|My favorite picture of my mom and I.|
- Today marks the 11th anniversary of my mother's death. This is a hard week for me in general. She would have celebrated her 83rd birthday this past Sunday. While celebrating her birthday 11 years ago, I was extremely thankful that we got to see her to her 73rd year but had a heavy heart because I knew I was going to lose her for good at any moment. And even though we knew that her death was imminent and I thought I had prepared myself for that moment, nothing can really prepare you for having to say goodbye to a loved one for a final time.
- In the photo above I weighed 285 pounds. A bride always knows what she weighed on her wedding day. It's my favorite photo of us. It was my mother's special day. She planned my entire wedding and made my dress. She even chose the design of my dress. I gave her full creative licence over the wedding plans. It was important for me to give her that day. She was in the final stages of cancer and her happiness seemed much more important to me than stressing over minor wedding details. I'm glad I gave her that day because I lost her a short time later.
- My mother has never known me at a normal weight. Except for when I was a child (to the age of 7 or 8). My health issues were always a major concern for her. Although my son inspires me to keep the health and fitness part of my life up, I also think of my mother and how proud she would be of me right now. That is a huge motivator for me to continue living the lifestyle I do. I'd not want to let her down either.
- Eleven years seems like a long time. And it is. Although the pain from her loss isn't as pronounced as it was, I still think of her everyday. I can still get an uncontrollable wave of sadness come over me and it feels like I just lost her all over again. I had that feeling yesterday and ended up doing a rare evening run. I ran out of the gym. I completed an 8K run on the Rail Trail, then went into the gym and did an hour workout. It calmed me and the time I spent on the trail alone, I got lost in memories of her and my childhood.
- Today I reflect on her life and the time I got to spend with her. I will run again tonight and spend that time remembering what a special part of my life she was. She always had the ability to calm me like no one else. Although I have a lot of love in my life, no one will ever love me like she did and I'm thankful to have experienced that kind of love in my lifetime.
|My mother's high school grad photo. Circa 1949|