Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Which path will you choose?

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever!  It's been five days to be exact.  This is the longest gap between blogs I've had in a very long time, if not ever.  Life just happened this weekend which prevented me from blogging.  That and I'm reading some prime smut that I can't seem to tear myself away from at night.  So I'll keep this as precise and to the point as I can.  Gideon and Eva are waiting for me.

My hubby's aunt spent the weekend with us.  We had a good time and it was nice to spend time with her.  Saturday began with my usual laid back (Saturday only!) morning.  I procrastinate until about 9:30 every Saturday, then I haul my ass out to do my long run.  This Saturday past I was faced with a dilemma.  I ran so far up the trail from my house that I discovered this.

Where to go from here?
This fork in the path was right at the 6k mark, so I didn't have to decide on Saturday which way to take.  I just turned around and ran back home.  But the fork was a bit cathartic because it made me think of making choices in my life in regards to food and exercise.  Which path will I take?   There are only two possibilities.  The path that will lead me to good health and a long life, or the path that will lead me back to where I started.

My family came over for Sunday dinner this weekend past, and I mentioned that Dr. Stephen suggested I go on maintenance now.  My father agreed saying that I looked good and didn't need to lose anymore weight (but I knew he'd say that).  My father asked if that meant I could eat anything I wanted.  I chuckled and said, "only if I want to get fat again".  He's going to be 82 in a couple of weeks and comes from the "old school" of nutrition.  Lots of meat and potatoes!  He was a bit disappointed to hear that I couldn't have the things that I used to enjoy.  Like potatoes, pasta, bread and sweets.  My father will never understand the obese.  He's eaten what ever he wants his entire life and never gained an ounce.  Yes, he's one of them!

I told my dad that I'd have to eat the way I do now for the rest of my life.  This is just the way it has to be and I'm okay with that.  We're talking about food here, not me having to lose a limb or something.  Basically all I eat now are whole foods.  Just in case it's not obvious, I only eat things that have a single ingredient.  Chicken, beef, pork, fresh vegetables, fresh fruit, raw almonds...you get the idea.  I rarely eat anything that has ingredients (except on weigh-in days when I eat a couple of the fake pecan chocolates from the nutrition store and cinnamon almonds).  I make things from whole foods (ie: curried chicken, ratatouille, spaghetti squash with bolognese).  And since I make my meals from scratch, I know exactly what's in them.  I cannot be lax or lazy in my new lifestyle because that will get me back to where I started and I made a promise to myself to never go there again.  I'm worth more than that, and I could never do that to my son.

It's hard work to change your entire lifestyle.  I went from being around 300 pounds and sedentary, to 172 and a runner.  I also went through most of my life in denial about my weight, and those around me were in denial about it too.  I know that a friend or loved one won't necessarily come right out and say what they should about weight issues, but it was the no nonsense demeanor of Dr. Stephen that probably helped me the most in my weight-loss efforts.  He never sugar coated anything and told it like it was.  I appreciated that, and once I started the diet, I made promises to myself.

I promised myself that I'd never cancel an appointment because I had a bad two weeks (and possibly a gain).   I promised myself that I'd stick to the diet as closely as possible.  I promised myself I'd listen to everything that Dr. Stephen told me and learn from his expertise.  I promised myself that once I began to run I'd never miss a clinic or a practice run unless I was deathly ill (it only happened once due to vomiting).  And I promised myself that once I reached goal, I'd never go back to 300 pounds again.  I kept all of those promises to myself with the exception of keeping the weight off.  It's too early to call that since maintenance is still a month away.  I'm hoping my maintenance promise will be as successful as all the others I've made and kept.

I keep a before picture of myself on my smartphone. Every time I feel like straying, I pull it out and reconfirm to myself that whatever I want to eat that's off my plan is not worth it.  I've worked hard to get to where I am today.  But it was just over a year ago when I had 130 pounds to lose.  At the very beginning it felt like it was just too much to lose and that I'd never get here.  Today I weigh 117 pounds less and I'm almost at goal, or maybe I already am.  The next month will tell me where my weight is meant to be.  I chose the right path 14 months ago.  I need to stay on that path from here on in.  Straying just isn't an option. What path will you chose?

Almost 300 pounds.
What is up with my  hair?