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| Pictures taken this past week. I like the way I look in all of them. I'm curvy and I think I look strong. Strong and healthy is my goal. Big giant head in top left pic:-) |
- So I touched on not feeling 100% in my last post. It's true. I have been ignoring...avoiding...pretending like they're not really there, some pains I've been having. You know, hoping they'll just go away on their own. They haven't. I go for my physio assessment on Wednesday. My physio guy Graham is no longer at Highland Physio in Dundas. But I did track him down to Meadowlands Physio in Ancaster, so I booked my assessment with him. I got discharged from physio in December 2013. I've almost gone a year pain free. But running and gym stuff does wear and tear on your body. It was only a matter of time before I had to go back. Physio is not a bad thing, it will keep me running.
- New and improved pains include neck (can't comfortably check my blind spot) and right rotator cuff. My old left hamstring injury is back too. I can feel it quite pronounced when I run long distance. So I'm basically a mess. And even rest (2 weeks off exercise while in Europe) did not help. So I'm getting real and getting this stuff dealt with. I need to run, bottom line.
- I am still in therapy for my self esteem issues. Haven't talked about this in a while. Although I am still a work in progress and y'all may have gotten sick of hearing how much I love myself, I still struggle day to day about how I feel about me and how I see myself. Shocking, right? That after almost 2 years on maintenance, I am still struggling with the same shit. But that's my reality and the reality of anyone who has dealt with a big weight loss. It takes a lot of time for my inner self to see what you all see. And I so appreciate all your kind words. They help tremendously. But this is not something that is fixable overnight. I wish it was that easy, and I'm holding out hope that one day, my mind will catch up with what I see in the mirror.
- So this week I took some pictures of myself as per my therapists advice. Not daily like she wants me to but enough so that I can appreciate how I look. I never give myself enough credit. And I rarely know how to respond when I get credit from others.
- One of the best compliments I can get is from a total stranger who has no idea where I've been and is shocked to find out I weighed 300+ pounds at one time. It happened on the plane ride home from London. A couple I was sitting beside and chatting with questioned why I wouldn't eat the pasta dinner or the chicken wrap option offered. I can hide my flaws well and when I explained a bit about my journey, they were truly shocked. And the wife actually refused to believe me until I showed her my before picture from my phone (always keep one handy in case I think of eating off plan). That kind of response makes me realize that I need to give myself credit where credit is due. I should be proud of my accomplishments. There are so many others in my life who are, and I never give myself accolades when I should.
- This means I am going to work on appreciating my appearance much more than I have been. Whether I post a picture on Instagram or Tweet something I like about myself, it's important that I feel love and appreciation for me. I can see beauty in everyone...unless you have an ugly heart, but I need to appreciate the beauty in myself too. Weight loss isn't as cut and dry as I expected. Not only is maintenance a lot of hard work, but so is body acceptance. This is so different than what I envisioned in my mind when I started my weight loss journey 3 years ago. I never prepared myself for the emotional repercussions of weight loss.
- My body is finally back to it's happy place. I've no idea what I weigh right now...still, but I can say this with 100% conviction. I feel right once again in my skin and my clothes. Two weeks of running 5 days a week has gotten me back to where I am most comfortable. That and cutting out my weaknesses...nuts and fruit. I ate nuts today, and still eat one fruit serving a day, but more importantly, my metabolism has kicked itself into high gear again and my pace is even improving. Running is what works best for me. And even though I still bike and will get back to the gym once I address my injuries, running has to be my 5-day a week activity. I can't duplicate the cardio or calorie burn in any other activity. Running is my maintenance saviour.
- October is a busy month for me. It's Thanksgiving, Julien's birthday (7 on the 11th), and of course, Halloween. Not sure what's going on with family celebrations for next weekend, but I will plan a fun time for Julien. His party won't be until the 18th but he'll still get a special day on the 11th. Time has flown by. In another month I have to start thinking about Christmas again. And, although we're moved into the new house since July, I still need to paint it from top to bottom. This is when it would pay to be Samantha from Bewitched. Wish I could just snap my fingers and twitch my nose:-)
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| My runs from this week. It's been a while since I had a 40K week. |