A change is gonna come

Maintenance is a scary thing.  I'm not there yet, but I have less than half way to go before I am.  If I'm going to be successful at this weight-loss thing and not just another statistic, I need to start planning.  From this moment on!  I'm a carbohydrate and sugar addict.  I will need to limit these things from my diet forever.  I'm not saying that carbs or sugar will never pass my lips again.  I need to be realistic and I would be lying if I vowed to never eat another carbie or sugary thing.  But I know my triggers better than anyone.  I know exactly what foods could set off binges.  Those are the foods I need to avoid forever.  I believe that I'm beginning to adopt lots of positive habits that I know I must carry on for the rest of my life.

I keep a food journal.  In my opinion, this is a good habit to develop.  I write in my food journal every evening.  I record what I ate throughout the day and post the times.  I also record the exercise I've done and the amount of water I drank.  I've been doing this since October 2011 (minus 3 weeks in February).  It's definitely a habit now and something just as important to me as brushing my teeth.  This is something I will continue to do for now and evermore.

Here is a page out of a very boring eating day.
I ate the same thing twice...but I had to eat out at  two different restaurants that day.
I don't record amounts for lean protein or leafy greens because I'm allowed to eat those things until I'm full.

I have developed an exercise plan.  Right now I'm a bit addicted to running.  While I'm in the middle of my run (which I started to do 4 times a week), I vow that I am going to quit and never run again.  Then as soon as it's over and I completed it, I'm totally pumped to do the next one.  Every week as I build endurance and distance, I become more and more confident that I'll complete this "Learn to Run" clinic intact and be able to run 5k.  I'm already planning to join the 5k clinic that starts in mid-May with  my running girls!  Between running and yoga I'm exercising 5 days a week.  That is a huge change for me.  I was the biggest couch potato ever and hated all forms of exercise.  Running is something I cannot let go of.  Now that I've found a sport I'm beginning to really like, it's best that I just stick with it.

I have had to make a lifestyle change.  This is not a diet.  I am developing eating habits and gaining knowledge that I will have to use throughout my life.  If I think for even a second that I can go back to eating the way I did prior to starting my lifestyle change, then I am wasting my time.  I might as well throw in the towel now and just eat what I want.  Losing weight is hard. Eating healthy takes planning and determination.  I need to plan my weekly meals on the weekend.  I think about what I'm going to prepare for lunches and dinners and make my list and shop.  I love that I can price match at my supermarket.  I've become a bit of a flyer junkie and save about $30 a week price matching.  This is especially useful for meat, since it's my main food source and it can be so expensive.

I read hundreds of blogs.  There are many folks out there that struggle and need lots support and confidence boosters.  Although I am happy to give a boost when required, if the behaviour continues for weeks and weeks and weight gain climbs, I tend to lose interest.  There's only so much that others can do for us.  We need to be able to help ourselves first.  I have not had a gain since I began the metabolic diet that I'm on.  That does not mean that I'm "cured" or immune to this.  What it means is that I'm currently focused and have found other things to replace food with (blogging, running and yoga).

I had a precarious time in February when I thought I might start full on cheating.  In three weeks I only lost a pound.  I was getting sloppy with my eating and I wasn't journaling.  I knew then that I needed to change things up and get back on track.  I was also thankful that my running clinic started soon.  I fear falling off the wagon just like the rest of you.  Thankfully I have not experienced this yet (this time around).  If that happens, I'm counting on you all to give me the kick in the ass I'll need to get back on track.  Nothing nice either, just the truth.

I have come to recognize that food is no longer the most important thing in my life.  Sounds pathetic, but I'm pretty sure it used to be.  I thought about food from the time I woke up, until I went to sleep again.  The only thing on my mind 24/7 now is my family.  I have a beautiful boy who is way more important to me than any enjoyment that I could get out of gorging myself on pizza or a chocolate cake.  I simply don't put myself in situations where I would normally want to eat.  Primetime was my biggest binging trigger.  I used to snack constantly while watching TV.  I have drastically limited my TV watching.  I have become addicted to reading trashy romance novels instead.  Laugh and judge all you want, but it keeps me out of the fridge.

I challenge you to think about your triggers.  Think about how you can modify certain behaviours to keep on track.  I guarantee that if you find something that can replace food in your life, it makes this journey a whole lot easier...for now.  Remember, these modified behaviours and your determination to execute them are going to make your weight-loss and maintenance programs successful.  You're worth it!

La famiglia day

Today was Family Day in Ontario.  A statutory holiday that encourages us to spend more time with family.  My hubby, son, dog and I took an hour and a half walk this afternoon.  It was a beautiful, sunny day and I really enjoyed getting out of the house with the boy (who can always use exercise), and the mutt (who needs regular exercise).  And of course me, who requires as much exercise as I can handle.

This is me and my dog, Finn.  We're watching Julien on the jungle gym.

 Although Jules walked part of the way and burned off some energy at the jungle gym, I got the biggest workout because I pulled his 55 pound body throughout downtown Hamilton in his red wagon.  When we were about a kilometer from home, Julien complained he was tired and didn't want to take a long walk any more.  Really?  It was me who pulled him all over the place!  Oh well, the important thing is that we were spending time together and doing something other than sitting in front of the TV.

My husband was looking at me today and asked how much weight I've lost.  I haven't weighed myself since I was weighed at the clinic more than two weeks ago.  I get weighed at my family doctor on Thursday afternoon, so I will report then.  So as far as I know, I'm still at 60 pounds lost.  He claims that I look like I have lost weight again...in my boobs!  My mother-in-law actually said the same thing to me back at Christmas.  Do I mind losing weight in my chest?  Nope.  When I was in high school, I was a B-cup.  I've never been terribly big chested.  Even being plus-sized, I was never bigger than a C.  Not even when I was pregnant and later when I was nursing.  And I'm definitely okay with that.  My husband may not agree, but I'm okay with losing as much weight as possible in my chest!

I have noticed changes in my body that excite me.  I can now comfortably wear my wedding band.  In fact, it is getting loose on me.  When I got married, I was 60 pounds bigger.  In an attempt to not have to admit that I needed a bigger ring size than the samples, I ordered my ring a couple of sizes too small.  I think it's a nine.  I wore it on my wedding day, then took it off and only started wearing it again since Christmas.  This is a big change because it easily slides on and off, and no longer cuts off my circulation.

A perfect fit:)

My collar bones are also sticking out quite prominently.  I haven't seen those for a good 11 years!  I also noticed that I have bony shoulders and I can feel my pelvic bones.  I can also feel the ribs under my breasts.  I still have a ways to go, but it is exciting to feel changes in my body.  I still have horrible areas that right now, I'm convinced, will never improve.  Those will likely always be my controversial areas that will never make me happy.  My upper arms and upper thighs, my abdomen.

I've read on a few blogs about people worrying about loose skin and thinking about surgery after they've finished losing weight.  I respect anyone's decision to do what they need to in order to feel better about themselves.  I've also thought about this and the jury's still out for me.  I don't think I could make that decision until I'm in that place and have reached my weight-loss goal.  That being said though, I loved my imperfect over weight body, so I may just love my imperfect health weight body too.  Only time will tell.

Acquiesce

Well, crisis no longer averted.  Crisis is head on!  I hate it when you have a constant sick feeling in your stomach.  That is how I feel right now.  Everything will work out in the end I'm sure, but not before a lot of fighting and turmoil.  It really and truly sucks when you can't eat or sleep properly...and you have to worry about someone you love being taken total advantage of.  Basically, I have had to agree to something I don't support at all just to keep the peace.  And someone is being VERY selfish and only thinking of himself.

On a much nicer note, I started getting off my butt and doing some actual exercise.  Thanks to Enz, I began to get out on the weekends which adds to my daily exercise of always taking the stairs.  Just to be clear, I take the stairs in every situation.  So even when I'm not in the office and say in a parking garage, I take the stairs.  Even if I have to visit a government building with a client and go to the 7th floor, I take the stairs.  Nine times out of ten my client doesn't join me, but that's okay.

I made a delicious pork tenderloin over the weekend with garlic roasted cauliflower and breaded and fried eggplant.  I'll post pictures and instruction in my next post.  Just wanted to let you all know that I am alive and well.  My heart just hurts.  My weigh-in is on Friday.  My second last one!  We'll see what the scale says. I have not eaten well at all (meaning very little) over the past week.  This isn't necessarily good because historically, the less I eat, the less I lose.  Things are not good when your metabolism slows down which is what happens when you don't eat enough.  Hope everyone is having a good week.  I have been reading blogs, just not commenting as much.  Sorry about that.  I really like to reciprocate the support.  I'll check in again after my weigh-in.

The running (wo)man

Yes folks, that will be me:)  This past Saturday I went to meet a blog friend, Enz from Downward TrENZ.  She was incredibly lovely and has been a HUGE inspiration to me.  She began running in July and completed the Couch to 5k running program.  She can run 5 freaking kilometers.  She is my hero. I know, I know, many of you can also run 5k and are probably wondering what is the big deal.  You are all my heroes!

I have not made it a secret how much I hate exercise.  If I had to choose an exercise though, running has always appealed to me.  I picture myself running with the wind blowing through my hair and being so great at it, that I'm barely breaking a sweat. OK seriously, I know I am going to DIE while I learn to run through the Running Room clinic that I am trying to talk myself into registering for RIGHT NOW.  Registering for it RIGHT NOW means I can't back out.  We'll I can, but it would cost me almost $80 to back out.  I'm very cheap.  Once I pay the fee, I have to go...even if it kills me!

I know I need to exercise.  I even ventured out on the weekend and bought a Jillian Michaels yoga DVD.

All I can say is I  better lose "up to 5 pounds a week"  or I want my $8 back Walmart!  She has a pretty kick-ass bod that I wouldn't mind having.  I'll keep dreaming because I know deep down that I will never become so committed, that I will end up with a stomach that looks like that!  I'm going to start with the dvd, and Enz has graciously offered to go to yoga classes with me at our local community centre starting in the spring.  Yoga is flipping expensive.  The ones offered through Hamilton Parks and Recreation are a third of what they cost at a Yoga studio.

So I'm very excited but nervous at the same time.  People learn to run all the time, so why should I be any different?  I'll tell you why, because I am accident prone.  Ask any of my girlfriends whom I have vacationed with and they will tell you that I am the queen of un-coordination and it's not related to the drink.  Well, truth be told, I haven't fallen in a long time because I have learned to balance better.  However, that's for walking!  What if running means I have to reteach myself the balance thing?

I haven't run since I was forced to run the track in high school.  It was painful and humiliating.  The gym teacher should have done a learn to run clinic with us instead of just telling us to get at it.  I, being the biggest, was always last.  Not one of my finest moments.  I was more jealous of athletic people in high school than I was of the popular kids.  Even then I knew that if I could just be more athletic, I would be normal size.  I skipped 3/4 of my grade 11 gym classes...and got away with it!  I was a supreme liar when it benefited me.  Ended up doing some bogus assignment on nutrition and got a passing grade.

While I'm writing this, I'm emailing Enz.  She has confirmed that she is indeed going join me in the Running Room clinic.  So I seriously gotta run:) I have a registration I gotta take care of!

And after all, you're my Onederwall

I got a lot of feedback in regards to my post I did it my weigh.  I was overwhelmed by all the positive support.  I will talk to Dr. Stephen about how he makes me feel at my next appointment with him.  He really is a lovely man, and I know that he is trying to be supportive, but he needs to hear that I am doing the best that I can and I think I'm doing pretty damn well.  If he has quicker weight-loss aspirations for me, then we will have to agree to disagree.  I am not comfortable with losing more than 10 pounds per month.

Something I am still neglecting BIG time is my exercise regime.  And by neglecting, I mean I don't have one.  True, I take the stairs at work (always), and walk, even when it's uncalled for (ie: going with co-workers to get coffee so I can get the exercise and do the stairs), but I have no fixed fitness routine.  I need one.  The main reason why I don't exercise?  I hate it.  And by hate, I mean it is worse than having to give up all the food I love for the rest of my life!  Maybe that's a bit too harsh, but you get the gist, I don't like to exercise.  I hate the gym, hate team and individual sports...pretty much don't enjoy anything that is going to make me sweaty.

So I guess I am just plain lazy.  I agree 100%.  How do I work myself out of this funk?  Well, I do want the body of someone who does yoga.  But truth be told, I have looked into yoga classes, and until my weight goes down some more, I am not stepping foot into a beginner yoga class.  Oh the humiliation!  The closest I come to yoga right now is the yoga pants I wear on the weekend.

So what to do, what to do?  Well, a big moment for those of us over 200 pounds who are losing weight is getting to the all important milestone of Onederland.  For those of you who don't know what Onederland is, it's when your weight goes under 200 pounds.  In my ever ending quest to be different I have decided to call my Onederland the moment I hit my Onederwall (Wonderwall according to the Urban Dictionary means, an object of fascination), because I am now obsessed with reaching my goal weight.  Once I hit my Onederwall, I will enroll in beginner yoga.  


That's my promise to myself.  In the meantime, I will continue to climb the stairs and walk as much as I can.  Honestly that is way more exercise than what I did the last time I lost 100 pounds!   Happy Monday!  And here for your viewing pleasure is the total image of cuteness:)

My inspiration and wonderwall:)  The band aid is just because.
He loves wearing band aids, especially Transformers!
The scar on the other eyebrow? Split open by our old coffee table:(

Rocky mountain weigh

I hate exercise.  I've never been an athletic person and this has likely aided into my downwards spiral into obesity.  So I have to get exercise in my day without actually thinking that I'm exercising.  What I have done is I've started taking the stairs.  No more elevators for me. I work on the 4th floor, but make sure I park on P3.  That's one good hike up the stairs when I'm in the office.  I also go up and down the stairs a few times a day to get lunch, see clients, get cool office supplies from the supply room...Some days the supply guy must think I have a crush on him because I'll go down to get one separate item, three times!  Little does he know, I'm just working out.

On the days when I'm not in the office, but in the community with clients, I also take the stairs.  Even if it means I'm helping someone look for housing and I have to walk up 10 flights of stairs in an apartment building.  The building manager may think I'm crazy when I ask to be pointed to the stairs, but what do I care?  It's not like they're actually going to be renting the apartment to me.  I'll end up with the killer ass and legs and when I go back to pay a call, we'll see who's laughing at who!

I know I look ridiculous when I'm climbing (sometimes crawling) up the stairs, and my heavy panting suggests imminent cardiac arrest.  But now I feel like I have to prove to myself that I can do the stairs.  Just last week I was in the stairwell at work, sounding like I just ran the Boston Marathon.  Someone from my floor, but not my department, came in from the third floor.  She looked at me with alarm, but I was able to choke out that I was okay, just catching my breath.  She stood with me for a good five minutes explaining the importance of breathing while doing the stairs.  She even showed me where to breathe from and made me practice breathing from my diaphragm.  I was just so grateful that a) she took the time to help me with my breathing, and b) that no one else came in and caught us with her hand pressing on my diaphragm, because I would have felt like a bigger tool than I already did.

 I must say, since I started doing the stairs a week ago today, I have seen a vast improvement in my endurance (and by endurance, I mean that I still don't have any but at least I no longer feel like dying when I get to my destination).  I don't actually have to rest anymore to get from P3 to my floor.  I still look like complete crap when I get to the 4th floor, but I don't need to stop.  I'm not looking forward to Friday.  I have an all day meeting on the 7th floor.  That's 10 office floors I'll have to climb up first thing in the morning.  All  I can say is that they better have coffee for me when I get there, and some kind of gold star would be nice too.

My actual goal is to climb the stairs of the escarpment in Hamilton, which is where I live.  They are super tall and a five minute walk from my house so would therefore, make the perfect free gym.  Hamiltonians refer to the escarpment as The Mountain.  Now picture if you will something as large and daunting as the Rocky Mountains (4401m).  That is not The Mountain in Hamilton.  Hamilton Mountain is more like a big hill.  It would kill you to toboggan down, but anyone could climb the stairs.  That may be, but when I can climb to the top of the escarpment, without feeling like impending death, I will feel like I climbed the Rockies:)