Poonapalooza: A picture is worth a thousand words

Saturday, September 22, 2012

A picture is worth a thousand words

I'm a visual person. People telling me daily that I look great doesn't really sink in, or in my convoluted mind, I don't believe them. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to hear, but a little part of me wonders if they really mean it! Silly I know. This is all a huge process, weight-loss. Losing the weight is the easy part. Letting go of my fat girl image and being completely accepting of who I have become is much harder. I know that I look different...better. But when I look in the mirror, all that I see are my flaws. I think that is true for everyone, but I finally want to learn to love myself unconditionally. Something I have never been able to do before.

I posted a picture of my rear end the other day in my beautiful leather coat, and it took a lot for me to do that. Mostly because all I could see were my saddle bags and amply padded behind. Then I came across some photos of me at Julien's baptism (see back and side photos below). I weigh about 295ish here, not much difference in weight from last September when I began my journey. Putting photos side by side really help me see the progress I have accomplished. Instead of being so critical, I need to give myself a pat on the back.

I am learning to love myself more and more every day, but it will take time to get to a truly happy place with myself. Should I be proud of what I've accomplished since it was my fault I ended up at 300 pounds in the first place? It's not like I had an uncontrollable medical condition that made me obese. I made me obese. I read other weight-loss blogs and find so many stories truly inspiring. Why can't I feel like that about my own? Because I have always set my own bar way too high.

I mean I had a pretty uneventful childhood. I wasn't abused or anything. So why was food my comfort? Maybe a little more self-exploration is in order for me to get the root of my unhealthy relationship with food. Talking to a professional about this can only help me. This along with a solid maintenance plan and exercise is the only way I will be able to successfully keep the weight off once I lose my last 20 pounds.

The stats and odds are not in my favour. The same old stat has been floating around for years. That 95% of people who lose a significant amount of weight regain it in three years. I have been that statistic before. I did lose a hundred pounds and regain it (in way less than 3 years). I've said it before and I'll say it again, maintenance is where the real hard work begins. I didn't work this hard over the last year for nothing, and I definitely don't want to become another statistic...again. I can finally say (and mean it), that I'm worth more than that.