The post about an upset stomach, a good 10K and running with my physio dude.

Feeling good after my 10K tempo this morning.

It's been a busy couple of days.  Yesterday we purged my basement.  I got rid of A LOT of clutter and chaos.  I feel lighter already.  Hubby made two trips to the local thrift store to drop off donations.  I do not have one piece of clothing that is too big for me anymore (except for my "before" pants).  I held up a pair of size 16 Gap jeans and they looked so big to me.  I remember when I got them two winters ago and was so thrilled I could squeeze into them at that time.  Every time my hubby folds the laundry, he has something to say about my pants.  Mostly that they are tiny and he can't believe I fit in them.  Thank you, I think!

We also got rid of two loads of garbage.  Broken stuff, old paint, crap that I wasn't even sure what it was. My basement looks barren.  Barren and creepy.  I live in a pretty old house (circa 1890).  My basement actually has a dirt floor.  the only good thing about that is that it doesn't flood because the water seeps back into the ground.  The bad news is that it is perpetually damp down there. My father, who is 83 in December, single handedly cleaned up that basement.  He would barely let me do anything.  That man is like the Energizer Bunny.  I'm sure he's ADHD.  It's all good.  My basement (and yard) are clean, and he's happy because he got to keep busy.  I'm forcing him to rest tomorrow morning, then we're going to head out to Niagara-on-the-Lake and Niagara Falls for the afternoon/evening.  Julien's so excited.  He loves Niagara Falls.

I decided to have a bit of a cheat day eating wise today, and I'm paying for it now.  I ate Greek salad with feta and tzaziki sauce with my souvlaki.  My tummy is not feeling great.  I guess dairy and I don't do too well. This is a good deterrent.  I'll have to remember this for future reference.  It is a good feeling to carry with me the next time I am consumed with cheese cravings.  So not worth it, and I clearly can't handle it!  Back to my safe eating place tomorrow.

My recovery meal after my 10K this morning.  Left over roast beef,
Carrots, avocado, tomatoes.

Although this was delish, next time I will be eliminating the feta and tzaziki.

Today's run was good.  I was slotted to do 10K tempo (faster than comfortable pace), but by the time I got out the door, I could only get 8K in because hubby had to leave the house by 9:15am.   That sucked because I was feeling really good during my run and really wanted to get the 10K out of the way.  Half way through my 8K, hubby texted me to say that his appointment had been cancelled so I could run longer if I chose to.  I did!  Got my 10K out of the way and felt like a million bucks the whole time.

Yesterday I saw my physio dude Graham.  We talked about my running form and he wants to really see me run.  So next week, I'm running to physio (6.1K from my house), and we're going for a run together so he can really look at my form.  He doesn't believe watching me run on the treadmill is going to give him an accurate assessment of how I run.  He pointed out, and I agree, that I would run differently on the treadmill. He also wants to see me fatigued, hence the reason I have to run to physio.  Since we're going to work on changing my running form, this is where we're going to start.  Talk about going above and beyond!  My physio dude is actually going to run with me.  Awesome!

My eats from the past two days.  Too much sweet potato ingested yesterday.

The post about fueling up, Poppy, purging and gutter balls

I met Tonto at the Disney Store today.

I'm happy to report that I made it through my consuming binge thoughts unscathed.  I did what I said I was going to do and went to bed.  By the next day, everything was roses again.  Thanks to everyone for their supportive comments and ideas to help out with that issue should it arise again. Although binging crosses my mind at least once per day, it's rarely consuming.  And it seems so odd to me that what I wanted to binge on was cheese.  I mean I liked cheese well enough when I used to eat it, but never low fat mozzarella.  Maybe bocconcini, but mozzarella?  I never gave mozzarella a second thought.  Poor mozzarella:(

My eating over the past two days has been pretty average.  I started to switch it up a bit today by making a roast and having it with mashed rutabaga (thanks for the idea Josh).  I love me some mashed rutabaga.  And I also made a zucchini thing my mom used to make when I was a kid with onions and tomatoes.  My dad is visiting for the week and he brought a GIANT zucchini from his neighbor's garden.  Man they grow them big in Scarborough!  Seriously, this zucchini puts the tiny ones I buy at the supermarket to shame.  It was easily the size of a wiener dog.  At least that's what I pictured it as if I could imagine a head and little legs on it. Which I did.

Roast beef, horseradish, mashed rutabaga, cumin carrots, zucchini with
tomatoes and onions.

Yesterday's 16K long run was alright.  And by alright, I mean that my toes didn't cramp till 15K. Not too bad considering I was getting sloppy with my running form by 14K.  I did a couple of loops through the city and normally when I run where lots of people see me, I hold my form pretty consistently lest someone inwardly judge my running abilities.  My mistake was I didn't fuel up enough before I ran.  The one scoop of protein powder mixed with water just didn't cut it (I should have had 2 as per the directions).  I was ravenous by the time I hit 14K and just stopped paying attention to how I looked and was more focused on finishing so I could eat. The package of energy gummies I had during the run didn't help much.  Lesson learned...AGAIN!  I mean for the love of Pete!  It's not like it was my first long run ever.  I know better.  

Today I headed out to Scarborough (not the fair Marc), to pick up my father.  He's staying with us for the week because he's dying to do work around my house.  The man is 83 this year and is not happy unless he's busy from sun up, till sun down.  I also think he's lonely.  My brother moved out a month ago and he's looking for stuff to do. So I'm happy to have him visit for the week.  I haven't spent much time with him over the past year, so we have a lot of catching up to do.  And I'm gonna slip in a trip to Niagara Falls too.  This will make Julien VERY happy.  Niagara Falls is one of his favorite places.

Julien and his Poppy.

With my dad here, we are going to tackle my basement.  There are Tupperware containers FULL of clothes. Like, lots and lots of clothes.  Half are mine (which I thought I gave away, but there were still more), some are Julien's, and some are hubby's. All too big or, in Julien's case, too small for us!  I need to purge, purge, purge.  And there's also tons of broken toys down there.  I don't know why hubby stacked broken toys in the basement.  I mean they're broken.  They should go in the garbage no?  YES!  So I'm giving us Wednesday till dinner to get everything sorted.  It's either going to the dump or Goodwill.  All I can say is good riddance.  I hate clutter in my life. Clutter causes anxiety in me and I don't function well all anxious. Case and point: when I was morbidly obese I was an anxious mess all the time.  So it will feel real good to purge.

Game 1.

Game 2.

Jules and I leaving the bowling alley.

Tonight we took the boy bowling after dinner because it was only 2 bucks per person per game. We played a couple of games and I forewarned Julien that if we had a similar episode to the one we had the last time we went (he cried every time he threw the ball or we threw the ball), we would not be returning...EVER!  Okay, maybe not ever, but it would have been a very long time.  He did awesome!  No tears at all and he even congratulated us on good turns.   Hubby and I really played during the first game, and I won!  We threw the second game, and Julien won! Even though we were trying to bowl badly, hubby managed to almost win. He had to throw some gutter balls which is hard to do when the bumpers are up.  Hard, but not impossible. And I actually really threw a gutter ball.  The two of us looked like tools during the second game. The other bowlers must have thought we were bowling our first game ever.  Laughing and pointing at the losers getting gutter balls in the lane with the bumpers up.  Yeah, we looked like tools.  And the other bowlers were children.  No, I mean they really were children.

My eats from the past two days.

The post about a sore throat and being consumed

The past couple of days have been pretty dull.  The problem is that since I'm off on vacation, I end up wasting the morning away while I procrastinate getting out the door to complete my run.  Since I don't have to wake at 5:30 am to run right now, I feel like my body is lazier than usual.  Or maybe I'm just catching up on some much needed sleep.  Either way, my run day mornings are shot.  I'm leaving the house around 9:30 to run, which pretty much makes the morning a complete write off. By the time I'm showered and dressed it's noon. Then we have to figure out something inexpensive to do to keep a five-year-old entertained.

Finn howling for his ball.

Yesterday afternoon we went to the beach.  It was a pretty nice day, but a bit on the cooler side. Perfect beach day because it was pretty empty.  This is a good thing because we brought Finn so he could go for a swim.  He loves to have the ball thrown in the water and he'll go get it as many times as you throw it for him. This ball session lasted 1.5 hours because Julien was getting cold so we had to head home.  It was all good though.  We got out of the house for a couple of hours, Finn got exercised, and it was free!

Painted my toes for the occasion.

Last night I got to go out with my running gal Dawn for a few hours for a much needed "catch up". I haven't seen many of my running pack at all lately.  We're all training for different things and are on different schedules.  I don't frequent the Running Room when I'm not teaching or taking a clinic. Although I'm training right now, I'm doing it solo.  In the summer months I prefer to run in the morning.  If I was taking a clinic, I'd be running two evenings a week and the heat and I don't get along very well.  This week has been pretty awesome for running.  I have been having a pretty good running week with the weather and my feet feeling pretty decent (read: no cramping toes). Tomorrow is my 16K long run.  We'll see how my toes hold up for that.

Although the weather and my feet have been cooperating, I have been struggling with a sore throat. I've had it for about a week now.  It's not gotten to the point of me needing something for it, but it's just there and it's annoying.  It's not pleasant to run with either because I breathe through my mouth when I run which makes my throat super dry.  I only have a 2 bottle fuel belt and have needed both bottles of water to complete a 6K run this week because my throat gets so dry.  I never drink that much water during shorter runs.  What am I going to do tomorrow?  Suck it up, that's what.

After my 6k steady today.

Today has been a hard day eating wise for me.  I haven't eaten off plan, but thoughts of binging have been consuming me.  And I don't even know what I want to binge on.  It's not like I want the chips or Cheetos in my freezer, or the 4 loaves of banana bread that Julien and I made this week.  I did eye the block of mozzarella cheese in my dairy drawer when I was making Julien's lunch earlier.  I haven't had that type of dairy in a long time.  I've only had cream in my coffee.  The only thing keeping me from eating the cheese right now is the thought of it upsetting my stomach and making me have a shitty run tomorrow morning.  So after I hit publish, I'm immediately going to bed.  I can't afford to have a bad long run.  Thank goodness I have a good deterrent not to eat the cheese.  It's been a while since I've battled with binge thoughts this strong.  Although the thought crosses my mind at least once a day, I can easily refocus myself.  Today has definitely been a bigger struggle.  Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day.  I just need to get today done and all will be right again.  It always is.

Someone lost a tooth today.  He's got the cutest lisp!

My eats from today.  Add iceberg lettuce and tomato to the
snacks.  I just ate that while I was typing this.

The post about Safari Niagara and weight loss success

Pretty kitty.  Those are white lions.

Yesterday I promised Julien that we would head to Safari Niagara today.  I toyed with the idea of getting up at 5:30 am to do my 8K steady run this morning, then decided to sleep till 7 and put off my 8K until tomorrow.  Since I'm on vacation I can do that.  I've run 3 days in a row, so I'll run 3 more days in a row before taking my next rest day.  The only way my training schedule is affected is by switching out rest days (rested today instead of tomorrow).

I headed out too late last night to get a roasted chicken from Walmart.  I went at 8am after coffee and my shower to grab one.  I needed to pack a Paleo lunch for hubby and I to enjoy during our zoo outing. We had roasted chicken, coleslaw and blueberries for lunch.  We snacked on baby carrots and sunflower seeds throughout the day.  And we drank LOTS of water.  It was a very successful eating day.  I noticed that whole chickens are on sale this week.  I'm stocking up because we're going to do some beach days and I'll roast my own chickens for my future picnics. That way I can control the sodium and there is never an excuse to eat off plan (for me anyway).

Yeah, that's the mind blowing ropes course in the back ground!

At Safari Niagara I did something completely wild and totally out of my comfort zone.  I did the Ropes Course.  I never, ever, ever would have done this before.  Did I mention never ever? Although I was completely freaked out by the height, I was pumped that I was doing something that I never dreamed I'd be able to do in a million years.  All three of us went on together (which Julien LOVED) and sadly hubby could not reach his phone to snap a photo of me.  He was gripping his rope too tightly. You'll just have to believe that I did it.  It felt so odd to have the harness so loose on me. The loose harness definitely didn't make me feel very secure.  The weight limit was 300 pounds and there was a time in my life (several actually) where I wouldn't have made the weight limit.  Even though heights scare the bejeezus out of me, I didn't care.  I wanted to be able to say that I did it!

The difference of a year.  Julien got bigger and hubby got smaller.
Hubby's also wearing a very similar outfit.  He's not going to like
when he sees this!

While we were driving home from Safari Niagara, hubby and I were talking about the hardest part about losing weight.  We were discussing Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition and The Biggest Loser.  In my opinion, neither of those shows depicts the reality of losing weight.  Average people are not able to access the resources that are on those shows and those people lose large amounts of weight in relatively short periods of time.  Does it all stay off?  I don't really watch either show (except a few episodes here and there) so I'm not sure what the success rate is.  

What happens after the show?  Now there's a documentary to do.  They should be showing us how to maintain.  We already know how to lose weight, and in my case, I did it unsuccessfully for the majority of my life.  I lost and gained the same 30 pounds over and over.  And even lost 100 pounds 15 years ago, only to gain it back (and then some) in under a year.  In my opinion, the harder part starts with maintenance. According to the studies, only 20% of people who have lost at least 10% of their body weight are successful at keeping the weight off. That's an 80% failure rate. I'm not gonna lie, when it didn't matter so much to me, I used the "well I'm just going to gain it back anyway so why bother" attitude way to often.

It really is inspiring and motivating to see people successfully lose weight, but the real success is keeping it off.  I'm not there yet.  I've successfully lost, and I'm feeling more and more confident every day that I'll be able to maintain.  Each day that I stay on plan and get my exercise in is one day closer to maintenance success.  But it has been a lot of work both mentally and physically to get here.  And I'll be working just as hard (maybe harder) to maintain as I did to lose.  A lifestyle change truly is for life.

I've been the same weight (give or take a couple pounds) since December 2012.  I was wearing size 10 in December and I just started fitting into size 6 (depending on make). It frustrates me that although I'm getting smaller, my weight does not go down. I don't mind so much because I am getting leaner.  But even 5 pounds would really help with my running (pace and foot issues). People always guess that I weigh less than I do. And for that reason, when I go to the CNE this year, I'm gonna play that game where the guy has to guess your weight.  I am so going to win!  I hope they have Mario Brothers prizes.  Julien will be so happy!

My eats from today.

The post about pruned trees and being despicable the second time around

Nice lips!  

This morning was my 10K steady/tempo run.  Again I worked on running differently, and again my toes did not get numb or cramp.  I did feel the lump in my foot where my nerve presses (between the second and third toe on my left foot), but it lasted momentarily near the end of my run.  I don't know what I'm going to do with my $575 orthotics that I can't wear.  That really grates on me.

First thing this morning, the tree company came to prune the giant tree in my neighbor's yard. Julien was very excited, initially, but it took so long for them to set everything up that he got bored quickly.  Finn watched excitedly, but only because he wanted to go out.  No dogs or children allowed in the yard.  There were falling tree limbs and one fell on one of my potted house plants. Since that was the only casualty, I think we did okay.

A boy and his dog watching the tree pruners.

The tree dude scaling the neighbor's giant
tree.  It took 5.5 hours to prune the tree.

This afternoon I took Julien to see Despicable Me 2.  He loved it.  I fell asleep.  I don't know why.  I dressed very warm because I'm always freezing in movie theaters and office buildings.  Any air conditioning actually.  Something that happened after I lost weight.  Anyway, I maybe dressed too warmly and found myself dosing at the end of the movie.  Julien had to pee so badly by the time the movie was done.  But he wouldn't leave before the credits finished rolling because they always have stuff with the credits.  Thank goodness the bathroom was right outside the theater we were in.

I remember all too well how I couldn't comfortably fit into a
theater seat.  Always too close to my neigbor.

Enjoying some popcorn and pop before the movie starts.

I thank those for the few suggestions I got in regards to my hair question.  Although I got a couple of good suggestions (ie: bob with bangs), I just can't go back there.  That was the hair style I had for the past 5 years and will be one I associate with being morbidly obese.  If I was going to go short, I'd go super pixie cut short.  Not brave enough yet though.  I'm really wondering if I should get a trim with bangs again, or let it grow.  My hair is super healthy right now.  Could have to do with my diet.  I'll need a trim regardless, but do I just trim the ends or get a few inches taken off? What to do, what to do!

Tomorrow we are going to Safari Niagara and I'm off to Walmart to buy a half roasted chicken for our picnic lunch.  Preparation is the key to success and healthy eating does not take a summer vacation (even if I do).  Good night everyone!

The best photo I could get today.
I was cold!

My eats from today.

My lunch...with lots of pepper!
And some lemon juice on the tuna.

The post about my weight through the years and running with Jules

So the last time I was at Dr. Pitt's office, we looked through my chart to see if I could piece together my weight history.  So it turns out that I was over 300 pounds (not counting pregnancy) three times.  Not once like I had initially claimed.  Funny how we forget so easily what we don't want to remember.  I weighed 310 when I was 24, 303 when I was 27 (right before going on Dr. Bernstein's diet), and 307 in the summer of 2004.  When  I got back from Williamsburg in the summer of 2011 and I went to see Dr. Pitt to get the referrals for bariatric surgery and Dr. Poon, and to get on Xenical (again), I weighed 297.  When I started Dr. Poon on September 16, 2011 I weighed 285.6.  I lost almost 12 pounds in 6 weeks from the Xenical. And just in case you're wondering, Xenical is not an effective way to lose weight long term.  At least it wasn't for me.  I took Xenical off and on since it was available for purchase in Canada.  I'd lose 30 pounds, then gain it right back.  So I guess I count 310 as being my highest weight recorded (wouldn't surprise me if it was higher at times, I avoided the scale A LOT), and 297 as my beginning weight for my most recent weight loss. It was interesting to see the numbers.  And looking back, I can't believe that I actually got as big I did.  It seems like such a distant memory now.

My husband asked me something interesting over coffee this morning. He wondered why I didn't talk to him sooner about getting serious about my health.  I know I wasted a lot of my life being obese.  And I guess that before Julien came along, I just accepted it.  I mean, he did too.  He married me when I weighed 283.  I know exactly how much I weighed on my wedding day.  I was all excited because I lost weight the week prior due to stress.  Anyhow, the only answer I could give him was that I accepted for myself that I was destine to be morbidly obese and full of health problems.  But I could not accept that for Julien.  That is when the switch went on and I knew I had to make a change.  It was easier to avoid when he was an infant and before he was verbal.  Once he could talk and was this little person with questions, I couldn't avoid any more.  He doesn't remember me morbidly obese.  Only in pictures, but not in his memories.  Last summer is where his memories begin and I had already lost 100 pounds by that time.  For that I am thankful.

Last week I did not run with Julien at all.  We had a heat wave in Southern Ontario, actually it went much further than just Southern Ontario.  And of course that heat wave ended with the big storm Friday that knocked out our power for a couple of days.  So tonight we headed out for Julien's 4th practice run. He did awesome and we had fun telling jokes and stories.  He was happy because Daddy and Finn joined us.  We ran 1.6K to the park where he got to play for a bit before heading home for stories and bed.  If he asks, I'll go again tomorrow.  It was a great night for a run.

I am overwhelmed and so touched by the outpouring of emails/Facebook messages I'm getting from people congratulating me on my weight loss and asking me for guidance and inspiration.  I am answering them all, and I want to really answer them, not just give a one line response.  These people took the time to write me, I'm going to answer their questions.  If you have sent me a message and I haven't responded yet and you are reading this, I will need another day. Just when I got all caught up, I got a whole new bunch in my inbox today.  Thank you all for taking the time to write me, I'm answering everyone tomorrow:)

I leave you with my day in pictures!

After my 6K steady this morning.

Smitty during morning coffee.

What I wore today. I'm wondering
what to do with the hair. Cut or grow?

Silly face after our family run tonight.

My eats for the past 2 days.

Sausage ratatouille.  I know sausage is not Paleo.  It was left
over from a BBQ I had on Sunday and I don't waste food.

Salmon cakes and sauteed cabbage.

The post about a really big storm

The HUGE mess after the storm.

Well I was MIA for a few days.  A powerful storm rolled through Hamilton Friday night.  Three waves of it. The first wave knocked the power out.  The second wave brought my neighbor's tree into my back yard and the third wave had me running down the street in the pitch black chasing my dog who got out of the house. That was by far the scariest moment because he's black and he was so scared, that he just bolted out the front door when I opened it to yell something to a neighbor. Thank goodness there was a guy at the end of my street who was able to corral him long enough for me to get there and put his leash around his neck. Poor Julien was beside himself because he thought Finn was gone for good.

Other than some property damage from the tree and two days of no electricity, we escaped unharmed.  I'm just thankful that Julien is relatively unscathed (he had a bit of a break down Friday night), and Finn is home safe with us.  The things that were wrecked can be replaced.  And what we got is nothing compared to some others around the Hamilton area.  Trees falling on houses and cars.  And this is nothing compared to those who lose everything due to tornadoes and floods. We're very lucky indeed.

All I could do Saturday night.
Thank goodness for book lights.

The hardest thing for me was being off line for so long.  My phone died Friday night and I got to charge it at my girlfriend Elin's place on Saturday.  She was good enough to let me keep my meat in her freezer and my perishables in her fridge.  Awesome to have friends with power during a blackout.  Sunday consisted of yard clean up.  My neighbor was able to get someone on Saturday (who was just in the neighborhood helping those with fallen trees) come and cut up the tree limbs for us so that we could get them off our fence and off my deck.  My yard looks relatively normal right now.  I lost my patio set and there's no fence between my neighbor and us anymore.  My neighbor's insurance is going to replace the fence, get the giant tree pruned, and give us $500 for a new patio set.

After my 13K this morning.
Pace was an acceptable 6:45 per kilometer.

Yesterday was a total "I can't believe I did that" day.  I skipped my long run.  I was so anxious about my yard being a disaster and Julien was also anxious, that I decided to postpone my long run until today so I could do yard clean-up.  It felt weird.  I felt like I was cheating.  It was unsettling and gnawed at me all day. I got up this morning and did my 13K LSD up the rail trail and back.  I was wondering if there would be fallen trees in the trail.  It looked like there was one, but someone cut it out of the way.  So because I didn't run yesterday and today was supposed to be my rest day, I'm running for four days straight before my next rest day.

Eating over the weekend was same old.  I had a lot of beef.  I had steak on Friday night and burgers and steak again on Saturday night.  We got to stay at Elin's place for dinner on Saturday. She was having her brother and his wife over because they were without power too.  So we crashed their BBQ.  I had too much wine this weekend.  Yeah it was a stressful weekend, but that's just an excuse.  I know better.  I think it's time to take a break from wine for a spell. Anytime that something starts to control me, I have to stop it.  So it's morning coffee and water from here on in.

My eats from the weekend.

I finally got to see my massage therapist on Friday.  He's back from his pilgrimage.  He walked 800K from the south of Spain to the north of Spain.  That's a pretty awesome thing to do.  He stripped my quads, but not as hard as he could have.  It did help though and I had a good run on Saturday morning.  I did 10K with no phone because it was dead due to the power outage.  So I have no idea what my pace was.  Makes no difference.  I had a good run.

I ran today with no orthotics.  I saw Graham (physio guy) on Thursday and we talked about how my orthotics are a total bust and no adjustments to date have worked.  I'm pretty sure that the orthotics are not my answer.  But maybe changing my running form is.  We talked about running form and foot strike and I decided to try running differently today.  I'm not sure if it's all in my head or not, but I tried to put more pressure on the outsides of my feet and straighten my ankles more. My toes did not get numb or start to cramp.  I will continue to run like this and see if it works for longer distances.  Next Sunday is a 16K LSD. That will be the true test.

So I'm officially on vacation.  Today is laundry, sheet changing, upstairs cleaning and grocery shopping. Doesn't sound very restful.  Oh well, not having to go to work for three weeks is restful. Trust me!  I'm off to clean, then answer more emails.  Apparently the Everyday Health interview was posted to the Women's Health website.  I am truly touched by the outpouring of emails I have received from women asking me for support and guidance.  I think that this is a serious responsibility to have and I do not take it lightly.  I'm happy to answer all the emails I get, it just may take me a bit of time.  Thanks to everyone for reaching out, and I apologize to my blog friends.  I haven't been a very good commenter of late.  I'm always reading though, I promise!

What I wore today.
Those are size 6 capris.

The post about Lexington Kentucky and another run that was a bust

So I got an interesting comment from Sharon a couple of posts ago.  She said she saw me on the Lexington Kentucky news Wednesday morning.  What?  She sent me the link and you can watch it here.  How cool is that?  Makes me wonder if I showed up anywhere else.  Bottom line, if my story helps to inspire others, then I'm happy.  I've been inundated with emails from Americans who want advice/help on getting started on Dr. Poon's diet and nothing makes me happier.  I really believe in the diet.  Yesterday I finally finished answering every email.  Thank you for reaching out to me.

Soaked after my 6K yesterday morning.

Yesterday morning my run was a complete bust again.  I completed it, but I'm not gonna lie, it was tres brutal.  I ran 6K at 5:30am at a 7:20 per kilometer pace.  Again the air was thick and I was soaked when I got back.  I'm not gonna pretend I wasn't proud of myself after finishing the run.  It's pouring rain here right now and I can feel a cold front moving in.  I'm gonna love my 10K run tomorrow morning.  I just need to feel like I'm a real runner again, without struggling.

My orthotics are useless.  I'm beginning to think that regardless of the orthotic adjustments I get, they just are not going to work for me.  With my most recent adjustment, my toes are cramping even earlier.  Pisses me off because I spent almost $600 on the orthotics and they are doing NOTHING for me!  I go back to see the foot specialist in a couple of weeks.  I think I'm gonna go to my doctor and get a referral for an ultrasound.  I need to know if I will ever be able to run a full marathon or if I'm just wasting my time.  If I can't run a full, I'll just do half marathons.  My toes still cramp during the half, but it's not something I can't handle. Without orthotics it usually happens around 13K which only leaves me 8K to run in pain.  A full though? I know I wouldn't make it.  I'd have to run 29K in pain.  Makes me sad but I won't stop running. My othotics are so bad, I can't even wear them now.

Today was my last day of work for THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!  That's right.  I'm officially on summer vacation.  Let the day trips begin!  We are having a staycation.  Just day trips around the greater Toronto/Hamilton/Niagara area.  And it's all good.  Julien loves going to the water parks and attractions around here.  And we'll be spending time at the beach.  I may or may not be brave enough to post a picture of me in a bathing suit.  We shall see.

My massage therapist finally returned from Spain.  I saw him this morning.  He stripped my quads. They definitely needed stripping but I think he went easy on me.  The man just got back from a 800K pilgrimage (which he completed), so I guess I'll have to give him a pass.  The next time I see him though, I expect him to be relentless no matter how much I scream.  I count on having things stripped because although it's extremely painful at the time, it's better in the long run.  ARGH!!!!!! The things I do to run!

This picture is just because.  I crack up when I see it.
That's Julien's foot of course....

I got my nails done!  It was payday.

A blurry picture of my dinner tonight.

My eats from the past two days.

The post about how much I hate humidity and being an anxious eater

Me at 6:45 am.  My pace was a pitiful 7:20 per kilometer.

This morning's run was BRUTAL.  I was supposed to do a 10K tempo run (a tempo run is faster than your comfortable run), and only made it to 8.5K before I had to pack it in.  I started to feel light-headed and dizzy.  I fueled up with energy powder before hand, but I just could not handle the humidity.  Even at 5:30 am the air was super thick and gross.  My tempo run was run at a pretty bad pace and I'm sure that near the end I was just shuffling along.  The run sucked.  The good news is that I can make it up on Saturday.  I'm slotted to do 8K tomorrow, so I'll do 6K, then I'll do the 10K on Saturday when I'm supposed to do the 6K. Hope that's not too confusing.  By the time I got home, my running clothes were soaked.  Like you could ring them out soaked.  So, so icky.

Today was a hot one.  I was in the office all day which meant I was pretty cold and wore an outfit that would not make me freeze.  But once I stepped out to get some lunch, I just about died.  It was horrible out today. I left briefly just after noon to grab a 1/2 roasted chicken with steamed veggies for lunch, then didn't head out again until 6:30 when I left for home.  It was still freaking hot at 6:30.  It's still freaking hot now.  I like warmer weather, but I'd be happy if we had fall temperatures year round.  Comfortable to be outside, and great to run in.

My husband took one look at me
when I got home and said,
"you wore that all day?'
The a/c at work is frigid!

Today at work I had a conversation about my weight loss with a group of co-workers having lunch. They were eating pizza and salad. They asked if I would ever eat pizza again, and I said that it was highly unlikely. That brought on a lot of sad faces and "poor you" type of comments.  What others don't understand is my eating plan and the strictness of it works for me.  Someone commented that a slice of pizza wouldn't kill me. I said that I just can't go there.  It's not worth it to me.  I'd love to be the kind of person who can eat whatever I want in moderation. But with my binging past, I know that is not possible for me.  No one has to pity me though.  It's just food. In the past, I put way too much value on food.  It's important to keep me alive, yes, but it's not my entertainment or my comfort anymore.

I remember when I was nearing maintenance.  The one thing that caused me to panic was the variety of foods I should be able enjoy on maintenance.  I thought, "I can have ice-cream again" "I can have chocolate and pasta again".  And for a fleeting moment I'd feel joy that would quickly turn into fear.  I just kept thinking that I was going to continue struggling on maintenance because I'd definitely over indulge and I'd gain weight that I'd have to lose again.  Then I thought that I'd just stick to the eating plan I was following but indulge once per week after a long run.  That sounded too much like a reward to me and I swore I'd never reward myself with food again.

It wasn't until I committed to following Paleo for maintenance that I felt calm and at ease again. Paleo is black and white.  There is no grey area.  It's simple and structured, and it was exactly what I needed.  It was truly my "aha" maintenance moment.  So when people feel the need to pity me for my diet, don't.  I actually like the way I eat.  I'm never hungry, I'm full of energy, and I've never felt better.  And I'm in complete control of my eating.  That is really important for me and makes me feel safe.  So when I get asked what will make me a successful maintainer, it means never letting food control me again.

Dinner was a simple salad with chicken breast, tomatoes,
onion and avocado.

My eats for today.

The post about AOL comments and running in the heat

I got a lot of awesome AOL comments.  People are so supportive and complimentary.  I am thankful for each and every one.  Even the one from Mr. Decker is Mr. Right.  Check out his comment on my story. Scroll down and you'll come across it.  Makes me appreciate that I am someone that has empathy for others. Unless you  have dealt with the emotional issues that go along with obesity, you will never understand how this disease affects your psychological well being. Honestly Mr. Decker, I wish we could all be as perfect as you, but alas we are not.  I'll never make excuses for how I became obese, but I can assure you, if I could have done this 35 years ago, I would have. I applaud your 30 pound weight loss at the age of fifteen. Sounds like your parents didn't let you play enough.  Perhaps this is why you are so angry now?  Maybe a good counselor is in order?  Best of luck to you!

Today was a freaking hot day! I was driving around in my car for the majority of it which meant I was a hot mess.  Although I have a/c in my car, using it too much causes me to have a headache. I ran at 5:45 this morning.  It was already 30 degrees Celsius with the humidex.  Not a very pleasant run to say the least.  I drank a lot of water yesterday in preparation for my run this morning, but it is never enough.  I swear I would prefer to run in the freezing cold than to run right now. Any physical activity outside in this heat means you have to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.  And honestly, I'm sweating right now as I type this, so I need to hydrate!  I can't stress that enough.

Thanks to all for your supportive comments over the past couple of days. In regards to the video and the AOL business.  It's still a bit surreal to me.  I couldn't sleep last night because I had a lot of anxiety, and I'm not sure why.  Ultimately, I'd like to help as many people as I can.  That is why I agreed to do the Everyday Health interview and that is the main reason I continue to write this blog.  I answered a lot of emails today.  If I haven't gotten to yours yet, I promise that I will by tomorrow.

The video is something that I wanted to make for Julien so that he will have it to look back on when he gets older.  He doesn't remember me being morbidly obese, which I'm thankful for.  It's a bit difficult to talk about the video still.  Julien wants to watch it several times a day.  He's just tickled he's actually on Youtube. The hard part is that when he watches it, I have to read it to him and I still can't get through it without getting choked up.  He asks why my eyes are sweating.  Which makes me laugh through my tears.  He is such an awesome boy.

So I haven't posted something positive about myself in the last few posts.  I love that my thighs no longer rub together.  They actually haven't since last summer, but it is definitely more defined now. Although I still have some fat to lose around my upper outer thighs and hip area, I'm really happy with the way things firmed up in my inner thighs. Slow and steady wins the race.  I actually tried to get a decent picture of the space between  my thighs and was finally able to do this through the reflection on my patio door. I don't have a full length mirror, so the patio door had to do.  I'm proud of my inner thighs because it shows another way that running has transformed my body.  Just another reason I love running!

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw this picture of myself in the window.
It is definitely not the way I see myself.

So my day in pictures today  is pretty lame.  Same old, same old which I'm sure you have to be bored of by now.  Mandarin for lunch with a client and chicken ratatouille for dinner. I hadn't made the ratatouille in a while and it was good, but what was I thinking cooking on such a hot day.  We don't have central air!  And I just want too brag for one minute...the shorts I'm wearing in the photo below?  Size 6 Joe Fresh!  I couldn't get them past my hips a couple of months ago, and there I am wearing them and they are not skin tight.  Have I lost any weight?  Nope.  Still sitting strong at 165...  Yes, great job on the weight loss. It's great that your not some lazy over grown gross cow anymore. Good for you doing something about it, as you should in the first place. UnlesUyouwill never I've spenenoI NleastfMandarin today with a client

It was humid during my run this morning.
Not looking forward to tomorrow's 10K tempo run.

Lots of grilled chicken, grilled veggies, pepper steak, chow mein.

The top one makes sense for adding "in bed" at the end.
The bottom one, not so much.

I didn't feel like posing.  I was hot and bothered.

Chicken ratatouille.

My eats from today.