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| My eats from the past two days. No need to photograph carrot sticks and sunflower seeds. They are as boring as they sound. |
I tried to warn you, yet here you are reading anyway. I have been feeling really out of sorts lately. I feel lazy, out of shape, sloth like. There are only so many floor exercises I can do, and I feel like I'm not really doing anything. Graham (physiotherapist) gave me exercises to do on the ball, but since I can't use my broken leg for leverage, those exercises are not working out for me. I can still do whatever I do on the floor, but those focus purely on my abs, lower back, hamstrings and glutes. Still better than nothing. I'm doing some improvised bicep and tricep exercises, but I'm not sure if they are effective or not. I cannot wait to get out of this cast. I feel like I have lost my identity.
I know that running shouldn't define who I am, but it really does. It was such a big part of my life. With it gone right now, I am feeling incredibly restless and genuinely lost. Who am I if I'm not a runner? I know I will run again, but my days are passing s-l-o-w-l-y. Right now it feels like the day I run again will never get here. Running was not only great for my daily exercise, it was also my therapy. My mind is racing a mile a minute and the problems that I could have worked through during my runs, are swimming in my head. Not being able to run right now is detrimental to my physical health as well as my mental health.
I went to visit the Running Room today. Even though they were trying to cheer me up and sound nonchalant about how Run Club (free runs @ the Running Room every Wednesday and Sunday) was going in this glorious weather, Ben and Ron (manager and assistant manager) could see that I was feeling down. I contemplated showing up around the time that Run Club happens, but I decided that I didn't want to see that many runners at once. Too hard!!!!! Maybe I shouldn't have gone by at all. Man am I ever a whiner! There are much worse things to have to deal with in life than not being able to run for a couple of months.
Having so much time on my hands makes thoughts of food wander into my mind on a regular basis. It's not easy restricting my diet so much right now. If I had busy days, I wouldn't be thinking about eating all the time. Although I am still eating on plan, I dream about nuts and fruit and sweet potatoes. I'm not thinking about things I have cut out of my diet (ie: processed carbs and refined sugar), but I do think of things I'm avoiding right now. I'm not in my eating comfort zone. I'm most confident with my eating when I'm running 50K a week and I don't have to think beyond anything except following Paleo.
Today was a bit busier of a day for me. I was up and on the computer early for work. I got conferenced in via telephone for team meeting, so that took up my morning. I ate a very quick (and not a great) lunch. Carrot sticks and sunflower seeds two days in a row? Due to pure laziness. Not satisfying, but I made my bed. I went to physio this afternoon where they ultra-sounded my broken ankle. Helps with bone repair. Then I went by the Running Room and hung out there for 20 minutes. Then it was back home for after school and dinner routines.
I had a hard time going back to work when Julien was a baby, and I would have preferred to have stayed home with him until he started school. But since I made more money and had better benefits, it only made sense for my hubby to be the stay-at-home parent. Being home all day while Julien is at school, I know that I would not be cut out to be a stay-at-home parent. I like to be here when he's home, but I cannot wait to get back to work full-time again. Working at home keeps me occupied for part of the day, but I can't be in front of the computer for longer than a few hours at a time. It makes my eyes go wonky.
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| Can you see the missing piece? |
I do not watch television. I just finished my third jigsaw puzzle, which was missing one piece. Pissed me off. That's what you get when you buy puzzles from Value Village. I'm not sure if I want to start a new one right now. I'm reading a lot, but even that has lost it's luster. I wish I was a knitter or could do crochet. I saw a beautiful sweater shawl on Pinterest I want. It was hand made. I have no one to teach me. Man I sound pathetic. And to add insult to injury, I now have a divot in my cheek where I fractured it, and I think it's going to be permanent. It doesn't hurt anymore, so I think it's about as healed as it's going to get. My face is no longer symmetrical. Lovely! I've taken the liberty of photographing the divot for your viewing pleasure. It's hard to see in pictures, so I edited it and added a lot of detail. It's much more noticeable that way. Even though it may be hard to notice in pictures, it's quite noticeable in real life. That is just so awesome!
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| Photo on left shows lovely cheek divot. Photo on the right is just to make me feel better (and it's filtered) because photo on the left is extremely detailed and I look freaky. |
I'm going to bed now. I'm feeling grumpy and sleepy. I wish I was more happy, or even dopey. I'm sometimes bashful and don't like to be sneezy. I'm definitely not cut out to be doc. I think I have whined and complained enough in this post. But still I go on. Tomorrow morning is my bi-weekly weigh-in. I'm feeling fat and bloated and lazy and unfit (imagine if those were some of the names of the Seven Dwarfs). I won't blog again till Friday, and I'm sure you will all be waiting with bated breath for my weigh-in results. Please don't. Breathing is conducive to living. My weigh-in is not worth expiring over. I promise not to be such a negative Nelly in my next post. And I sincerely apologize if you are reading this and your name is Nelly. I am sure you are not negative.
