No grains, no gains - Dealing with body shape and body size changes

A group of Primal/Paleo/Grain Free women who blog about their experiences/life/benefits without grains. A great way for others (who may be WANTING TO LOSE WEIGHT, reverse an acute/chronic health trend, and/or transition from commercial weight loss programs) to read about real life women who are living the life and succeeding.

This month's topic is dealing with body shape and body size changes. This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. It's no secret that last winter I had a bit of an emotional breakdown due to my self esteem issues. I got myself into therapy and I'm still attending therapy in regards to this. I'm going to let you in on a secret. Just because you lose the body weight equivalent of another adult woman does not mean you automatically feel good about yourself. That is the honest to God truth. Confidence is a lot of work. Just like maintenance. And it's something I struggle with everyday...just like maintenance.

I have been following the Paleo lifestyle since March 2013. I find Paleo the best option for me for maintenance. While I was still in active "weight-loss mode" I was somewhat leaner. I can tell the difference even if others couldn't. I was leaner but not necessarily stronger. I don't count portion size or calories on Paleo, but if I notice undesirable changes in my body, I cut out nuts, cut way down on fruit and stick to mostly protein and less starchy vegetables. Just making those changes will cause my body to return to what is my normal within a week. It's a foolproof system for me. 

I am slightly bigger following Paleo than I was when I first reached maintenance. That's not necessarily a bad thing though. My legs are muscular and I feel strong. I feel that even though I'm curvier, I'm stronger. As long as I keep up with my running and exercise regime and am on point with my eating, my body stays the way it should. Funny that for the first time in my life I do not own a scale. I was obsessed with the scale my entire life. It had the ability to make or break my day. I haven't been on a scale since July when I got weighed during my fitness assessment at the gym. Prior to that, I hadn't been on one since early spring of 2014. Crazy you say? Maybe, but I'm in pretty good tune with my body and I can tell when things are off. 

I was doing strength training at the gym. This was definitely a good thing for me because I have zero upper body strength. I found that the gym made me super hungry and I was eating all the time. I also started running less which was not such a good thing for me. Running lots and eating Paleo works best for my body. The running keeps my metabolism up so I can eat without worrying about counting calories or portions. I haven't been to the gym in a month. I definitely need to go back, but I've had to booked an appointment with my family doctor to have my right rotator cuff checked out. I'm not sure if I damaged or tore it at the gym, but it has been aching me since before I went to Stockholm/London. To the point that it bothers me at night and causes my entire arm to ache. Right now I'm focusing solely on running again and I'm back to running 5 days per week. Although I considered going to the gym in the interim to do some yoga and pilates, I'm hesitant to do anything that will require I use my arms/shoulders because I don't want to do further damage.

So do I accept my body the way it is now? There is always room for improvement. I'm still a work in progress. I have definitely come a long way, but my self perception is still trying to catch up with how everyone else sees me. I do like what I see when look in the mirror, but the way I envision myself in my mind is completely different than how others see me. It's hard to understand unless you have lost the body weight equivalent to 2 Irish Setters (140 pounds). It's a constant struggle but one that I will continue to tackle because the alternative is not an option. I have said it before and I'll say it again. Nothing tastes better than missing out on my son's life or my good health. I've worked hard to get where I am and I'll be damned if I go back to where I started. Nothing I could eat is worth that!

Check out my blogging peeps. They're going to share their views on their personal body changes/issues/acceptance. Everyone has different experiences. Looking forward to seeing their take on this subject.

For Life
Garden Girl

Picture on left taken the summer of 2011. Picture on the right taken one week ago.

The post about a London adventure, feeling shite and getting back to reality

Flight from Stockholm to London...then at my lodging in London!

Thanks to Lynda over at Living the Life, I was able to recreate my lost blog from last week. If you've already read this, skip over it. If not, you can still skip over it. I re-entered it for me to be honest:-) Thanks all the same Lynda. You rock!!!!

What an adventure I have had. Time to return to reality:-) And trust me, I'm so happy to be home with my family. It was definitely hard being away from Julien. Especially since he was cast a few days before I left. He is no longer in a cast. Turned out his broken fibula was just a sprain. Thank goodness!!!!

I traveled from Stockholm to London on the 16th. I had a hard time that day. I was missing my family. And I was nervous to be traveling to London alone. Getting from Heathrow to Central London seemed a daunting task. And it was. I landed at the most inopportune time. Five pm. That's right. I got into London during rush hour. I was stuck in a subway car with no escape at 6:30pm. Luckily some Londoner in a suit took pity on me and got me out of the Tube at my stop. I think crying uncontrollably helped!

I stayed in Camden in Central London. Which was awesome. Walking distance to everywhere. And surprisingly enough I knew about a lot of places in London from the historic romance novels I read. Hangs head in shame...

Sites seen around London:-)

• I was blessed to meet some really awesome people in London. I was treated like a Queen. I met up with Frank whom I follow on Twitter. He took me around London on foot. I honestly have no idea how far we walked, but we walked a lot. Such a gentleman Frank was. We've been friends on Twitter for a while and it was a pleasure to finally meet him.
• I also met with my best friend's cousin. We haven't seen each other since the "wedding party" seven years ago, so it was super great to catch up! Val took me to Cafe Rouge at Hays Galleria for salad and wine. Lots of laughing an a fun evening!
• I also had the very humbling privilege of meeting with a couple of my favorite bloggers Tanvee and Ayesha. Such an awesome experience and such beautiful women inside and out. And I got to meet Tanvee's extremely lovely husband Terrence. Such a great person and they are so incredibly cute together! 

Clockwise: Ayesha, Tanvee and Terrence, Val, Frank

Something that was not on point during my vacation? My exercise and food consumption. I ran the half marathon with Tanya on the 13th...and that's it. Yes I walked a lot, but didn't run again until yesterday morning. I ran a pretty brutal 6K. I knew it wasn't going to be fun, but I sucked it up and did it. I felt better for having gotten out there. This evening I'm cycling 21K up the escarpment and back down. Need to just get right back into doing what I need to do. 

While away I definitely over indulged. In wine and cheese. No grains, but wine, cheese and sauces. In Sweden the cheese is ridiculously delicious. Cheese and dates and wine. And in London, the blue cheese is equally delicious. I have eaten more cheese in the past couple of weeks than I have in the last year before that! So how did my digestive system do with all this cheese? It got used to it. Dairy no longer bothers me. This is not good! So starting yesterday...No more dairy! And wine only on the weekend again. And only protein and veggies grown above ground for the next month. I feel bloated and ugh! My clothing still fits, but doesn't feel right. I don't have a scale since we moved but I will be weighing in at the gym. I need to detoxify.

And I need to start running regularly again. Running is my favorite exercise. It's what works me the hardest and I felt best physically and emotionally when I ran 5 days a week. So starting yesterday, I'm going back to my 5-day running schedule. Mondays and Fridays are my running rest days. Today I'm going to cycle, but in the future those are the days I'll be going to the gym. So I aim to be active everyday of the week. 

Next month I find out if I'm going to be heading back over the pond in April to run the London Marathon. If I get a lottery spot, it will be my first and likely only marathon. My Morton's Neuroma makes it very difficult for me to run long distance. The half marathon and 30K is doable for me. Doable but painful. Adding another 12K onto that could be torturous. But if given the opportunity, I'd have to do it. It will be a challenge and I won't back down from a challenge.

So here I am. Back in reality. It's great to be home with my family again. I missed them loads. And Skype is an awesome thing. Even when you're far away, you don't feel like it. Back to work today. A crisp fall day it's going to be. My favorite time of year for the clothing options. And I'm bringing my lunch. Two cans of salmon, broccoli and lots of cucumber. Today is day 2 of Operation Detoxify European Vacation. I'm not even going to remotely whine or complain. I could have done things differently and chose not to. So now it's time to pay the piper. And I need to just do it:-)

Drank cappuccino every day here in London. Apparently I am the nations favorite coffee place:-)

The post about some wicked jet-lag, runnapalooza and thoughts on maintenance

Starting to feel normal again.

The past few weeks has been chaotic. Between events leading up to my European trip, to the actual trip, to the aftermath of coming home and dealing with the jet-lag...oh the jet-lag:-( It took me a full week to get back on my normal sleeping schedule. Funny, I didn't feel the jet-lag going to Europe, just coming home. Was in bed most nights by 8pm and up super early all week. Finally starting to feel like myself again. Back on my regular eating and exercise schedule.

In a jet-lag haze during the week, I did something I have never done before. I deleted my last blog. Don't ask how it happened. I'm not sure myself. It happened from my phone. With the push of a button, it was gone. I don't even have it in my to try and recreate it. It was about my London trip. In a nutshell, I met people, I walked a lot, I saw a ton of stuff and almost got killed by the fast moving vehicles that drive on the wrong side of the road. And I missed my family...a lot!

When I got back from my European adventure, I hadn't run since the half in Stockholm on the 13th. I started running regularly again last Sunday. And I'm back to running 5 days per week. It's what works best for me. I haven't been back to the gym in weeks. And I will go back. But I think I'm going to look at the classes. I felt bigger going to the gym. I like the way I feel and look when I run. Just running this past week has made me feel a difference in my jeans. They are getting looser once again. That and I've had little dairy and  fruit and no nuts. It would be awesome if I could have a trainer all the time, but I can't afford that. And the yoga and spin classes will do me well and make me work on the areas I need work on. My core especially with the yoga. I'll still do the machines for my shoulders and arms, but all the leg work I was doing? I don't think it's as important. I get lots of leg work through running.

My runs over the last week. I'll add 2K to my Sunday run till I get to 20K.

I've had conversations with several  people over the past few weeks about weight-loss versus maintenance. I've been asked a few times what I think is harder. Losing weight is hard work for sure. And mentally, it's more rewarding. When I was obese, I thought that all my troubles would go away if I was just normal size. And I had no lofty ideas about what my final weight would be. Initially, my goal was to be able to shop in regular size clothing stores. That meant fitting into a size 14. Sounded good to me. I wore size 24+ when I started. I never thought that I'd be wearing a size 8 and fitting into (M) clothing.

I'm not even sure how getting down to the size I am now happened. It just did with running and eventually, no matter if I ate less and exercised more, my size stopped changing. I just stayed the same. I guess this is where my body naturally wants to be. And that's fine. When I was losing weight, it was exciting. My body changed fairly frequently and it was so motivating to see the results. Kept me on plan. I had a goal I wanted to reach, which was to just keep seeing changes.

Once you hit maintenance, that stops. I work just as hard as ever, but I see minimal change right now. And to get any change, I have to work twice as hard. I'm not complaining mind you. My options are very limited right now. I either keep working as hard as I ever have to maintain my results, or I don't and start a steady weight gain again. My European vacation was a great lesson for me. Showed me that I cannot slack off even for a couple weeks without it affecting my body in a negative way.

I exercise daily. I eat a fairly regimented diet and have had to let go of a lot of foods I love for good (ie: grains, refined sugar). As much as I'd love to just eat whatever I want, I can't. And if I ever start doing that, it means I have given up on my health and I pray to God that never happens. Because no matter how much work I have to do now and have been doing over the past 3 years since I began my lifestyle change, it is worth it. The life I have right now is worth it. My family is worth it, and so am I.

Being back to work means eating out again. There's always something on the menu for me.