December 12th is a date swimming in my mind. That is my appointment date for my orientation for gastric bypass surgery at St. Joseph's Hospital in Hamilton. The quagmire (which ironically means dilemma as well as anything soft or flabby) I'm having is...should I go or not? Before I came across the poondiet.com this was the only option I believed I had. I've already done all the weight-loss drugs (all of them except for Xenical are off the market now), weight watchers (good program, but I always fall of the wagon too quickly), and don't even get me started on Dr. Bernstein!
I actually went in for a consultation for gastric bypass just after my son was born (4 years ago), and got approved for the surgery. But then the doctor (Dr. Joffe) lost his license due to sexual abuse against four of his patients. Made sense to me in hindsight why during our consultation his nurse (who looked like a WW II general) sat silent in the room with us. I wasn't sure of her purpose at the time, but now realize that he was being investigated for the sex scandal. Long story short, when my time to receive the surgery came, Dr. Joffe had fled the country and was practicing bariatric surgery in Mexico. I lost my place in line.
This is a sign right? I absolutely should not go. I remember Dr. Joffe insisting that gastric bypass was the only solution that would cure me of my obesity. My conscience tells me not to listen to him, he's a sex offender for pete's sake! Now that I have learned so much about carbs and sugar and how it affects my body, I feel like I have another option. I can stick to my current diet, lose weight in a much healthier way with none of the risks that surgery brings, and have the bragging rights that I did it myself. Not that I'm putting down bariatric surgery. I'm sure it is right for some people. I thought it was going to be my answer.
The last nine weeks has not only brought me 30+ pounds of weight-loss, but it also allowed me to reflect on my struggles throughout my lifetime with my health and weight. I now know that I have to do this on my own (with Dr. Stephen's help) in order to feel like I did this right. Anyone who has had to lose 5, 10 or 100+ pounds knows what an emotionally frustrating, astronomical human feat losing weight is. I feel like I must endure the pain, disappointment, crying, pity and yes, even envy (of all those thin), to get the full experience of my weight-loss journey. I have been through this all before (many, many times) and perhaps I am a bit of a sadomasochist (without the sexual gratification). But you get my drift, I'm tired of trying to look for the easy solution.
People who aren't overweight think it's as simple as cutting down on food and exercising, but for those of us who struggle with this everyday, it's not that cut and dry. There's a whole emotional element that goes hand in hand with weight gain, body image etc. If it was as easy as decreasing food intake and taking a mambo class, the entire world would be in shape. Bottom line is that there is no quick fix. I'm going to have to blubber my way through another weight-loss episode. Only difference is that this time, it's gonna stick. Oh, and I have also decided that I won't be going to the gastric bypass appointment on the 12th. By that time, my BMI (body mass index) shouldn't even qualify me anymore:)
Monday, November 21, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Caught with his hand in the Nutella jar
I had my 6th weigh-in this past Friday. I lost another 6.5 pounds of fat. I'm in a very awkward size stage right now. All my clothes are too big for me, and except for my smaller sized yoga pants, none of the next size down fit me as yet. Almost though...I can put them on, but not do them up. Even though it seems depressing, it's rather exciting. I know that in a couple of weeks I will be able to do them up.
Did I mention how much I love Value Village. I bought three pairs of Gap Jeans, that barely look warn, for under $30 with tax. That is excellent value, and I will definitely keep shopping at Value Village. My husband thinks that I'm crazy, but I told him not to knock it until he checks it out. He's a visual shopper and needs rows of the same clothing on display so all he needs to do is look for his size. I like going through the racks and finding unique things. My brother-in-law has always raved about great designer deals he finds at Value Village and he's a pretty snappy dresser. I think I will borrow a style page from him:)
So with last week's six pound loss I've lost just over 30 pounds. Don't ask me how much is fat and how much is water. The whole fat/water thing is so confusing to me. Dr. Stephen does "the math" with me every weigh-in and I stare at him with a glazed, deer in headlights expression. This is why I am in social services, so I wouldn't have to do math! The bottom line is, I don't really care, just so long as the number on the scale keeps going down.
It was pleasant to go to a family gathering this weekend and have MANY people approach me and tell me how good I looked. My father-in-law was such a sweetheart. He kept giving me the thumbs-up and making the "OK" sign. I barely walked in the door when he walked up to me and whispered "how mucha you loose?". He's the cutest Italian gentleman and it meant a lot for me to see the pride in his face. That right there was a good motivator.
I'm in my 9th week of the diet (which I will refer to as my lifestyle change from now on). The food I eat still does not bother me in the least. I belong to a Facebook page about Dr. Poon's diet which is managed by his son. Many people talk about struggling with the diet and falling off the wagon and having to start again. I can certainly sympathize with their struggle, but one thing that really stands out for me is that I will be in the same predicament if I can't keep carbs and sugar out of my life. That is my main focus and I can honestly say that I still do not miss or crave them. Even when I reach my goal weight, I will continue to eat VERY limited sugar and carbohydrates. Many of the Poon dieters talk about boredom with the foods, but I eat the same things every day. I eat to stop my hunger, then I want to move on. For the first time in my life I'm actually thinking of food as a life source and not the source of my entertainment and enjoyment.
I'm pretty much done with this entry, but must add this as a side note. I just got up to stretch and caught my husband sneakily getting Nutella out of a cupboard we would not keep Nutella in...because he secretly bought it! When I confronted him he erupted into fits of laughter (as did I) because he knows I'll give him shit. Funniest thing is, that he'll argue till death that Nutella is nutritionally sound because there are "no preservatives, no artificial colours and it's a source of vitamin E". I know better ;)
Did I mention how much I love Value Village. I bought three pairs of Gap Jeans, that barely look warn, for under $30 with tax. That is excellent value, and I will definitely keep shopping at Value Village. My husband thinks that I'm crazy, but I told him not to knock it until he checks it out. He's a visual shopper and needs rows of the same clothing on display so all he needs to do is look for his size. I like going through the racks and finding unique things. My brother-in-law has always raved about great designer deals he finds at Value Village and he's a pretty snappy dresser. I think I will borrow a style page from him:)
So with last week's six pound loss I've lost just over 30 pounds. Don't ask me how much is fat and how much is water. The whole fat/water thing is so confusing to me. Dr. Stephen does "the math" with me every weigh-in and I stare at him with a glazed, deer in headlights expression. This is why I am in social services, so I wouldn't have to do math! The bottom line is, I don't really care, just so long as the number on the scale keeps going down.
It was pleasant to go to a family gathering this weekend and have MANY people approach me and tell me how good I looked. My father-in-law was such a sweetheart. He kept giving me the thumbs-up and making the "OK" sign. I barely walked in the door when he walked up to me and whispered "how mucha you loose?". He's the cutest Italian gentleman and it meant a lot for me to see the pride in his face. That right there was a good motivator.
I'm in my 9th week of the diet (which I will refer to as my lifestyle change from now on). The food I eat still does not bother me in the least. I belong to a Facebook page about Dr. Poon's diet which is managed by his son. Many people talk about struggling with the diet and falling off the wagon and having to start again. I can certainly sympathize with their struggle, but one thing that really stands out for me is that I will be in the same predicament if I can't keep carbs and sugar out of my life. That is my main focus and I can honestly say that I still do not miss or crave them. Even when I reach my goal weight, I will continue to eat VERY limited sugar and carbohydrates. Many of the Poon dieters talk about boredom with the foods, but I eat the same things every day. I eat to stop my hunger, then I want to move on. For the first time in my life I'm actually thinking of food as a life source and not the source of my entertainment and enjoyment.
I'm pretty much done with this entry, but must add this as a side note. I just got up to stretch and caught my husband sneakily getting Nutella out of a cupboard we would not keep Nutella in...because he secretly bought it! When I confronted him he erupted into fits of laughter (as did I) because he knows I'll give him shit. Funniest thing is, that he'll argue till death that Nutella is nutritionally sound because there are "no preservatives, no artificial colours and it's a source of vitamin E". I know better ;)
Sunday, November 6, 2011
He ain't heavy, he's my husband
So there have been quite a few things for me to reflect on this past week. Halloween was a lot of fun for Julien, and even though he got tons of candy, he did what he does every year and handed it out to the kids who came to our door after we ran out. One way that I really lucked out is that my kid does not like sweets. Give him a bag of chips though and he's enthralled. This is probably the first Halloween that I can remember where I did not eat one sweet, or indulge in anything save, my sugar-free chocolate snacks (which I am allowed). I know you're probably thinking sugar-free chocolate is gross, but don't knock it till you try it. I can't really tell the difference. Russell Stover and Hershey both make excellent sugar-free chocolate.
The 2nd of November was also my 9th wedding anniversary. I can't believe my husband and I have been married 9 years already. When we got married, my mom was pretty sick and close to the end of her life. She died less than a year later. I thought it was great that we decided to get married on All Souls Day. We even needed special permission from the Vatican to marry that day. It was cheaper than many other Saturdays because of it being All Souls Day, and most Catholics do not want to marry on that day. And in retrospect I like my anniversary being on that date because not only do I reflect on my marriage, but I also reflect on my mother's life.
Something that excited me a lot was that I needed to buy smaller clothes. I considered just buying new, but really thought it might hurt me financially in the long run because I don't plan on wearing the next size down for very long. So I went off to Value Village and bought 4 pairs of pants. I have never shopped there before and was actually pleasantly surprised by the whole experience. I spent $27 with tax on pants that would have easily cost me over a hundred retail. I wore my first pair this past weekend and they are actually comfortable on me. I haven't worn this size of clothing since probably 2001. Ten years ago. That sort of pisses me off because I could have prevented my weight from getting so high in the first place if I just had the knowledge then that I do now. Oh well, I can't beat myself up over what could have been and can only move forward from here.
My first semi-cheat happened this weekend. My hubby and I went out for our anniversary and we went to an all-you-can-eat Japanese restaurant. There were many things on the menu I could eat and I did order them, but my husband ordered too much sushi and in an attempt to not get charged for items we didn't eat, I ate a really big hand-rolled California roll. I also ate a few pieces of Sashimi (raw fish) and had the worst stomach upset when I got home. The Sashimi was allowed, but the California roll, not so much. Being sick afterwards has taught that it's really not worth it to cheat. We were home by 6:30 pm last night and it's 2:30pm as I write this and I still haven't really eaten today. My stomach is still not 100%. I will likely not eat Japanese again, and really wish we had just went to the Keg.
This coming Friday will be my 8th week on this program. Time is just motoring along and I still feel really strong and positive about my choice to change my lifestyle. My husband, though being supportive, said something to me that really made me think about how this is affecting him. He saw me in my smaller sized pants and said (though jokingly) "you're going to get all thin and leave me for another man". I'm not sure how that made me feel. First off, I had no idea he was feeling even remotely threatened by my weight-loss. Secondly, he did know the much thinner me. I weighed a lot less when we got together and I gained a lot of weight in a short time span of two years. He still married me even though I was significantly heavier then I was when we first started dating. He never made my weight a condition to love me and I would never make it a reason to leave him. We took each other in sickness and in health and my sickness has been my weight. I'm tired of sickness and am more than ready to move onto a more healthier me.
The 2nd of November was also my 9th wedding anniversary. I can't believe my husband and I have been married 9 years already. When we got married, my mom was pretty sick and close to the end of her life. She died less than a year later. I thought it was great that we decided to get married on All Souls Day. We even needed special permission from the Vatican to marry that day. It was cheaper than many other Saturdays because of it being All Souls Day, and most Catholics do not want to marry on that day. And in retrospect I like my anniversary being on that date because not only do I reflect on my marriage, but I also reflect on my mother's life.
Something that excited me a lot was that I needed to buy smaller clothes. I considered just buying new, but really thought it might hurt me financially in the long run because I don't plan on wearing the next size down for very long. So I went off to Value Village and bought 4 pairs of pants. I have never shopped there before and was actually pleasantly surprised by the whole experience. I spent $27 with tax on pants that would have easily cost me over a hundred retail. I wore my first pair this past weekend and they are actually comfortable on me. I haven't worn this size of clothing since probably 2001. Ten years ago. That sort of pisses me off because I could have prevented my weight from getting so high in the first place if I just had the knowledge then that I do now. Oh well, I can't beat myself up over what could have been and can only move forward from here.
My first semi-cheat happened this weekend. My hubby and I went out for our anniversary and we went to an all-you-can-eat Japanese restaurant. There were many things on the menu I could eat and I did order them, but my husband ordered too much sushi and in an attempt to not get charged for items we didn't eat, I ate a really big hand-rolled California roll. I also ate a few pieces of Sashimi (raw fish) and had the worst stomach upset when I got home. The Sashimi was allowed, but the California roll, not so much. Being sick afterwards has taught that it's really not worth it to cheat. We were home by 6:30 pm last night and it's 2:30pm as I write this and I still haven't really eaten today. My stomach is still not 100%. I will likely not eat Japanese again, and really wish we had just went to the Keg.
This coming Friday will be my 8th week on this program. Time is just motoring along and I still feel really strong and positive about my choice to change my lifestyle. My husband, though being supportive, said something to me that really made me think about how this is affecting him. He saw me in my smaller sized pants and said (though jokingly) "you're going to get all thin and leave me for another man". I'm not sure how that made me feel. First off, I had no idea he was feeling even remotely threatened by my weight-loss. Secondly, he did know the much thinner me. I weighed a lot less when we got together and I gained a lot of weight in a short time span of two years. He still married me even though I was significantly heavier then I was when we first started dating. He never made my weight a condition to love me and I would never make it a reason to leave him. We took each other in sickness and in health and my sickness has been my weight. I'm tired of sickness and am more than ready to move onto a more healthier me.
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