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| Sadly, no one narrated my run today...but it was sorta awesome. |
- I have been struggling with my runs over the past month or so. I'm sure some of it has to do with the weather, but some of it also has to do with my depression. I love to run. Lately, I have lost my zeal for running. Every run, even the short ones, are more of a chore than something that I enjoy. Running has always been therapeutic for me. Lately though? Not so much. I find myself anxious before runs. Some of that has to do with my toes cramping due to the Morton's Neuroma, but lately I've been anxious because of the panic attacks. I had another one during my Saturday run. It was a short run, but I had to walk it out for a few minutes before I could continue with my run. Not as debilitating as my panic attack from last Sunday, but scary enough just the same.
- It was one year ago today that I ran my first half marathon. The Chilly Half in Burlington. My finishing time was 2:19:47. I ran a half marathon distance (21.1K) for my long run today. I can't tell you what my time was. My phone froze at 15K. This is the actual route I ran. There was a few inches of newly fallen snow, and a -22C temperature. I also ran the back half of The Bay which meant that I ran the 8 hills. It was a difficult run to say the least.
- When I first started out on my run I had very little confidence that I was going to complete it. I felt emotional for some reason. And I really didn't want to do it. I was feeling real sorry for myself. And I actually thought to skip it all together when I first started out.The first 10K was pretty tricky. Running through the snow was not easy. When I finally made it to the cleared road, I had to switch from road to sidewalk a few times and the last time I made the switch over, I slipped and fell on my hip. I went limp when I was falling so I didn't hurt myself. But I did get snow all over my right side.
- So the first 10K was spent running in the snow, the last 10K was spent running on a cleared road, but up and down a ton of hills. I ran faster because I was finally on a clear surface, and the hills weren't really an issue. Until I got the last giant hill. It was snow covered. That was a tricky hill to run for sure.
- My toes only cramped a little. They probably cramped really badly, but because my feet were soaked, they were also numb and I couldn't really feel them. I had on 3 pairs of socks, but it made no difference. My toes got a bit of frost bite. When I got home and hopped in the shower, my feet were in so much pain it wasn't even funny. I still don't have complete feeling in both my second toes. It will come back though. They're numb but sore at the same time.
- I did feel a bit more confident in my running today. I know I ran slow, but I completed my run without a panic attack, and my head was clear for a change. I'm not even sure what I thought about, if anything. I just ran until I got back to where I started.
- I lay on my couch all day today. I need a massage in the worst way. My whole body is sore. I have not been taking care of myself in that department either. I haven't been for a massage since before Christmas. My massage therapist is going to think I broke up with him. I will call tomorrow and make an appointment for this week. Hopefully he's not booked up.
- Last night I went to the drug store and bought an over the counter sleeping aid. I took it, and although it made me sleepy and I went to bed by 10:30pm, I still woke up at 5am, and I felt groggy. I'm not liking that side effect. I will definitely be using them sparingly, if at all again.
- This weekend has been fairly low key. Got all my chores done in record time and did some work as well. Work has been overwhelming me and I need to do it in stages. So I actually got through a bunch of emails and wrote some letters on Saturday.
- Not sure what else to say right now. I'm feeling nothing. I know I'm not happy, but I'm not emotional like I have been lately either. I'm not confident that will last long. I look rough and have for about a week. I haven't been wearing make-up because I have a good cry at least once a day. Crying + make-up = hot mess. On the bright side, my morning routine is shorter. I'm just looking forward to my therapy session on Wednesday. I really need someone to talk to.
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| Where my phone froze. I made it back to the first dot!!! |
