Monday, November 21, 2011

Surgery? Not the weigh to go

December 12th is a date swimming in my mind.  That is my appointment date for my orientation for gastric bypass surgery at St. Joseph's Hospital in Hamilton.  The quagmire (which ironically means dilemma as well as anything soft or flabby) I'm having is...should I go or not?  Before I came across the this was the only option I believed I had.   I've already done all the weight-loss drugs (all of them except for Xenical are off the market now), weight watchers (good program, but I always fall of the wagon too quickly), and don't even get me started on Dr. Bernstein!

I actually went in for a consultation for gastric bypass just after my son was born (4 years ago), and got approved for the surgery.  But then the doctor (Dr. Joffe) lost his license due to sexual abuse against four of his patients.  Made sense to me in hindsight why during our consultation his nurse (who looked like a WW II general) sat silent in the room with us.  I wasn't sure of her purpose at the time, but now realize that he was being investigated for the sex scandal.  Long story short, when my time to receive the surgery came, Dr. Joffe had fled the country and was practicing bariatric surgery in Mexico.  I lost my place in line.

This is a sign right?  I absolutely should not go.  I remember Dr. Joffe insisting that gastric bypass was the only solution that would cure me of my obesity.  My conscience tells me not to listen to him,  he's a sex offender for pete's sake!  Now that I have learned so much about carbs and sugar and how it affects my body, I feel like I have another option.  I can stick to my current diet, lose weight in a much healthier way with none of the risks that surgery brings, and have the bragging rights that I did it myself.  Not that I'm putting down bariatric surgery.  I'm sure it is right for some people.  I thought it was going to be my answer.

The last nine weeks has not only brought me 30+ pounds of weight-loss, but it also allowed me to reflect on my struggles throughout my lifetime with my health and weight.  I now know that I have to do this on my own (with Dr. Stephen's help) in order to feel like I did this right.  Anyone who has had to lose 5, 10 or 100+ pounds knows what an emotionally frustrating, astronomical human feat losing weight is.  I feel like I must endure the pain, disappointment, crying, pity and yes, even envy (of all those thin), to get the full experience of my weight-loss journey.  I have been through this all before (many, many times) and perhaps I am a bit of a sadomasochist (without the sexual gratification).  But you get my drift, I'm tired of trying to look for the easy solution.

People who aren't overweight think it's as simple as cutting down on food and exercising, but for those of us who struggle with this everyday, it's not that cut and dry.  There's a whole emotional element that goes hand in hand with weight gain, body image etc.  If it was as easy as decreasing food intake and taking a mambo class, the entire world would be in shape.  Bottom line is that there is no quick fix.  I'm going to have to blubber my way through another weight-loss episode.  Only difference is that this time, it's gonna stick.  Oh, and I have also decided that I won't be going to the gastric bypass appointment on the 12th.  By that time, my BMI (body mass index) shouldn't even qualify me anymore:)