss goal.  That being said though, I loved my imperfect over weight body, so I may just love my imperfect health weight body too.  Only time will tell.

Catch up

With all my family strife over the past few weeks, work got a little neglected.  I'm having to play catch-up now and get back into the swing of doing the magic I do for my clients.  I always have extreme feelings of guilt when I don't do my job to my full potential.  After all, my actions at work affect others more than they affect me.  Therefore, I spent this week seeing some youth I haven't seen in a while and I'm finally getting back into my regular schedule.  I always rest easier when things are planned out the way they should be and I see my kids regularly.

I'm VERY excited because I'm spending some time this weekend with friends and I'm going to relax and let loose:)  That's right! I'm going on phase 2 of Dr. Poon's diet and I'm going to enjoy some wine.  I get weighed at my family doctor on the 23rd and if my weight-loss number is not as big as I'm used to, I'm okay with that.  I've worked pretty hard up till now and I need to relax once in a while.  I'll get myself back on track again.  It took me a long time to gain 130 pounds, so it can take me a while to lose it too.  I'm not going anywhere and I'm not in a race against any clock.

My will power is still strong.  Yesterday I was on treats for my team meeting and I made two loaves of chocolate chip walnut banana bread.  And didn't eat any of it.  My poor team, I plied them with all my Christmas baking an got rid of all the sugar treats from my house.  Although I'm in no danger of eating them, I kept them in the freezer in order to keep them from my hubby.  He does not need to snack on that stuff either.  He's not obese, but complains about needing to lose the same 20 pounds over and over.  It's getting old and I just wish he'd do something about it already.  If he went on my diet for a month, he'd likely be done!  But he can't give up his carbs or his snacking at night!  Men are such whiners!

I'm on a mission to do some new recipes this weekend.  I'm getting a bit bored with what I'm eating and need to take it up a notch.  By eating the same things all the time, I think my body is not working, metabolically, to it's fullest potential.  I'm looking forward to beginning my running clinic with Enz in a few weeks.  If my metabolism hasn't kick started by then, running will certainly start it up again.

I absolutely LOVE banana bread.  Definitely something I miss most:(

The weight

We had a pretty busy weekend.  And I inadvertently began Phase 2 of Dr. Poon's diet.  We went for dinner to a friend's house and there really weren't any Phase 1 friendly foods for me to eat.  So in order to not be rude and difficult, I ate Phase 2 foods...and ribs, that aren't on any phase:)  Oh well, they were delicious!  I carried my Phase 2 eating onto today and ate a chicken soup with cooking onion and carrots in it.  Even though I'm allowed these foods on Phase 2, I still feel like I'm cheating.  I'm feeling a little discombobulated and will be returning to Phase 1 tomorrow.

I don't know why I'm so afraid to move onto the next phase of this diet.  It allows for more carb (through veggies and nuts etc.) which should be a good thing.  I think that because I'm such a carb addict, I'm scared that I can easily fall off the wagon.  This is definitely something I have to work on, because I can't eat the way I do for the rest of my life and will have to learn to live in peace and harmony with carbs.  Can carbs be my friend one day?  I'm not feeling too confident of that right now.

I also cancelled my next appointment with Dr. Stephen.  It was scheduled for this coming Friday, and due to scheduling difficulties, I cancelled.  I would have had to drive and hour away, only to drive right back home because I'm not working on Friday.  I have a parent observation day at my son's school.  I do have an appointment booked with my family doctor the following week, and that is when I will weigh-in.  So there will be no weigh-in until the 23rd of February.  Seems like a long way off, but since I'm not moving with the clinic I go to, I have no choice but to get my family doctor to monitor me.  S'all good though.  I'm just going to focus on eating well and keeping my food journal.  I can wait, and all will be right with the world again!

Here's a dose of Sunday cuteness:)

The mother of my heart (Thursday morning ramblings)

A few things have happened over the last few days.  Everything involving my father came to a head, I had dinner with my birth mother, and I've let go of some responsibilities in my life so I can breathe (and sleep) a whole lot better.  How has this all effected my weight-loss?  Well with my nervous stomach, I was barely eating, but that is not a good thing.  When I don't eat, it slows my metabolism down and my weight-loss halts.  Being on a metabolic diet means that I have to eat regularly and eat the right foods for my metabolism to work at it's best.  If I'm not eating, everything shuts down.  I have made a conscious effort over the past couple of days to get back to eating the way I was.  I feel better for it and I'm sure things will return to normal very soon.

The issues involving my dad came to a head the other day and I know that regardless of my own personal beliefs regarding his care, I'm going to have to step back and let my siblings deal with him.  I've been my father's keeper since my mother's death. Over this time no one has offered to step in and help out.  So I am doing what I have to do for my own sanity as well as for my family, I'm stepping down.  I'm just going to have to have faith that my brothers will make good decisions for him and continue to give him good financial advice.  I can't do it anymore and I feel okay with that.

This week I did something I haven't done in a long time.  I cried for my mother.  She's been gone 9 1/2 years now and although I do feel an overwhelming sense of sadness once in a while, I never actually flat out cry for her.  But a couple of times this week, I just full out cried with sobbing and the whole nine yards.  I think I have come to the realization that I am truly alone and have no one except me that I can count on.  My mom was always my pillar and my strength.  When I was scared or upset, I could talk to her.  I love my dad, but we don't have the same relationship.  I don't have a close relationship with him right now, and I need to remedy that.  Although it is hard for me to see him (because he never seems to have time for me and we live an hour apart), he's 81 and I need to continue to make the effort to go and see him. He used to spend way more time with me in the past, but things have changed over the past couple of years and we have grown more and more apart.  I'm much more mobile than him, so I need to work on this more.

I had dinner the other day with my birth mother.  She was in town for some medical tests and we agreed to get together.  I've only seen her three times, once in spring of 2010, just before this past Christmas, and now. It went well and every meeting I have with her is easier.  I don't share the relationship I have with her with anyone in my family.  I just told them once that I began having contact with her almost two years ago.  I think a lot of that has to do with guilt and I think that maybe they won't understand.  I enjoy speaking with my birth mother, but it's really out of curiosity that the relationship continues.  She's my birth mother and I respect her for that.  She doesn't pressure me and I think we've fallen into an amicable comfortableness.  And it doesn't matter how our relationship evolves. The mother who raised me will always be the mother of my heart.

I started reading a new blog by Carbaholic.  She's fairly new to this blogging business and could use some encouragement.  Go on, check her out, and send her some love.  Let her experience first hand the greatness of having followers who care:)  Thanks everyone!

Greek pork tenderloin with garlic roasted cauliflower

Greek souvlaki with garlic lemon potatoes has to be one of my favourite all time meals.  I made a wicked Greek seasoned pork tenderloin in the slow cooker with garlic roasted cauliflower (in place of potatoes).  The only thing missing was the Tzaziki.  And Greek salad.  I could have made a salad, but I'm a bit off salad right now.

For the marinade I used:

1. 2 lemons, juiced
2. 1/2 cup of olive oil
3. 1/4 cup of light soy sauce
4. 2 tsp of dried oregano
5. 6 cloves of garlic, crushed

I put everything, including the pork (2 tenderloins) in a Ziploc bag and shook it around, incorporating everything together.  I left it to marinade overnight. The next day, I put it in the slow cooker with a cooking onion (phase 1 Dr. Poon, don't eat the onion!).  Added some low sodium chicken stock (just to cover) and put it in the slow cooker on low.

Would also be good cut into cubes and made into souvlaki (shish kebob) on the BBQ.

For the roasted cauliflower, I just cut up a head of cauliflower into flowerettes.  I placed them in a large bowl, and added:

1. 1/4 cup of olive oil
2. 1 tsp of half salt
3. 1 tsp of freshly ground black pepper
4. 6 cloves of minced garlic
5. 2 table spoons of dried oregano (or something else you like...Rosemary would be good too)

Mix everything around, I use my hands to make sure everything's incorporated well.  Put it in a glass casserole dish, cover with foil and pop in the oven at 350 for about 25 minutes.  After 25 minutes, remove the foil.  Return to the oven and bake for an additional 10 minutes or until the cauliflower is soft and slightly browned.

This is after I took it out of the oven.

The cauliflower was really yummy.  I was going to make garlic lemon cauliflower (like the lemon Greek potatoes), but chickened out at the last minute because I wasn't sure how tasty cauliflower and lemon would be.  Hope you enjoy:)

My father's keeper

My weight-loss is like clock work.  Another 5 pounds.  I never deviate from the five pounds.  And I am super fine with that.  I imagine at some point in time it will slow down, but in the meantime, I can't believe I lost 60 pounds!  Back in the summer, I was convinced I needed serious medical intervention to lose weight.  Pills or surgery or hypnosis!  Not in a trillion years did I think I would be doing this on my own.

I met with Dr. Stephen for my second last appointment.  I feel confident I will be able to continue on the diet with the help of my family doctor.  He will monitor my weight and blood pressure after the end of February when the clinic I attend closes.  My blood pressure was a bit up today, but that is expected with all the stress I've been under.

Thanks to all for their support regarding my last post.  The waters have not yet calmed but I think things are headed in the right direction.  I feel a little better about things, but I won't feel completely whole again until everything is resolved (hopefully) on Tuesday.  There is an innocent victim here (my father) and I will do what ever I need to in order to protect his health and well-being.  My father has been put at financial and emotional risk, and it stops now!

On a happier note, I'm really looking forward to starting my learn to run clinic in 5 weeks with Enz.  We walked 5k last weekend.  I got wicked blisters on the backs of my ankles and they are still sore.  When I wear shoes, my ankles are super sore by the end of the day.  By next week I should be fine and able to resume normal activity.

While blog reading I came across a great Turkey Cauliflower Hash recipe that could be altered to become Dr. Poon approved.  Check it out, it's from Roxie-Girl's blog.  To make it Poon friendly, you just need to use olive oil in place of butter, green onion in place of yellow or white onion, and a splash of 1/2 and 1/2 instead of a 1/4 cup of heavy cream (just to moisten it up).    Stay tuned for my pork tenderloin with garlic roasted cauliflower recipe...tomorrow!