One year ago...

The first photo is of me and Jules on the first day of junior kindergarten last year.  I was about 289 pounds, and we were both a hot mess.  He from crying, me just because. The next two photos are of Jules and I this morning on his first day of senior kindergarten.  What a difference in both of us. He was being a brave, albeit nervous boy.  Although I acted like it wasn't a big deal, I still had some inner turmoil and got choked up when I was leaving him.  But he had a stellar day.  What a difference a year makes!  He was way more confident this time around, and so was I.

It was also my first day back at work.  Things are very strange around work right now and it feels awkward for me to be there.  There are some changes going on, and I guess I just haven't settled into my new team as of yet (I got moved to a different team on the same unit in June).  Since I've been off pretty much the whole summer, and so have others,  it's been hard to establish some comfort in my new digs.  I'm sure fall (my favorite season) will see me settling in and appreciating my new team mates.  On a happy note, I haven't seen many of my co-workers for a couple of months and I got lots of very positive and supportive compliments today.  That never gets old:)

Since utility turkeys were on sale this week, I bought an 11 pound turkey and roasted it yesterday. Guess what I'm eating all week?  No matter, I love turkey and can't wait until I pick it clean on Thursday and make some yummy turkey soup.  What a bargain!  Lunch and dinner for a few days, then home made turkey soup for the weekend.  LOVE it!

Something that sort of urks me is when people say that eating healthy is too expensive.  I know for a fact that I spend way less on groceries and food in general because I no longer go to the corner store to buy junk and don't frequent the drive thru's anymore.  When I shop, I check out the fliers and buy what ever is on sale that week.  I don't buy organic, because I really can't afford it, but whatever meats and veggies are on sale, is what I eat that week.  There's no guess work or huge plan I have to implement, I simply make my menu for the week with what is cheap!  And I price match (so worth the little bit of work it takes)!

Food is just fuel for my body so that I can run!  If I happen to eat the same things a few times in the same week, I really don't care.  I never thought I would feel this way about food.  It used to control my life and I planned my days around what and where I was going to eat.  Right now, at this moment, I can honestly say I feel like I can control food...just so long as we don't get into snacky stuff.  That I fear will always be my downfall.  That is why it's easier for me to cut snacks out of my life completely.

The W.I.D.T.H. I sent to
Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit

Compression comparison

The month of August was a great month as far as exercise went.  Check out my calendar.  I only went two days without doing any physical activity.  And maybe the 28th doesn't count as a no physical activity day.  I disassembled my camp sight, packed up, came home, unpacked again...you get the idea.  I tried to get some form of physical activity in every day...even if it was a really short run, or walking the dog.  Don't fret, on days that I couldn't walk him, Finn was walked by my husband.

Eating this month has been good, but my water intake, not as much as I drink when I am working. Being on vacation has made me very lax in the liquids department.  That and I'm anxious about a couple of things going on in my life right now and I'm not eating as regularly as I should.  From past experience, when I have not eaten proper meals, my weight-loss slows right down.  I don't feel any different, and since I'm not weighing until next weekend (unless I set up a clinic appointment this week), we'll just have to wait and see.  I always say that though, and usually end up losing in the end.  Something I noticed about this diet is that when I used to weigh myself VERY regularly, I could stay the same weight for weeks, then suddenly drop 8 pounds in a week.  It's happened a few times.  That is why I don't weigh myself regularly anymore.  As long as I know I'm on plan, I know everything will work out in the end.

I'm a really visual person and I know that I am also my worst critic.  I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see someone who has lost 100+ pounds.  I see all my problem areas and things that I still need to improve on.  I compared a picture from April to one taken last month and I have to admit that yes, I can definitely see the difference.  There is about a 40 pound difference.

                         

The photo on the left was taken April 11th, the photo on the right was taken August 19th.  Back in April, I had only been running for about a month and my weight-loss was slowing down.  I started to run and it kick started everything again.  I thought I looked decent in my compression wear in April, not so much right now.  I also think I look pretty good in my compression wear in August.  I can't wait until December to see if I still feel the same.

I've gotten several Facebook friend requests from followers and others who read my blog via support groups on Facebook.  I'm flattered that people want to "friend" me.  I must respectfully decline any Facebook friend requests that I get.  I feel bad about this, but my Facebook profile is something that I need to keep private out of respect for my extended family.  I've also mentioned that I was adopted and I need to respect my birth family's privacy as well.  I hope everyone understands that I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful, and I sincerely hope I haven't offended anyone.  I just need to have one area in my life where I can maintain some sort of privacy for those that are closest to me.  Peace, love and unity:)

Dream on

Spiderman...the captor of my heart.

One of the most asked questions I get from people who have been in my life a long time is...why now?  I've touched on this before and as I approach the one year anniversary of my "lifestyle" change (September 17th), I'm thinking a lot about a dream I used to have quite frequently.  Last summer I would vividly dream about being healthy and in shape.  Although I haven't reached goal yet, I'm having moments of deja vu.  I realize now that the deja vu I'm experiencing is my old dream.

In my dream, I could feel my hip bones and bones all over my body in general.  Much like I do now. But the dream was so realistic that I would wake up thinking for sure it wasn't a dream and I just woke up in a "fit" body.  If only!  Since life doesn't work that way, I knew that I would have to do something to get to my "healthy place" because since I had a taste of it, I craved it and wanted to feel the real thing.

What is different now is that I just knew it was time.  I knew I had to get control of my life once and for all.  The dream (paired with the trip to Virginia) was, in a sense, my catalyst and I just knew that I had to act on it.  I had made the effort to quit smoking (after 15 years) in 2000 to be a healthier person, but I continued to kill myself with food.  Once my son was born, I looked into gastric bypass surgery, and almost went that route, but in one last ditch effort to not do something I thought was my last resort (the surgery), I got the referral to Dr. Poon's clinic from my family doctor, and the rest is history.

So many times I hear people say that they would do anything for their children, that they would die for their children.  I had to get healthy for my son so I could live for him.  Last summer I could do nothing with him due to my size and lack of energy.  I would just lie around claiming I was too tired to play, or leave the house.  This has been the best summer I have ever had.  I did so much with my family and we had so much fun and made tons of memories.  I'm relieved my son can't remember last summer when all I said was "no" to his requests to do something with me.  Makes me sad to think that I let him down.

So in answer to the very legitimate question of "why now"...because I really will do anything for my son and because I want to be part of his life, not just in it.  I thought (and everyone else assumed) I loved food most in my life because I was 130 pounds overweight.  But this past year has taught me that I actually love my family much more than I could ever love any food.  And I have learned to love myself more.  Much more than I ever thought possible.  I can't picture myself lying on the couch eating a bag of Lay's chips ever again.  The thought makes me very anxious and uneasy.

After I admitted to eating 4 cups of popcorn last week instead of the allowed 2 cups, some friends and family asked me what the big deal was.  The big deal is that I ate the popcorn because it was there.  I ate it because I could.  I was reverting back into "bingy" behaviour, and for me it is just so not worth it.  That's exactly the kind of behaviour that got me to almost 300 pounds.  That is why it is such a big deal and why I have to make the concerted effort not to repeat it.  Brings me back to a place I don't ever want to be again.  Not in control of myself or my eating.  I have way to much to live for.  What about you?

Makes my heart swell to see him so happy.

Happy, healthy parents ensure a happy, healthy child.

Storybook Gardens, London Ontario
August 30th, 2012

Storybook Gardens, London Ontario
August 30th, 2012