I'm back in the Poon groove

Sunday's race day!  I'm super excited and just a tinge nervous.  I ran 5k again last night, so I know I can complete the race.  We even ran up and down a pretty steep hill, twice.  So I definitely have confidence that I will finish.  I'm just picturing myself placing last.  I'm not the fastest runner, and I just hope that walkers don't pass me.  But seriously, have you seen some of those speed walkers?  They're freakishly fast!  Tomorrow's our last run before the race and we're moving up to 8:1 intervals.  New intervals always make me nervous, but I know I'll do fine.  I just like to build myself up into a lather before trying something new.  It works out to be very anti-climactic in the end, so I don't know why I bother!

I just finished binging big time.  I wonder if you can call eating an entire head of iceberg lettuce a binge.  Since I'm allowed to eat it until I'm full, I guess I didn't do anything too wrong.  It's gotta be better than eating a bag of chips...which I'm not gonna lie, I really wanted to do instead.  But I chose the lettuce (mainly for the crunch), and I'll be better for it in the long run.  It was just one of those nights when I wanted to keep eating even after I finished my dinner.  Iceberg lettuce gone, crisis averted.

I had a moment of nostalgia today.  I was driving out to Peterborough to see a client and I had a few minutes to spare, so I stopped into Dr. Poon's new Pickering clinic.  It was really so I could buy some Chocolite bars, 'cos I was hankering for a sweet.  I saw Dr. Stephen in the parking lot heading out for lunch and I truly missed the man.  True we have not always seen eye to eye, but absolutely everything he's ever said to me has stayed with me.  I know that he was supporting me the best way he knew how.  And it's not until you're without something in your life that you really begin to miss it.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I went into the clinic and made an appointment for the next time I will be driving out to Peterborough.  I'm sooooooooooo excited to be back.  Not only is the clinic beautiful, but I always liked the regular visits with Dr. Stephen because it made everything official.  And I really want the certificate when I reach my goal. I've seen a picture of someone else's and it's a nice looking piece of paper!

I haven't been to the clinic since it was at the old location.  February 3rd was my last appointment with Dr. Stephen.  That was 19 pounds ago.  I have followed the diet on my own and been successful, but I miss the whole Dr. Poon vibe I get by going to the clinic.  Also, although I love Dr. Pitt, he knows very little about Dr. Poon's diet and I'm constantly explaining it to him.  I suggested he purchase the book!  I think it's better for me to be monitored by doctors who are knowledgeable about this diet.  I'm glad that I swung by and got an appointment for May 10th.  Unfortunately Dr. Stephen will be on vacation, but I'll get to see him in a month and I'm looking forward to it!

While I was in the clinic store purchasing my Chocolite bars, a lovely young woman said my name.  I look up and she says, "You're from Facebook.  I read your blog".  She went on to tell me that she enjoyed my blog and thought I had a lot of guts to do it.  She also wished me well in my race on Sunday.  It was a huge shock to be recognized.  I was so humbled by her kind words, that in all my nervousness, I forgot to ask her what her name is.  If you read this post, please message me so I can also acknowledge who you are and thank you for completely making my day.  The support I get from everyone in my life, whether it be via the web world, or my real life, is not lost on me.  I appreciate each and every kind word, message, comment and only hope that I am supporting others in much the same way.  Thanks once again to all for reading!

Breaking up is hard to do

That looks nothing like Dr. Stephen or Jillian Michaels!
If only either one had such a prominent chin, or blue hair.

So, it's official.  Dr. Stephen and I have decided to part ways.  And not because of issues I have had with him in the past, but because the clinic I go to is closing.  It's the closest clinic for me, and the other 4 are waaaaaay out of my way.  So we are breaking up at the end of February on amicable terms.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.

On the one hand, he's made me angry more than once because I felt criticized and not supported a whole lot.  We did have a heart to heart today and he knows how he made me feel and I know that he was just trying to be supportive.  He called me a mystery because I loose the same amount of weight every visit and the amount of fat vs. water weight always fluctuates which confuses the hell out of him.  Even though I never change my eating habits or do anything different week to week.  I told him today and I told him before, I don't care if the 5 pounds I loose is fat or water.  It's five pounds lost!  Since starting the diet, I have not ever gained, which I think is testament to the fact that I have in fact, not cheated.

On the other hand, I like going in for "official" weigh-ins because it keeps me accountable.  So what to do?  Well we discussed and decided that I would see him 2 more times, then I would continue to be monitored monthly by my family physician Dr. Pitt.  I love Dr. Pitt.  He got excited if I lost a pound a month.  He's gonna wet himself when I visit him in March having lost 55+ pounds!  The only thing I'm not looking forward to is having the LONG wait.  Sometimes it takes over an hour to see him.

Well regardless, I feel good about being able to continue this diet on my own.  Dr. Stephen did build up my confidence today and told me that he knows I can do this on my own.  He was very sweet to me today.  And if I start to falter, I can go back to the clinic, I just have to drive farther.  When I go to the clinic every other week, I just get weighed, get yelled at for not bringing my urine (I always forget it on the back of my toilet-gross), get my blood pressure taken (which is normal by the way and I'm no longer taking meds), and sometimes get into heated discussions with Dr. Stephen about how I'm not cheating.  I think I can give that up:)

I've also broken up with Jillian Michaels.  This was a more abrupt and "I'll call you when I'm ready" kind of break-up.  I learned three things last night:

1. That Jillian Michaels is a sadist.
2. That I am the least flexible person I know.
3. That yoga should not be attempted by novices.

I still really want to learn yoga...properly.  I will take a "gentle" yoga class this spring when it's offered through my local Parks and Rec centre.  Gentle yoga is pre-beginner yoga.  The beginner yoga tape that Jillian Michaels put out is for the beginner with 5 years experience type of beginner.  I will use her tape, 5 years down the road.

So that's my update.  I lost another 5 pounds, joined the Running Room, and will be signing up for the Chocolate Race this weekend with my pal Enz.  I was texting my sister-in-law earlier today.  She's been a HUGE support to me and just wanted to wish me luck for my weigh-in.  She mentioned that she couldn't believe I joined the Running Room (and neither can I).  I told her about the marathon too and I said that I was either really motivated or really stupid.  I'm gonna stick with motivated:)

And after all, you're my Onederwall

I got a lot of feedback in regards to my post I did it my weigh.  I was overwhelmed by all the positive support.  I will talk to Dr. Stephen about how he makes me feel at my next appointment with him.  He really is a lovely man, and I know that he is trying to be supportive, but he needs to hear that I am doing the best that I can and I think I'm doing pretty damn well.  If he has quicker weight-loss aspirations for me, then we will have to agree to disagree.  I am not comfortable with losing more than 10 pounds per month.

Something I am still neglecting BIG time is my exercise regime.  And by neglecting, I mean I don't have one.  True, I take the stairs at work (always), and walk, even when it's uncalled for (ie: going with co-workers to get coffee so I can get the exercise and do the stairs), but I have no fixed fitness routine.  I need one.  The main reason why I don't exercise?  I hate it.  And by hate, I mean it is worse than having to give up all the food I love for the rest of my life!  Maybe that's a bit too harsh, but you get the gist, I don't like to exercise.  I hate the gym, hate team and individual sports...pretty much don't enjoy anything that is going to make me sweaty.

So I guess I am just plain lazy.  I agree 100%.  How do I work myself out of this funk?  Well, I do want the body of someone who does yoga.  But truth be told, I have looked into yoga classes, and until my weight goes down some more, I am not stepping foot into a beginner yoga class.  Oh the humiliation!  The closest I come to yoga right now is the yoga pants I wear on the weekend.

So what to do, what to do?  Well, a big moment for those of us over 200 pounds who are losing weight is getting to the all important milestone of Onederland.  For those of you who don't know what Onederland is, it's when your weight goes under 200 pounds.  In my ever ending quest to be different I have decided to call my Onederland the moment I hit my Onederwall (Wonderwall according to the Urban Dictionary means, an object of fascination), because I am now obsessed with reaching my goal weight.  Once I hit my Onederwall, I will enroll in beginner yoga.  


That's my promise to myself.  In the meantime, I will continue to climb the stairs and walk as much as I can.  Honestly that is way more exercise than what I did the last time I lost 100 pounds!   Happy Monday!  And here for your viewing pleasure is the total image of cuteness:)

My inspiration and wonderwall:)  The band aid is just because.
He loves wearing band aids, especially Transformers!
The scar on the other eyebrow? Split open by our old coffee table:(

I did it my weigh

I am officially 50 pounds lighter (from my start point in August 2011)!  I can't believe that I did this.  I have been a procrastinator my whole life, especially with my health.  I always knew I had to change my life style, but I did nothing to make my health better.  I have been down this road before.  About 13 years ago, I lost 100 pounds by doing the Dr. Bernstein diet.  I got three needles a week of vitamin B12 and basically starved myself to what was supposed to be a better me.  I was tired, sallow and didn't feel well.  You can probably guess what happened.  I gained everything back within a couple of years.  Not before I met my husband though.  He fell in love with the skinnier me.  By the time we were getting hitched, I had gained back all the weight.  He still married me and never told me that I needed to lose weight:)  He is the most wonderful man I know and I am thankful everyday that he is in my life.  He always made me feel beautiful, no matter what size I was.

So I'm a bit discouraged by going to the clinic I go to for my bi-weekly weigh-ins.  I have been losing on average, 5 pounds every other week, so that's 10 pounds per month.  Since I started this program on the 18th of September, I think the 38 pounds I lost on Dr. Poon is huge.  That's almost 40 pounds in 3 and a half months!  I don't believe I should lose more than 10 pounds per month.  Dr. Stephen has other ideas.  I lost 5 pounds over Christmas and he was looking through my food log critiquing every little thing I ate and commenting on the number of chicken thighs I ate at once (3).  This diet says I can eat protien until I am full.  If it takes three chicken thighs to fill me up, I'm allowed to eat three freaking chicken thighs!  He says I could be doing better and says that he wants me to be perfect.

Now I have been brought up to respect my elders and Dr. Stephen is an elderly man, but honestly, I lost my temper and told him that no one is perfect and that 10 pounds of weight-loss per month is fine thank-you very much!  I felt like he ever only has criticisms for me instead of saying, "great job keeping it together over Christmas".  This has not discouraged my weight-loss efforts, but it does make me not want to go back to the clinic. Dr. Stephen is a nice man but between the accusations of cheating and the pressuring me to lose weight faster, he's beginning to grate on me.  I guess I could see another doctor, but what if they're even more critical?

Phew, I needed to get that off my chest.  I feel better now and I know I will go back to the clinic in 2 more weeks.  It will keep me accountable and on track.  Some things are just meant to go in one ear and out the other and this is just one of those times!  I get tons of encouragement and kind words from everyone else around me, whether those others are physically in my life, or in my cyber space life.  The opinion of one doctor will not diminish my momentum.  Now lets all go and kick some major butt:) ARRRRRRGH!

Mamma's little baby loves short'nin bread

Thank God I have just put my last batch of banana bread in the oven.  I have made banana bread every night this week.  I am giving it wrapped in Christmas dishcloths as gifts.  I had a HUGE amount of frozen bananas in my freezer and had to use them up.  Obvious solution?  To torture myself and make banana bread.  The torture wasn't necessarily making something I couldn't eat, it was making it with my 4 year-old.  Now don't get me wrong, I love spending time with the boy, but there are some things he loves to do (help me in the kitchen) that really makes a ton more work for me.  Oh well, we only had one bad egg episode.  He insisted on cracking it "by myself", which resulted in lots of shell in the batter.  If I happen to give you banana bread wrapped in a Christmas dishcloth that is a bit crunchy, please just look the other way.  And remember that a 4 year-old made it for Pete's sake!

So I went to see Dr. Stephen this morning for my weigh-in and was not a happy camper.  According to the scale at the office, I am down another 4 pounds, of water only.  So I have once again been blamed for cheating.  If only!  I have not cheated and quite frankly should win some sort of food addict's Pulitzer Prize.  I have been on my best behaviour eating wise, taken the stairs more times than I can count, and have drank an ocean of water.  I sort of felt like laughing like a hysterical crazy person when Dr. Stephen accused me of cheating.  I WON'T cheat over the holidays, but sort of wish I did since I was being blamed for it anyway.  Who am I kidding?  I'm waaaaaay to chicken to cheat.  The last time I did a cheat (it was really a semi-cheat), I only had a couple of mouthfuls of rice.  I then spent the better part of the night on the toilet.  I know very graphic and gross, but now you know why I am really being so diligent.  Diarrhea scares the bejesus out of me!  One of my greatest fears is to be in a public toilet erupting like Mount Etna.  I can barely think of anything worse.  On a happier note, my blood pressure is absolutely NORMAL and I am not on any medication!

So I guess I should just count my blessings and be glad that I lost and didn't stay the same or gain.  And I am.  Many people who struggle with their weight struggle over the holidays.  This time of year was definitely my biggest eating fiesta.  When my mother was alive, she did tons of baking and cooking.  Don't even get me started on the traditional Polish Christmas Eve dinner she did.  Then we'd have a FULL turkey dinner the next day.  It was insane and I never could figure out how one woman did it all on her own.  She was incredible and I really miss her around the holidays.  Makes me feel like a flake because other than being with my extended family and my husband's extended family over the holidays, we don't have any traditions established for my son.  Maybe that's what we should focus on next year because he's getting older and can remember now.

Going back to my mom's Christmas baking for a moment...just to prove to you how incredibly sugar and carb addicted I am, I'm going to share with you something my mother never even knew.  She would bake Christmas cookies, put them in the freezer (we had the huge chest kind, the kind you could fit a human body into), and have them ready for when guests came a wassailing.  After she put them in the freezer, I would get batches of them out, keep them in my own private Tupperware in  my closet and eat them at my leisure.  She never noticed cookies were missing because she baked enough to feed a battalion.   I don't know how many I would eat over the holiday season and beyond, because really, those cookies lasted well into spring.  Every year my mom would go through the freezer in spring time, throw out the stragglers, and I would rescue them from the garbage and, you guessed it, eat them.

So now you know another private shame of mine.  Not only was I a taker of candy and alfalfa wafers from unsuspecting hamsters (Where oh where have the hamster treats gone?), but I also single-handedly ate all of my mother's Christmas baking.  The disgrace of this haunts me every Christmas.  Every time I walk by Christmas baking, I think I can hear a small voice laughing at me and saying "eat me".  I know I must not give in.  I have good will power now, but I know I just need one delectable sweet to touch my lips, and I won't be able to stop.  If that happens, you know where you can find me.  I'll be in the bathroom making lava.  Merry Christmas:)

This is me before I started the Christmas cookie scam.

I just realized how creepy that Santa looked.  

Maybe he wanted in on my cookie idea.

The tryptophan fandango

What to write, what to write.  Well, despite two more holiday celebrations (a Christmas dinner I prepared on the weekend, and a work holiday party tonight) I have stayed on track!  I have still not eaten anything I'm not supposed to.  At tonight's holiday dinner, I was only able to eat the turkey.  I had about 5 helpings and am feeling incredibly tired as I write this.  Damn you tryptophan!

At my weekend Christmas dinner, I managed to go a whole night without drinking any alcohol beverages and did not indulge in any of the Tiramisu Mousse I served for dessert.  THIS IS NOT EASY!  I'm finally going to come clean and admit that this limited eating thing sucks!  As much as I loathe depriving myself of whatever I want to eat, I hate being unhealthy more.  That is really what keeps me on the straight and narrow.

I have, by accident, taken myself off of my blood pressure medications.  By accident, I mean that my prescriptions ran out and I'm too busy to go back to my doctor to get them renewed.  However, Dr. Stephen took my blood pressure on Thursday and it is in high normal range.  Meaning, if I keep losing weight, it should get in the normal, normal range.  This is exciting to me.  I really did not want to be on the medication anymore.  So that continues to be a huge motivator to me as well.

Since people in my everyday life have begun to notice that I am losing weight and have been commenting to me about my weight-loss, I feel like I can't let them down by falling off the wagon EVER.  I have many people in my life that are cheering me on.  They treat me like I'm the resident expert on weight-loss.  When I think about it, I am an expert on weight-loss.  My entire adult life has involved me doing some sort of weight loss program at least once a year.  That's a lot of knowledge to collect over 20+ years. It's funny how until you are ready to face your demons, regardless of what you know you need to do, you just won't do it until you are ready.  I'm done wasting time and ready to live my life.  Now I must go and relieve myself from my turkey hang-over!  Goodnight:)