The post about remembering those I love, getting stripped (again), and being incognito

One of the few memories I have of my birth mother.  Taken April 2010.

• I had a good cry today.  It was one year ago that I lost my birth mother.  Our relationship was a short one. Only 30 months. But it was an important relationship for me.  We were just getting to know each other when she was taken away.  I blogged about this a year ago.  You can read that post here. Thinking of her inevitably makes me think of the mother (who raised me) and who I lost over 10 years ago.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about both of these amazing women.  Both played an important role in my life, just at different times.  Miss you and wish you were here. You are always in my heart.
• Wow! I just read my post from a year ago and it made me cry all over again. 
• Julien is super excited about Halloween tonight.  He's dressed up as Luigi (from Super Mario Brothers).  He was Mario last year.  I found his costume at Value Village for $5, sans the hat.  Wasn't sure what to do about the hat.  So I had an "a-ha" moment in the car on Tuesday.  I took one of my hubby's old hats, covered it in kelly green felt (with a glue gun), pasted a white felt "L" to the front and voila! A costume that cost me $7. The gloves were left overs from Mario's costume last year.
• I'm hoping and praying the inclement weather we are expected holds off until Trick or Treat time is over. I have A LOT of candy I need to shell out!  Would be very bad for hubby if it doesn't get given away.  He has no will power.
• I'm roasting a chicken right now and having sauteed broccoli with red peppers and onions for a side. That is all.

Just in case you were wondering, and I know you were, this is what I look like
when I'm getting stripped.

• Yesterday I had my calves and my neck stripped by my massage therapist.  The calves hurt like a mother effer, and my massage therapist commented that he was glad that I found Jesus.  The neck was not nearly as bad but if my eyes were not open in the above (right) picture, I would have looked like I was dead.
• I also went to physio last night and Graham told me that I was VERY close to running again.  Honest to God I wanted to kiss him full on the lips.  But that would have been wrong on so many levels. He's very young, he's in a committed relationship, I'm married...and HELLO? He's my physio therapist.  So I abstained.  But I did do a happy dance in front of him.
• I went to see Ron today.  He's the assistant manager at the Running Room.  We shot the shit for about 20 minutes.  We chatted about my comeback to running and he suggested, and I agreed, that I'm going to follow the Learn to Run program for a couple of weeks before I head into 1/2 marathon training.  Thanks for the suggestion Ron!
• I contemplated registering for the Chilly 1/2 Marathon again this year.  It was my 1st half marathon.  I decided not to.  For several reasons, but financial was the main one. Instead I'm going to volunteer at that race.  It is a nostalgic run for me and I want to participate any way I can.
• I have been eating on plan over the past couple of weeks.  I have not posted my food journal because in my opinion, it's super boring and super repetitive.  I just eat the exact same things every single day. I know that can't be very inspirational, but it's the truth.  I need a sound whipping. I swear I'm not a masochist. 

Cheap gas!!!!! I think I did pretty damn good with that Luigi hat!

• Heather was kind enough to give me some porn literature suggestions.  I have read them all.  Just for the record, I also enjoyed all books written by Rachel Gibson.  I'm not just stuck in historical romance.
• Yesterday I met a new client who lives in Brantford.  This is very exciting for me.  Not only is it only 35 minutes from Hamilton, but it also means cheap gas! I am a hop, skip and a jump away from the Grand River First Nation.  I paid 96 cents per liter for gas yesterday.  I would have paid $1.23 for it anywhere else.  The perks of having a gas card!
• I had a meeting at another work location this morning.  I saw the woman who covered my maternity leave.  She made no indication of recognizing me.  Even when I addressed her.  My colleague called her back and said, "do you know my colleague?" to which she answered that she did not.  Once I started really talking to her, she finally recognized who I was and said, "It's been a long time since I've seen you.  You look great!".  Always nice to hear.
• I also saw my former supervisor from when I used to work in residence.  He smiled at me, but I could tell from the vacant look in his eyes, he did not know who I was.
• Happy Halloween everyone!  It's raining right now.  Guess hubby's going to get wet!

The post about an ultrasound, a 120th anniversary and literature at it's finest

The lovely mitt and hat set that Aunt Rose made.

• Yesterday I was up at 5am and didn't get home till after 10pm.  I spent my morning in court (to support a client), I was in the office in the afternoon, then I headed to my dad's place in Scarborough where he treated me to dinner, then I headed over to Scarborough General Hospital for the ultrasound appointment on my foot, then I headed to Tim Horton's in Scarborough to meet with a Dr. Poon support group.  I was a very busy beaver...And that was the longest run on sentence EVER!
• I have been getting up at 5am for about a week now.  I'm not sure what that's all about. I just wake up and lie in bed until I know that I'm not going back to sleep, then I get up and make coffee.  I have also been feeling anxious about something, I'm just not sure what it is.  Money? Work? Car problems? Those are on-going and nothing new.  I have a feeling I'm anxious about going away for an overnight with my hubby this weekend.  It will be the first time we leave Julien with someone besides one of us. I know I'm worrying for nothing. Uncle Ross will do an awesome job!
• Yesterday I became the proud owner of a lovely mitt and hat set. My colleague's aunt knitted a couple of big bags full of knitted hats, scarves, mitts, shawls.  I don't often wear hats in the winter, but I thought the set was cute and I liked the colors.  I think they're adorable.  I will likely wear it when I run.
• When I went for my foot ultrasound yesterday, I told the technician that I never knew they could ultrasound feet.  The technician told me that a doctor will order it if they suspect Morton's Neuroma. It's not a very common practice.  She spent about 15 minutes saving images of my foot.  By the time she was done I had so much of that ultrasound goop on my foot that it looked like I stepped into a vat of slime.  It was not pleasant to clean up.  I have to call my doctor's office tomorrow to get the date of the appointment that they booked for me with the specialist. Now that I've had the ultrasound and the x-ray, I get to go speak to the specialist who will tell me that I need surgery.  I already know how this is going to go down.  Since 6 adjustments did not work on my orthotics, my only other option will be surgery. Not going to happen.  I'd rather be a half marathon runner exclusively than have my feet cut open. I was already told that the success rate of surgery for Morton's Neuroma was only 50%.  Not good enough odds for me.  I will still run a marathon next fall.  No matter what they tell me, I want to complete at least one to say that I did.
• Hmmmmmmm, maybe that also has something to do with my anxiety...

Hubby and I are half way down the list.

• This year marks the 120th anniversary of the Around the Bay Road Race. I felt a moment of nostalgia this morning and even though I still can't run for three more weeks. I registered for the 30K race.  I'm excited and nervous at the same time.  I'm nervous about running again all together.  What if I die during my first run?  It's been 8 weeks since I have run.  Whoa! That is a long freaking time.  I'm just nervous about struggling. I know I won't be starting from where I was when I first started running at 230 pounds, but I'm still anxious about what it will be like.  What if my breathing is way off? What if my ankle hurts? What if I try to avoid a little old lady and her dog and fall over on an uneven piece of pavement? She is so going down this time! KIDDING! 
• Well since I have registered and paid for The Bay, I am committed. This means that no matter what happens in the next 5 months, I am running or walking that race.  I'm sure I''ll be running it all the way, but my confidence as a runner has waned significantly.  
• Last night I met with a group of great people at a Tim Horton's in Scarborough for some coffee and conversation.  It was my second time meeting all of them except one.  I had the pleasure of meeting Paula for the first time!  We discussed highs and lows of weight loss, strategies for making the lifestyle change and struggles.  It's always great to offer and get support from others.  I look forward to seeing them again in December.
• Today Suzanne told me that my face divot dimple left over from my shattered cheek bone was sexy. I'll take it!
• I had to do a grocery shop tonight after I ate dinner.  We had less than nothing left for food. Even the dog had no food.  I hate grocery shopping.  Maybe even more than I hate feet.

I am definitely getting lightup shoes for the
Around the Bay.  Julien would think it's cool.

• So a couple of posts ago, Heather said she wished I could mention what I'm reading because she is looking for prime porn literature to read as well.  So if you're not Heather, you can skip over the next few bullets. Well Heather, I'm not too shy to share the sordid details of my smut library.  I have since finished it, but the book I was reading in the x-ray waiting room was Scandalous Liaisons by Sylvia Day.  The book is made up of three novellas and they are all connected.  Like any good porn, the story line left a lot to be desired, but there was mucho action going on.  Those Regency Era folks were a feisty bunch! I borrow all my books electronically from the library. That way the library staff does not need to see the desperate woman who signs out so many erotica books.  Who knew that the local library had so much porn available!
• I did enjoy reading the Spindle Cove series by Tessa Dare.  She's quite humorous in her writing, and I found her characters to be very likable.  Now her books are less smutty and more fun to read. There is still some prime sex in them though, don't get me wrong. The added bonus is that there's a lot more story to go along with it.  My favorite book was the last one, Any Duchess Will Do.  Such a corny title!
• Now if you want a really good book that has it all, I loved Addicted and Sinful by Charlotte Featherstone.  Very good books.  I remember feeling so sad while reading them.  They weren't the cliche historical romance books I tend to rush through.  Both stories were quite heart wrenching and really touched me.  I did the unthinkable too.  I never read books twice (unless they were required reading for university or To Kill a Mockingbird which I've read three times just because) but I read Sinful twice.
• Loved Marc's comment from a few posts ago...A Paleo matchmatcher maker service!?! I believe back in the day it was club 'em over the head and drag them back to the cave;). Marc never fails to crack me up!
• Well I'm off to bed.  I'm hopeful that I will get more than 4.5 hours of sleep tonight.  I feel dead tired right now, but I feel like this every night.  I have a massage in the morning. Maybe that will help calm my nerves.  Good night all:)

The post about Lou Reed, Olympian Reid Coolsaet and an AWESOME half marathon

Reid Coolsaet ran by me so fast I could a) feel his wind, and b) all his pictures
were blurry.  Hubby at 10K, Me holding Hailey's sign. Wheelchair athlete.

• Lou Reed died this morning.  I didn't learn this news until I was on my way to pick Julien up from my girlfriend Elin's house (she graciously babysat him for us this morning/afternoon)!  It was sad news for me. Lou Reed is one of those artists that makes me think of someone.  He makes me think of Elin. Elin is an infinitely important part of my life.   We talked about Lou Reed this afternoon.  She said the only person whose death affected her more greatly was John Candy's.  RIP Lou Reed.
• I woke up today at 5 am. I tossed and turned in bed for about 30 minutes until I finally gave in and got myself up.  Why was I up so early? Nerves, that's why.  You would have thought that I was running my first half marathon today.  All I had to do was show up and look pretty!  During the entire time I was in turmoil, my husband was fast asleep upstairs.
• We got ourselves out of the house by 8am, dropped Julien off at Elin's at 8:15am, then hit the road for Fort Erie.  The finish line was in Niagara Falls, but the start line was in Fort Erie, 7K from the border.  Gun time was 10am and I dropped hubby off for 9:30. He had to walk a couple of kilometers to the start line.
• I drove to about the 8K mark and waited to see my hubby, and more importantly Olympian Reid Coolsaet run by.  Reid ran by a mere 24 minutes into the race.  Honest to God he was a blur. I couldn't get a photo of him that was not blurry and I could feel his wind.  I swear I never saw his feet touch the ground either.  I screamed encouragement like a love sick school girl and he never heard a word of it I'm sure. Reid won the race with a time of 1:03:11.  Hubby ran by at around 58 minutes into the race, about 5 minutes before Reid finished.  Awesome!!!
• I met a couple of lovely ladies at the 8K mark.  We cheered on runners and I was loud. Surprise, surprise! I'm a little hoarse right now.  Awwwwwww, how cute would it be if I was a Shetland Pony? Sadly I am not.  But my voice is scratchy.  I high fived runners, screamed my lungs out, clapped until my hands were sore and held up one of Hailey's signs for her.  She had several.  Tons of fun.  
• The wheelchair athletes were amazing to see.  I'll think of them the next time I'm bitching and complaining about having to run in the cold.

Left: Hubby coming in for the big finish.
Top centre: Me at mile 26!! I'm a marathoner...not!
Top right: Hubby coming out of the corral.
Bottom centre: Check out the new half marathoner!
Bottom right: A selfie in front of the Niagara River.

• The winner of the marathon came in at 2:22:41.  Almost 6 minutes faster than my hubby ran his half.  I was standing by a woman at the finish line who insisted that we wouldn't see any marathoners for another 2 hours.  I told her that the elites would be rolling in any time after 2:15.  I knew there weren't any huge names running the full, so no records would be compromised. A Toronto boy won.  His pace was 3:24 per kilometer.  That is amazing.  She was shocked.
• When I saw my husband approach the finish line, I got a little verklempt.  I remember how emotional it was for me when I ran my first half.  I actually got teary when I saw the finish line.  I was soaked, cold and my feet hurt like the devil.  It's such a huge accomplishment and I was so proud of him. I knew he did not feel the same though. He felt happy to be done, but no big emotions for him.
• The first thing he said to me after he was done was, "I want to run a full".  I knew it!!!!
• While I was waiting for hubby to finish, a young man came to stand beside me to cheer on runners. He had run the half and was offering support to other runners.  I asked how he did, he said he didn't PB, but was still happy with his time.  He finished in 1:26 and some micro-seconds.  Damn!  
• It was an emotional experience watching runners cross the finish line.  You could see the emotion in their faces and it choked me up.  Some were so happy to be there, some were just happy to be done, some were struggling.  Didn't matter, they all completed an awesome feat.  Running 21.1K is not a walk in the park.  It requires a lot of training and dedication.  

Yeah, we went to the Mandarin for hubby's celebratory
brunch!  He was hungry!  Hubby's newest bling!

• Just in case you're wondering, hubby's finishing time was a respectable 2:29:16.  He ran an under 2:30 half.  Good job!
• Hubby's hobbling around like a little old lady now.  He has sore shins and a sore knee. It's expected. I was sore for days after running my first half.  I also wore my medal at work the next day. Hey! I earned it!!!!  Hubby's medal is on my dresser up stairs. He'll never wear it again, but he should!
• I don't know why it's happening, but my weight has gone down another pound.  I weighed in this morning at 162.  I didn't get a picture because I forgot my camera, was naked, and refused to go traipsing through the house nude just to get my phone.  You'll just have to believe me.  Now, I weighed myself because I have noticed my pants fitting me differently.  My size 8's are getting quite loose and I have a couple of pairs of size 9/10 pants that I can't wear without belts anymore.  They fall down.  I am sure I could squeeze into a 6, but they would not look good.  You know, camel toe and everything. There is nothing sexy about camels. That is all. 
• I desperately need to go grocery shopping.  We have absolutely NO FOOD in the house!
• I really, really need to go to bed.  It's after midnight and I've been up since 5am.  Good night:)

My husband is going to KILL me for this, but I have to.  I got a lovely man to
take our photo.  Hubby knew his photo was being taken and he stuffed his face
with a protein bar.  Really? He looks like Quagmire from Family Guy!

The post about a tine in my intestine, matchmaking for Paleoists and my leathers

POP!

• Graham popped my ankle at physio on Tuesday night.  He wasn't supposed to, but while he was putting pressure on it, it just popped on it's own.  HUGE difference in my range of motion.  So now I have new exercises to do because the ankle popped.  It's all good.  I can definitely feel that it's not as stiff.  Still grosses me out that he'll get so close to my feet...or anyone's feet for that matter. I hate feet.
• My lovely colleague Adriana asked me about Half Salt today.  She wanted to know what it is and if I still use it.  Well Adriana, half salt is a salt and potassium chloride mixture.  It contains 50% less sodium than regular salt.  I used it while I was losing weight and following Dr. Poon's Metabolic Diet. I do not use half salt anymore.  That is because I use sea salt as any good Paleoist would.  I'm jiving you.  You're not a bad Paleoist if you don't use sea salt.  And I'm sure that Paleoist isn't even a word. I just made it up.
• Today I headed on over to the Huffington Post to see if there were any comments left on the article that was written about me.  There were four.  There are 8 now because I responded to them all.  That is a tough crowd over there!  The first comment was short and sweet.  I know who left it.  The next comment said that I still look fat.  Now that was a huge blow to my already fragile self esteem. Whatever.  The 3rd comment wanted to know why they didn't write a story about how I gained 145 pounds in the first place.  Then the same person left another comment which I'm not sure how to take. Am I flattered?  I think so.  The comment was, and I quote "look like she invested in some fake hair extensions in the past year too".  OMG!  My hair looks that good that they figure it has to be fake? LOVE it!  Now if they knew anything about me, they would know that I am super cheap frugal.  I would sooner cut off my neighbor's beautiful locks in her sleep than pay for someone's hair to attach to my head.  Sheesh!  Thanks for the compliment though;)
• I completely forgot how much I loved the Moist song "Breathe".  It's from 1999 and it was on the compilation CD, Big Shiny Tunes 4 which was put out by Much Music.  I also forgot that I used to have a crush on David Usher.  So I Googled him.  He has aged very well.  Still looking good David!
• Yesterday was a pot-luck lunch at work.  It consisted of a bunch of international dishes.  I definitely did not eat 100% Paleo.  I had some meat dishes and I'm not sure what the sauces were that they were cooked in.  I also ate this beet and herring salad. Sounds gross and looked even grosser, but was surprisingly yummy.  I think there were eggs in there too.  Needless to say, my stomach didn't feel stellar at the end of lunch.  I'm sure I ate dairy.
• I also ate a plastic fork tine.  Funny thing was, I knew I bit it off and instead if spitting it out, I just swallowed it.  Why?  I'm not sure.  I'm definitely going to have chalk up the pot luck lunch as a cheat meal.  I'm positive that plastic fork tines are not Paleo.

Top left: Bun less burger and sweet potato fries from the Pickle Barrel
Bottom left: My lunch from today, left over spaghetti squash Bolognese
Right: My client's strawberry cheesecake birthday sundae

• Today I worked late.  I didn't leave the office until after 7:15 pm.  I would have left earlier, but my boss and I were discussing the possibility of opening a Paleo restaurant.  Now don't ask me where we would get the funds to do this, it's along the same lines as the tour bus/yacht idea.  But I think it would be seriously successful.  Not only would you attract all the Paleoists and Primalists, but the Celiacs would come a running too.  If it's Paleo, it's gluten free.  We also decided that it would be a matchmaker business as well.  We both felt very strongly that we should aid lonely Paleoists, Primalists and Celiacs in finding true love.  Don't ask how that part of the conversation came up.  I'm still trying to figure that out myself.
• I was in the office yesterday and today.  L-o-n-g days for me.  I made banana bread to bring in for team meeting yesterday.  So all day, it sat behind me on the snack table that is located right behind my work pod.  It actually didn't bother me in the least.  Now if there were nuts there? I definitely wouldn't be able to control myself. I'm a lover of nuts.  I love nuts of all kind (I'm going to stop that now).  Funny how times have changed.  There was a time where I wouldn't have given nuts a second thought but I would have eaten all the banana bread and two-bite brownies (which were also there) all by myself and in record time.  Possibly even taking them to the bathroom so I could eat them in private.  Man I was a hot mess!
• While I was walking down Yonge Street yesterday, some dude said that I had a nice piece of ass.  Now again, one of those comments that I'm not sure if I'm flattered or offended.  It left me wondering what piece of it was nice.  And why just a piece of it? Why not the entire ass?  I was wearing the jeans that my girlfriend Elin says my bum looks good in.  I didn't say anything in response, but almost said "thank you", just out of habit.
• On Tuesday I had an x-ray on my foot for the issue with my crampy toes.  I had to wait about an hour so I brought my e-reader and started reading a new book that I thought was just one of my regular smut books.  Smutty, but not too smutty.  Turns out, it was too smutty. I got uncomfortable reading it in the crowded waiting room but couldn't stop.  Thank goodness it was an e-reader and no one knew what I was reading (except that they may have guessed from my heavy breathing and flushed face).  
• I am almost officially done with Reitmans.  I have $3 left on my gift card.  I bought two sweaters on Tuesday.  I can still get a pair of earrings on clearance.  Feels good because I was obsessing over the last bit of money left on the card.  I am strange that way.  We have come a long way, that gift card and I.  I had it for 9 months.  I'm feeling a little nostalgic right now and can hear "Memory" from Cats in my head.
• Although I curse the cold every morning, I also love it because I get to wear my leather coats/jackets again. Love my leathers.  And just in case you're new here, I bought 2 leather coats and 2 leather jackets last year from Value Village for under $100 bucks in total.  Two of them were in brand new condition too.  See? Frugal!
• I'm off to bed.  My contacts are drying out and I can't see the computer screen clearly anymore.  I'm also at a crucial part in my book.  I need to go read before I nod off to sleep.  Big weekend ahead.  It's my hubby's first half marathon on Sunday!  Good night beautiful people!

Some stuff I wore over the past few days.
Top left: My $4 bracelet from Reitmans
Top right: My Nine West leather coat
Bottom left: My tunic from Reitmans
Bottom right: At my desk with the banana bread and brownies behind me!
My hair extensions look a mess...

The post about being featured in the Huffington Post, fall food and an exciting marathon weekend

I am going to be featured on the Canadian Huffington Post tomorrow!  I was contacted by Arti Patel, the Associate Editor of the HP a few weeks ago.  She sent me a bunch of questions to answer and wrote up this lovely article.  You can read it here.  It touches on a couple of things I have struggled with in my past. Namely my issues with bulimia as a teen.  I have not really discussed my bulimia with my family.  For some of them, this will be their first time reading about it.  I figure that if I can help even one other person change their life by putting my story out there, it is all worth it!

Sunday was a flurry of activity here at the Costa residence.  I was in my jammies until after 2pm.  I was doing all kinds of stuff around the house.  We finally brought in the house plants from outside and hubby and Jules cleaned up the back yard.  This included raking leaves and cutting down some of the perennial plants in the garden. All the patio stuff was also put away for the winter.  I love the fall, but I don't necessarily like the fall clean-up.  It means winter is right around the corner.

I made a Paleo brunch, slow cooked a roast, did the mountain of laundry that
I do every weekend, let my hair air dry, brought in the house plants, and watched
Smitty NOT clean her private parts for a change.

Part of the reason I was in my jammies until 2pm was because I was stalking runner's results from the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon.  Lanni Merchant and Krista DuChene both broke the Canadian's women marathon record.  I saw that some people I follow on Twitter qualified for Boston.  And 82-year-old Ed Whitlock ran a 3:41:58 marathon.  Amazing!  Next year this is going to be my marathon.  It will be the next marathon that I will train for.  I'm not going to lie.  I'm still feeling the sting of missing out on the Road2Hope this year (due to breaking my ankle on September 4th), and as the marathon date approaches (November 3), I can't help but feel let down. But I'm looking at the positives.  I have four more weeks of physio, then I can start running again. And I have a half marathon and a 30K to look forward to.  I need to start training again.  Without a goal in mind, I'm feeling a little lost!

This coming weekend is my husband's first half marathon (Niagara Falls).  I am very proud of him, and am really excited to see him complete this goal he set for himself.  I'm also super excited to see some elite runners taking part in the half marathon.  Including Olympian Reid Coolsaet.  I'm thinking of making a sign. I've never been a spectator before.  I've always been a runner.  The best spectators are the ones who make a ton of noise and talk to you when you run by.  So I'm definitely bringing my cow bells.  It will be fun, and even though I'll be spectating alone, it will be a new and awesome experience for me.

Yesterday I made Paleo pancakes.  There were three ingredients.  Two ripe bananas, two eggs, 1/4 tsp. of cinnamon.  Hubby ate his with 100% pure maple syrup, I passed on the syrup.  We could have been uber Paleo and used 100% pure organic maple syrup, but I'm too cheap to buy that stuff!  I thought they were okay, hubby was not impressed with the consistency.  Maybe next time I`ll add some almond flour to give them a firmer texture.  I did splurge and buy organic breakfast sausages!

Today was a bit of a struggle for me food wise.  I was with a client for a good part of the day and we had lunch out.  He initially wanted McDonald's, and I was able to talk him out of that.  I agreed to compromise and we ate at Subway.  Not my best option, but sometimes you have to pick your battles.  I got a roasted chicken salad with double the chicken.  My issue was that after he mentioned McDonald's, I kept thinking about a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.  When I was morbidly obese, no word of a lie, I would go through the McDonald's drive thru on my way home from work.  The Quarter Pounder meal with super sized fries and large diet coke (God forbid I drank calories) was my mid-afternoon snack.  I would eat that in my car, during my commute home through slow traffic.  I would stop at a gas station before getting home to dispose of the evidence because dinner was waiting for me.  Why I felt like I wanted a Quarter Pounder today is beyond me. The urge is gone, thank goodness!  But it was strong for a couple of hours.  I'm glad my client kept me focused on something else!

I think I need a bang trim again.  Baby and I watching All in the Family.
What I wore today.Everything from the waist up Value Village, everything from the
waist down Reitmans.
Dinner: roast, acorn squash, mashed cauliflower, cumin carrots.

Tomorrow is a busy day.  I have to get to the blood clinic first thing in the morning (in Scarborough) to get blood drawn so that Dr. Pitt can rest assured that I am not lacking any nutrients.  I just had my blood drawn in June, I doubt anything has changed since then.  Then I'm off to the bank with my dad to take care of some stuff with him. Then I have to get an x-ray on my foot regarding my crampy toe issue.  Then I have an appointment with a client.  Then I'm back in the Hammer for my physio appointment.  I have to make a casserole for work on Wednesday because we're having a pot luck lunch.  I'm not sure what I'm making yet, but it will definitely be something I can eat.  It's late, I'm thirsty, and I think the bullets are going to return for my next blog post  I'm funnier with bullets.

The post about getting a much needed manicure, the inappropriate bikers and including Georges St. Pierre in my self employment plans

• Apparently, my husband is officially annoyed by me.  Any time I ask him to take a picture of me results in an eye roll and an audibly loud "harrumph"!  Anybody want a job?
• Today I went to get my nails done.  A much needed appointment.  I haven't had them done in over four weeks.  My nail guy is AMAZING! If you live in the Golden Horseshoe, it's worth the drive. 432 Nails Spa on Main East in Hamilton. Ask for "T" and tell him Leigh sent you. He is truly awesome! An artist at what he does.
• I need more friends.  Why am I so lonely?
• My girlfriend Karen dropped by this afternoon. Always nice to talk to another woman about woman issues.  
• My first week back at work was uneventful.  That is all.

My MUCH needed manicure!

• I am reading some prime literature right now.  I cannot wait until 10pm when I can read it again...alone!
• I really need a life. My existence is pretty futile.
• I got propositioned and cat called on my way into my nail appointment today.  When I'm "hit on", it's usually done by 20 somethings.  This afternoon a couple of dudes on BICYCLES propositioned me. And they were my age!  I had to laugh. It just seemed so comical to me.  I didn't totally understand what they said, but Googled it when I got home.  Ummmmm, NO!  Made me feel a little bit special, and a lot dirty...
• I'm making Bolognese sauce and spaghetti squash as I type this...Yum!
• Tomorrow I am going to make Carrot Ginger Soup.  I know it will be AWESOME!

Top left: Smitty going to town.
Bottom left: Our flea bitten varmint.
Right: Why I can't write Smitty off...

• I'm chatting with my friend Shawn in Ireland right now and everything is awesome.  I'm not sure what we're discussing.  I'm on my 2nd glass of "grape juice".
• Is it wrong that I'm jealous that my six year old has a better social calendar than I do?
• Oh,I almost forgot! Yesterday I had lunch with my girls, Linda and Nina.  We have finalized our plans for self employment.  Nina is now on board and will act as my security.  Michael is off on vaca right now, but I know that when he gets back, he'll want a role too.  Anywho, we went back and forth on the tour buses.  We considered a train (like the Polar Express) only we'd call it the Poonapalooza Express, but people might get the wrong idea about what goes on on that train (you wouldn't be far off the mark).  We finally settled on a yacht.  Cool right?  Again, don't ask me what my job is, it's inconsequential.  We just sail the oceans and the Great Lakes in search of, I know not what.  And don't forget.  We have tutors (for our boys) and The Tudors (for Linda and I) and Stuart Reardon (just for me) and George Clooney and Georges St. Pierre (for Nina).  Realistically speaking, we couldn't all travel on even a couple of tour buses comfortably.  That's why we moved onto a yacht.  Praise be that we figured that out!
• I wore an awesome outfit today, but my husband would not photograph me properly. He was too bothered to take my picture with any kind of enthusiasm.  Yeah, that's right, I'm attempting to shame him.
• My cat has fleas. Good night.

The post about a podiatrist, The Mandarin and those damn nuts

My fortune from yesterday...
I am being sooooooooo patient, and still no knock:(

• Yesterday was a pretty packed day.  First thing in the morning I had a doctor's appointment with my GP, Dr. Pitt.  He saw me over the summer for my yearly physical, so it hasn't been that long since he's seen me.  He walks into the examination room and says, "Leigh Anne, you are so small".  So he sits down and starts asking me a bunch of questions about my broken ankle.  Then we move onto the subject of my weight loss and he wanted to know exactly what I ate in a day.  He's furiously writing everything down, and I thought it was for my file, but he was making a note for himself to take home.  I also told him to Google Paleo 'cos he'd get a lot more info.  He didn't say anything to me, but when I told him I didn't eat dairy, grains, any processed foods, refined sugar or legumes, he looked at me and said, "still"?  Yup!  So he ordered blood tests for me.  I just had them done in June, but he wants to make sure all my levels are good.
• I like his scale better than mine, it says 162.  My husband insists that our house scale is two pounds heavier than every other scale in the world.  Meh. Maybe.  I use my scale for official weigh-ins though, so it doesn't matter what Dr. Pitt's scale says.  
• Dr. Pitt completed the referral for the podiatrist and gave me a requisition to get an x-ray and to have an ultrasound on my foot.  The x-ray gets done this coming Tuesday, and the ultrasound is scheduled for the week after.  I'm anxious but hopeful that I'll get the answers I need about my crampy toes.
• After my doctors appointment I went to meet a client for a lunch meeting.  Being off work for so long meant that I had not been eating out at all.  When I'm working I eat out on average 3x per week. Eating out and maintaining a healthy life style can be done. I'm living proof.  I have eaten out 3x per week since I started losing weight.  It's all about not being afraid to ask for what you want.  If what you want to eat is not on the menu, ask for an accommodation.  Way back when I was on Phase 1 of Dr. Poon's diet, I took a client to a pizza parlor for her birthday.  It was an old style sit down pizza place. It was lovely, but there was literally nothing I could eat on the menu except a starter salad.  I looked at the toppings that were on the pizza menu and asked the waiter if the chef could grill me a chicken breast with some sauteed veggies.  They were more than happy to accommodate me.  I just had to ask.
• Yesterday I ate at the Mandarin, which is a Chinese buffet.  It is one of my favorite places to eat because it's very easy to follow Paleo there.  They have a salad bar with lots of raw veggies, a carvery with roast beef and grilled chicken and steak.  They also have some sort of baked fish, cooked shrimp and mussels and lots of fresh fruit.  Even though my client always complains about my lack of food variety, I always feel good when I leave because I know I ate well.  And watching other people eat crap food always helps me stay on track.  I drank a ton of water to flush out the added sodium.

Top left: enjoying my morning coffee (in my driveway).
Bottom left: Waiting for Dr. Pitt.
Right: Leaving the Mandarin. The entire outfit is from
Reitman's with the exception of the cable knit sweater.
That's from Old Navy. I love fall clothes!

• My poor little cat Baby had to be taken to the vet today.  Her fleas are out of control. She's licked herself raw on her back and even though we have given her the flea treatment 3x, she is in bad shape. Fingers crossed that she starts feeling better soon. She got a steroid shot, so I'm just waiting for her meow to become all manly and Arnold like.
• Smitty on the other hand is still flea free!  I know the fleas won't come back on Smitty because she loves me and just wouldn't do that to me.  Baby only tolerates me because I feed her.  Butt licking aside, Smitty's working her way back to favorite pet status.
• I spent the day in the office today...dreadful.  A regular 9-5 office job is not for me.  I got lots of work done, true...but when I'm not out and about seeing clients, the day drags. Tomorrow I have three appointments, so thank God it's Friday!
• I was talking with my co-worker today and we got onto the topic of my blog.  She said, "in a way, you've gone full circle".  What she meant by that was I initially went to school (when I was 18) to be a Photojournalist.  That never panned out for me and I ended up going back to school to become a Child and Youth Worker.  That's the field I work in now.  But I've always liked to write for fun and that's part of the reason I was initially drawn to Photojournalism.  Although Photojournalism focuses more on the photography aspect of journalism, writing was definitely more my thing.  And now I write again.  I don't get paid for it, but I enjoy it and if can help someone through sharing my story, that's an added bonus!
• For dinner I ate an obscene amount of cabbage.  Nuff said.

This makes me giggle.

• At the office, there is always tasty treats lying around.  My boss has a huge bowl filled with Halloween chocolate bars in his office.  After Halloween he'll fill it with Christmas chocolates.  He keeps that bowl full of something sugary.  Today in the kitchen, there were Costco pumpkin pies.  I have zero problem resisting those treats. I'm just not interested.  This afternoon I got a unit wide email from a co-worker who announced she had an assortment of dried fruit and nuts at her desk.  Holy Hanna!  I could not get to her desk fast enough.  FINALLY, something I could eat!  It wasn't a good situation. I kept going back to her desk over and over.  See?  I am completely without restraint when it comes to nuts.  I'm even supposed to be off nuts right now.  No willpower what so ever!  They had better be gone tomorrow or I'm accidentally knocking them on the floor.  Or maybe I just don't walk by her desk. Doesn't matter.  I think I ate most of them already.
• I just ordered a mother load of Moroccan Oil from my sister-in-law.  Fourteen bottles. At $15 a pop I'll be using it for years!  I'm actually splitting it with my girlfriend Linda. But my portion should still last me years.  I guess I'm keeping my hair long for a few more years at least!
• I got lots of nice compliments on my hair and outfit today. I saw some people that I haven't seen since June due to vacations and then my medical leave.  They said they didn't recognize me because I looked so different.  That makes me wonder what I would have looked like if I actually got to run the 250K I was scheduled to run in September.  
• You may not know this, but I'm dying to run again. Oh sorry, have I mentioned that before?  Silly me!  Don't you hate repetitiveness?
• Last but definitely not least, I want to give a shout out to my girl Vanessa.  She's nursing a sprained ankle and has been off her feet for a few days.  Go on over to Athena Banded Warrior and give her some love.  Tell her Leigh sent you:)

The post about a jam packed weekend and going back to work

• The above video shows Julien blowing out his birthday candles from the cake that Uncle Ross bought him (Monster's University).  He loved the cake (even though he doesn't eat it).  He just loves blowing out the candles and the toys he gets on the top. My voice is the one that is the loudest.  I hate hearing myself on tape.  I can't sing worth shit either.
• This was an action packed weekend.  It started with Julien's birthday on Friday.  Lucky duck got three birthday celebrations.  Friday was his birthday party with friends, Sunday was his birthday celebration with my family and Monday was his birthday celebration with  my in-laws.  Julien had a great weekend.  It was Canadian Thanksgiving, so every year that we get together for the big holiday dinners, Julien gets treated like a king because his birthday always falls on the holiday weekend.  
• There was lots of food this past weekend.  I managed to stay true to Paleo.  Hubby did not fare so well.  I knew he was going off the deep end when I saw him scarfing down the Cheetos, party mix and Chips on Friday.  Then Saturday night, he got into the extra party loot bags and ate the Smarties and giant rolls of Rockets.  After eating the candy, he moved onto bread with peanut butter.  But he didn't stop there.  No sir!  He ate the scalloped potatoes and pumpkin pie at my dad's place, then proceeded to delve into the tasty treats at his mom's place which included home made apple pie.  None of the contraband food he ate was a Paleo version.  Just watching him motivated me to not eat any crap.  I know that he got the sugar back into his system and was craving all that crap.  That is exactly why I did not eat off plan.
• This past weekend I ate ham, broccoli, green beans, squash and cabbage with kielbasa (a dish my mom used to make) at my dad's place.  It was a joint effort by me and my sister-in-law, but mostly my sister in-law.  At my in-laws I had chicken and veal cutlets, rapini, tossed salad, green and yellow beans and fresh fruit.  Everyone else also enjoyed lasagna, pie and cake.  I definitely had a good eating weekend and was stuffed both days.  

Photos of Smitty and I are just to show Finn photo bombing AGAIN!
My funny faced kid getting his birthday cake at Poppy's house.

• In the above photo, I tried my first attempt at the denim on denim look.  I think it looks good on other people, but wasn't sure if I could pull it off.  The entire outfit cost $21.50. The jeans are $8 from Value Village (American Eagle), the t-shirt $3.50 from Old Navy, the denim shirt $10 on clearance from Reitmans.  All in all, I think I did okay and Finn let me borrow his butt for free.  I look old in that picture.
• My sister-in-law got me the Moroccan Oil.  I thought I would give it a try this morning. Clearly I don't need to use as much of the real Moroccan Oil as I do the fake crap.  I evenly distributed it throughout my hair, and my hair looked completely greasy.  I ended up having to wear a sock bun because I had no time to re-wash my hair.  I had to get to work!  Note to self, a little dab will do ya!  My co-workers did comment on the shininess of my up-do.
• I made my lunch last night so it would be all ready for me to take to work this morning. I made salmon cakes, beet salad, brought some olives and a Honey Crisp apple (thank you Linda).  I finished everything by 12:30 and was famished by the time I made it to physio at 6:20 pm.  I ate when I got home, but I clearly need to bring more food with me.  There is rarely anything in the office I can eat.  I mean there's lots of food, just none of it is appropriate Paleo fare.
• Today was my first full day back at work in 6 weeks.  September 3rd was the last time I was in the office to work.  That was my first day back from vacation, then I broke my ankle the very next morning. I got lots of nice compliments about looking good.  A few people gave me the up and down look.  I think they were trying to determine if I gained any weight.  The consensus was that I did not gain weight, and a few people claimed I lost weight.  I know that I have lost 3 pounds, but you can't see it on me.  I was pretty straight forward about what a struggle it's been the past 6 weeks trying to stay on plan. Now that I am busy again and not sitting around anymore, I am hoping that I can get back to focusing on weight-loss.  I've got five more weeks before I can start running again.
• Even though I usually dread being in the office all day, I was just happy to get out of my house today.  I actually did get caught up on organizing stuff and contacting all my clients.  I have appointments booked for the rest of the week, so I'll finally get to have client contact again.  Something I missed a lot!
• The ankle was pretty sore by the time I got to my physio appointment this evening. Graham stretched it out real good, and it was pretty painful at times.  In about three more weeks, he talked about popping a joint in my ankle to give it more movement. Apparently the other physio guy (Mark) will have to hold my legs down while Graham pops the joint.  Sounds like a lot of fun and I can't wait.  I am already stressed about this procedure.  
• Graham told me that since I broke my fibula, my healing time will be shorter and I shouldn't have any issues when I run again.  Apparently it would have been much worse if I broke my tibia.  The fibula only absorbs 1/6 of your body's weight.  
• Good night sweet people.  I am tired.  I had a long day.  Tomorrow morning I see my GP for a referral to a specialist regarding my crampy toe issues.  Really looking forward to getting some answers there.  Eat clean and have fun!

The post about the most important person in my life, a weigh-in and biker chic

Julien in his birthday boy finery.  He got a Nintendo 3DS.  He is a very
good boy and totally deserved it.

• Today was a super duper special day.  It was Julien's 6th birthday.  Every day I look at my beautiful boy and am awed by the fact that I created that piece of perfection.  His conception was the most important thing in my life.  And the one thing I can claim with 100% certainty that I did absolutely right.  After Julien was born, we tried to have another child, but I suffered a particularly brutal and prolonged miscarriage.  This likely had to do with the fact that I was morbidly obese.  I had an "a-ha" moment after the miscarriage where I realized that he was the only child I needed in my life. He completed me and I didn't think I had more room in my heart for someone else.  He had complete possession of it.  We decided that we were going to be a family of three.
• I was adopted as a child and had no other blood relatives in my life (until 2010).  Julien was a piece of me and represented such an important part of my identity.  Growing up with no one that looked like me and constantly wondering where I came from was tough at times.  I felt like he was my home after he was born.  I could look into his eyes and see a piece of my soul.
• When I think of Julien I think of joy.  I think of innocence and pureness.  I also think that there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him.  He was born at 5:57 pm.  I had a c-section and they took him to the nursery for the first night of his life because I was frozen from the waist down.  My husband couldn't stay with me because I was in a semi-private room.  He had to leave later in the night and I was alone with an empty bed because the woman I was sharing with was still in the delivery room.  I put on my mp3 player to listen to the radio to help me fall asleep and I'll Stand by You by the Pretenders came on.  I just remember crying while listening to that song because it was exactly how I felt about my newborn son (and I was still as high as a kite).  I can't hear that song to this day without getting choked up because it makes me think of the deep love I have for that boy.
• I get asked a lot via email what keeps me motivated, dedicated, on plan.  The above three bullets keep me motivated, dedicated and on plan.  He has been my inspiration since day one and I won't disappoint him or let him down.  I can't stand by him if I'm not here.

Julien and I though the years.
Top Left: One day old.
Bottom Left: Third birthday party.
Right: Just shy of his 6th birthday.

• This morning we were up early.  Julien had a PA (professional activity) day from school so he was having some friends over for cake and ice cream in the afternoon.  We had to head out to Walmart to pick up the cake and get the stuff for loot bags.  Julien asked me what boys were if girls were pretty. I told him that boys are usually described as handsome.  He asked if I thought he was handsome.  I said of course, that he was the most handsome boy I knew.  Then I asked if he thought I was pretty and he said, "No mommy. You aren't pretty.  You are the most beautiful girl I know.  Even more beautiful than Princess Peach (Super Mario)".  My heart melted.
• The party went off without a hitch.  Six kids showed up which was plenty...and four parents?  What happened to the days when you just wanted to leave your kid at someone else's house for the afternoon.  Of course I had to feed them too.  Harrumph! 
• Yesterday I weighed in.  I am shocked that I am at my lowest adult weight ever!  I will tell you though, I'm pretty sure I'm losing muscle mass.  I feel flabby and my clothes are not fitting me any better. Although I am lighter, I'm not smaller.  I'm not too concerned though.  Once I start running again, I'll firm up.  I'll just focus on dropping a few more pounds.  I have six more weeks to focus on weight loss.
• I miss my gal Tanya.  She's on a prolonged holiday with her family in France and Sweden.  I have to wait about three more weeks until she's back.  Hope they are having a good time.
• Yesterday I stayed up until midnight to finish up the puzzle from hell.  I had to get it done so that I could take it's picture, then rip it apart.  My eyes were buggy by the time I finished it.

Top Left:  My weigh-in.
Bottom Left: My $19 haul from Reitmans.  The shoes were $10, the bracelet $4, the sunglasses $5.
Top Right: A better look at my kick ass sungalsses.
Bottom Right: The puzzle from hell.

• While I was working on my puzzle last night, my husband was watching clips on YouTube of Joyce Dewitt being interviewed by Suzanne Sommers on her show a few years back...without head phones! I would have done something so embarrassing in private.  That's all I have to say about that.
• It's Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend and I'm having dinner with my family on Sunday and my in-laws on Monday.  Looking forward to both meals.  I have been assured that there will be meat and veggies at both dinners, so I am covered.
• During the birthday party today, I noticed my husband eating Cheetos, party mix and chips like a champ. Paleo my ass.  And it pisses me off that he can have that shit and be done with it.  If I started eating that crap, I'd have gorged myself and would be sleeping off a carb hang-over right now. Instead I drank wine after physio.  Don't judge me.  Did I mention that three of Julien's friends are autistic? Three hours.  The party was three hours long.
• I went and did some retail therapy again yesterday.  I always check out the clearance racks at Reitmans and came out with a few gems.  Sexy sandals for $10, cool shades for $5, and a bracelet for $4.  I also bought a sweater shawl and my gift card has dipped below $100.00.  Yikes!  My relationship with Reitmans is coming to an end. Soon I'll be frequenting Value Village like it's my job again.  Love the stuff I get there for super cheap! Thrift is the way to go.
• Today I looked Biker Chic according to Graham's (physiotherapist) assistant Lana. She ultra-sounded my ankle and you can see in the picture below how high up the break actually was.  I thought it was much lower.  Don't ask why I'm wearing my shades and leather coat while doing exercises.  I'm always cold and I put the shades down when Graham was stretching my ankle so he couldn't see the tear that dropped from the corner of my eye.  I'm being serious.  It freaking HURT!  He also cracked my toes which never fails to gross me out.  Have I mentioned lately how much I HATE FEET!
• See the photo on the left below.  I do not know how many times Finn has photo bombed my pictures. Most times I crop him out.  He could be in a completely different part of the yard and the minute I'm getting a picture done, he's behind me.  Strange that.
• Another good hair day in the books. I'm off to bed.  I have a ton of laundry to do tomorrow and meal prep to start for the week.  Back to work on Tuesday.  Yeah baby!

Left: Biker Chic from VV, Reitmans and Walmart. The entire outfit
including real leather jacket...$42.  I am a shopping goddess.
Middle: Getting my ankle ultra-sounded to aid in bone repair.
Top Right: Doing physio exercises.
Bottom Right: Graham stretching the ankle.

The post about a healing ankle, firemen and my self-esteem

It was a special day so I decided to dress up for my appt.
at the fracture clinic.  I was also having a good hair day.

• Today's post is going to be mostly about my fractured ankle, my self-esteem, and some random shit thrown in. No food or food journal today.
• So yesterday was the big day.  I fractured my ankle five weeks ago today.  I went to the fracture clinic, and was told I no longer need to wear the moon boot. The doctor advised me to start physio right away, and to return to regular work hours after Thanksgiving.  Yes, and yes! I honestly felt like I'd been freed from prison.  That's what it totally feels like when you can't go anywhere by yourself. Since it was my right ankle that I broke, I couldn't drive.
• Just before my fracture clinic appointment, my hubby and I made our way to the car to discover that he left the door ajar and therefore the light was on.  My battery is in need of replacement so I knew right away that the car would be dead.  Sure enough, it wouldn't turn over.  It's a 15 minute drive to McMaster, I had about 30 minutes to spare and no money for a cab. Luckily my neighbor was home and didn't have to return to work for another 1.5 hours.  She came through like a trooper and drove me to Mac.  Her dog was trying to sit on me the entire way but it made no difference to me.  I had to get to the fracture clinic.  It was imperative that the doctor let me take the cast off.  
• It felt really weird to walk with a regular shoe on again. Or in my case, a riding boot.  I decided that it was a big day and I dressed for the occasion.  I wore my new riding boot to the clinic, and both my riding boots home.  I also decided that if I needed a projectile to hurl at the doctor if things didn't go my way, I'd get better acceleration from the boot if I spun it in the air first.  I'm kidding of course, I'd never damage a good pair of boots (or use violence against another person).
• The first thing I did after dinner last night was head over to my girlfriend Elin's house to use her scanner...and I drove myself!  I feel like a big girl again.

Top Left: I got sprung baby! See the moon boot in the back seat? Cheesy grin.
Bottom Left: At physio this afternoon. My ankle is being iced and electrotherapied.
Right: Waiting for my x-ray yesterday. I was really annoyed because I never found
out what the #1 weight-loss secret was. The page was missing.

• Just when I got to the hospital yesterday, everyone was evacuated from the hospital because the fire alarm went off.  I had to wait ten minutes before they let us back in.  It was just a false alarm.  On the plus side, I got to see firemen.  I love men in uniform. And there were lots.  Men in uniform, men with accents, men with tattoos, bald men. Love them all!
• Today was a super busy day.  I had an almost 3 hour meeting this morning via telephone.  After that, I showered and dressed, ate lunch, then headed out to do a grocery shop before heading to physio.  And I did it all by myself!  The ankle held out surprisingly well.  I was happy to be able to wear both of my motorcycle boots today.
• Today at physio, Graham had to re-asses me for the ankle.  He spent a lot of time twisting and turning it.  I was surprised to learn that the break happened further up my leg than I thought.  I thought I broke it where it was swollen, but that's actually where I sprained it.  He grossed me out because he felt up my leg and pressed in where the bone was weak.  It didn't really hurt, but it felt weird and yucky.  
• So we're aiming for 6 weeks of physio before I can start running again.  That brings me to the week of November 18th.  Plenty of time for me to train for the Chilly Half Marathon the first weekend in March 2014.  Three weeks later will be the Around the Bay 30K.  I CANNOT WAIT.
• I've been feeling really flabby these past five weeks.  If I didn't break my ankle, I would have clocked 250K in September.  My body would look and feel so different than it does right now.  Breaking my ankle has really done a number on my self esteem.  

I always used to photograph myself looking up because I thought it made
my face look thinner.

• I was chatting with  my on-line friend Shawn this week and we got onto the topic of how I look and feel about myself.  Shawn got me to thinking about how I'm always so quick to point out my flaws but I never say nice things about myself.  The emotional issues that go along with losing a substantial amount of weight do not end at maintenance.  I have to admit that I was not prepared for the amount of healing and self acceptance that goes along with a significant weight loss.  I lost 132 pounds in about 15 months (121 of that was lost in 14 months following Dr. Poon's diet).  I know that during times in my adulthood , I weighed over 300 pounds.  That  has been recorded at my GP's office three times.  I'm sure there were times when my weight went higher than the 310 pounds that was recorded. I can see that just by looking at old pictures.
• I always thought that if I could just lose weight, everything would be better in my life. Don't get me wrong. I have a great life.  I'm healthy, I'm in the best shape I've ever been and I wear a size 8 (never in a million years did I think I'd wear size 8).  But it's not as simple as you lose the weight and you are healed.  Your mind continues to struggle with the new body you  have and the way you view yourself. People tell me I am beautiful all the time.  It's lovely to hear, but it can also make me uncomfortable. When I picture myself in my head, I see the person on the left.  I lived with her the majority of my life. When I see the person on the right in the mirror, or reflected in a window, she's still a stranger to me. I still need to get to know her better and I need to be kinder to her.  She's worked hard to get to where she is today and I need to cut her some slack.
• It's been a while since I posted anything I love about myself, so here it goes.  In number form because I have to come up with 10 things.  All physical attributes.

1. I love my hair.  It's the longest it's ever been in my whole life. Who knew that at 43 I could pull off long hair?
2. I love that I'm 43 and look younger.  In the picture above, I'm make-up free (except mascara).  I also have very little gray hair. Just a few strands here and there. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!
3. I love my teeth.  They were straighter when I was younger (I never wore braces), and they have started to shift a little.  I don't mind though.  I think it adds character and perfection is over rated.
4. I love my shoulders.  The boniness of them freaked me out at first, but I think they look quite elegant.
5. I love my collar bones...for the same reason I like my shoulders.
6. I love that I'm 5'7".  Just because I like being tall.
7. I love that my thighs don't rub together.  If you had to live with that your whole life, you'd understand. 
8. I love my face dimples (minus the divot).  They didn't really show up until I lost weight.
9. I love that even after losing all the weight I did, my abdomen is in pretty good shape.  You can see my belly pictures here.  I need to update, but won't be doing that until I start running again. 
10. It's hard to come up with ten things...I'll have to say that I love how I feel.  I've never felt better in my life and the fact that I can run for three hours straight still amazes me.  I'm curious to see what my resting heart rate is now that I've been sedentary for 5 weeks.

• That was not easy to do, but it was definitely therapeutic.  Over the past five weeks, I have not felt good about myself.  I think that I have been a bit depressed because I was pretty much home bound. Now that the cast is off, I feel like I'm reborn.  Sounds cheesy, but true.  I'm half way back to running and running is very therapeutic for me. It gives me confidence.  I think I look better when I run, I don't worry about eating when I run, I feel stronger when I run.  And how is it that I can run for three hours alone and not be bored, but stick me in a gym for 20 minutes, and I'm dying to leave.  It's because I enjoy the alone time.  Gives me the opportunity to work out all my problems and I actually come up with solutions!
• It's after midnight and I have a telephone meeting in the morning.  Regardless of where you are in your weight loss journey, or even if you aren't on one, I want you to write out 10 things you love about yourself. You'll feel better once you're done. I did!

The post about men, lots of men, beautiful men

The two main men in my life.  Julien is going to be 6 on Friday!
Aren't they beautiful?

• Yesterday I drank too much wine.  I went to my girlfriend Elin's house for our weekly wine date and I was feeling pretty buzzed by the time I left.  I drank way more than the 120 oz of water I recorded in my food journal for yesterday.  I drank at least 60 oz more just before bed.  Won't be drinking red wine again for a while. At least not until next Sunday.
• I had my other girlfriend Linda come over for a visit with her little guy yesterday morning.  The boys played together and we had a nice visit over coffee.  We're always discussing some weird and wonderful way that we can become self employed and travel the country.  We'd purchase a tour bus...two actually.  One for us and one for the kids.  The kids would travel with their tutors.  And I thought it would be a good idea if Linda and I got to travel with the Tudors.  She can have Jonathan Rhys Meyers and I'll take Henry Cavill.  Linda won't agree to this arrangement.  She would want Henry Cavill from the final season of the Tudors.  That's the only way she liked him.  Scruffy and with a beard.  I like him any way I can get him.  Jonathan Rhys Meyers is really just along for the ride. And we didn't actually discuss why we had to travel the country in a tour bus.  But that is inconsequential. We get to drive around North America with a couple of hot men.  
• Can you tell that I'm super bored?  I'm discussing a fantasy life of traveling the country in a tour bus...like that would ever happen.  
• During the week I'm alone a lot.  Today I spent a good part of the morning styling my hair and taking selfies because my hair turned out good.  You get treated to a couple self portraits so I can show you how great my bangs turned out.  I really have nothing else going on.
• I forgot to mention that when I got my bangs trimmed last week, the hair dresser commented on how beautiful and healthy my hair is.  I said it to her and I'll say it to you, it has to do with my diet. Just over a year ago it was dry and brittle (but oily at the same time because I have to wash it every day...if that makes sense) and was breaking when I brushed it.  Now it's thicker and soft and it doesn't get knotty.  I believe it has to do 100% with what I eat.  I also don't have split ends and my hair hasn't been cut since the end of January 2013.

The secret is in the paddle brush as per Kristjan Hayden!

• So I've read in a few weight-loss forums, people discrediting the Paleo diet saying that it is not a sustainable diet.  Apparently, if I limit myself too much and don't learn moderation, I am going to go off the deep end and eventually eat everything in sight. I'm guessing these remarks are being made by people who are not binge eaters and/or have not had a serious weight issue.  I have said this before and I'll say it again, I cannot eat anything in moderation.  Well maybe veggies and meat, but even fruit and nuts are a struggle for me.  Binging is still something I battle with every single day.  If I were to give into my desire to eat bread, pasta, chocolate, cakes and cookies, you better believe I will not stop at one serving.  I won't stop until I'm right back to where I started.  Not worth it to me.  So I'll just keep plugging along with my too restrictive and non-sustainable lifestyle that I've been maintaining since last December.
• I actually felt less bloated today and less flabby than I have in a while. Not sure why. Nothing's really different except I've been drinking water like a champ.  I'm already at 100 oz for today and it's not even dinner time yet.
• My pee is still red and has been since I bought the 10 pound bag of beets.  I just need one serving of beets to change the color of my pee.  I must be very beet sensitive because Linda eats way more beets than I do and her pee is always normal. Just another thing that I can't do right.
• I got an email from the Running Room last week.  They're looking for a half marathon clinic instructor.  That hurt because that was the clinic I was going to teach this fall.  
• In retrospect, I've decided to give up Henry Cavill and let Linda have him. I'll take Stuart Reardon instead.  I pinned him over a month ago from Maren's Pinterest board and she did not know who he was.  Neither did I until I did a Google search on the picture yesterday afternoon.  He's beyond beautiful.  He's much too young for me, but so is Henry Cavill. Stuart Reardon is a rugby player and an underwear model.  I'm now following him on Instagram and Twitter (until he blocks me for stalking him).  He dabbles in Paleo but is not a committed Paleoist (therefore he's not Paleo).  I am convinced that he only needs to take one look at me and he will dump his hot girlfriend with the perfect body and take me instead.  I'm an awesome catch with my bat wings, flabby skin and stretch marks. What man wouldn't want me? Did I mention how beautiful my hair is?  He's LGBT positive which is a definite plus in my books because I love a lot of people who are gay and lesbian.  He's British too which just builds on my fantasy life of Regency Romance. I can totally see him as one of the heros in one of the trashy novels I read.  He would look even hotter wearing Regency clothing. Especially the Hessian boots.

Sigh.  He's a bit too perfect.  And I do love the tattoo!
And we are almost like kindred spirits.  He's in a cast as well
for surgery he had on his Achilles tendon.

• Tomorrow is (potentially) the big day!  If all goes well I will be walking out of the fracture clinic with no moon boot and no crutches.  I'm bringing my right shoe with me in anticipation of this.  If I am told I must wear the cast longer, I will be using the extra shoe as a projectile.  I'm bringing my olive green slip-ons.  They stink without socks and I'm bringing them on purpose, just in case I do have to throw the shoe. 
• I have to reapply the flea remedy to Baby.  It went over so well the first time, I can't wait.  Hubby will have to hold her down.  She's got the fleas so bad that she took a tuft of fur off her back.  Smitty? She's flea clean and wouldn't care if I put flea remedy on her again.  Every single fall Baby gets fleas and gives them to Smitty.  Then Smitty gets cured and Baby needs a re-application.  I think that we should just send Baby packing.  I love everything about fall except the fleas.  And the clowns. Especially the crazy scary zombie kind of clowns.  Clowns have always scared me beyond reason. And I know clowns can show up in any season. Just thought it was worth mentioning.
• The jigsaw puzzle I'm working on right now is going to make me crazy.  I can work on it for hours and it won't even look like I put a dent into it.  I need to finish it by Friday because Julien's having some friends over for birthday cake.  I'll either need to be done, or put it away when it's not complete which will piss me off because I have spent way too much time toiling over it.  After this puzzle is done, no more jigsaw puzzles for a long, long time.
• I'm off to read my latest novel staring the Earl of Rycliff (who looks eerily like Stuart Reardon in my mind).  I am just so ready to be back into my tried and true work and exercise routine.  One more week and I'm back to working all day every day.  I cannot wait.  I have been off my regular work schedule since July 20th.  That is waaaaaaaaaay too long.  And I have awesome fall clothes and riding boots I need to wear.  My mind is mush.  The majority of this post, case and point!

My eats from the past two days.

The food.  I never photograph my breakfast.  That's it on the
bottom right.  Hard boiled eggs.  Boring but easy.