Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Heloise revisited

I'm quite proud of myself.  I did something tonight I thought I would never do on my own.  I ran.  That's right, I ran all by myself.  Now if my clinic instructor knew that I ran during dusk on the Rail Trail where there is no lit path, I might get in a lot of shit.  Not only was I wearing all black, but I wasn't wearing anything reflective.  I did not follow the running safety speech I just heard yesterday in my 5k clinic.  And I could have easily been mowed over by a  bike, since there were lots of them...with no lights, or warning bells!  And I was listening to my MP3 player and was therefore very distracted.  So I broke just about every running rule I know of.  If they hear about me at the Running Room, they may ask me to leave the club lest my nefarious attitude towards important safety practice rub off on other runners I come into contact with!

The point is that I did something I thought I wouldn't enjoy on my own...and it wasn't that bad. Granted I was listening to a book on tape. And it wasn't any book on tape, it was this book on tape. I was hot and bothered by the end of my run and wasn't sure if it was from my exertion, or the book. Judge me all you want, but it made my 40 minute run go by so quick.  I just may listen to books on tape during every run.  I paid no attention to my watch and my run felt almost effortless.  It also kept my mind off of possibly being attacked, either by evil bikers, or wild animals (since my section of the rail trail is pretty dense).  My laces hitting my shoes made me think that someone was running behind me the whole time.

I have started thinking about my "incentive" for when I hit my Onederwall (Onederland to others).  I am referring of course to Heloise.  You can read about her here.  I'm almost there.  I have 7 pounds to go.  Then I'll have to make the trip to the tat place...and receive my reward.  I think I'm more nervous about the actual procedure, not getting the tattoo bigger.  The tattoo will represent my son (I'm gonna get his birth date in the banner instead of his name), but also my weight-loss milestone of getting under 200 pounds.  A weight I have not been in over a dozen years and then, only for a short time before I ballooned back up to the 280's...sometimes 90's.  My highest weight ever was 310, just before my son was born.

A close up of Heloise.  You can see how faded she truly is.
I know there are still some who do not think that altering my tattoo is a good idea.  I feel as though the very little thought I put into getting it the first time around will be rectified by the important meaning it will represent once it is reborn.  My son is my world.  If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would have gotten serious about my health.  It's funny how I didn't think to do something as important as getting back my life just for me, but needed the incentive of having a child to see the seriousness of my destructive ways.  It is because of my special little guy that I will ignore the butterflies (no pun intended) in my stomach and welcome my new tattoo.  Like I said in my previous tattoo post, if I'm gonna have a permanent scar on my body, it might as well be beautiful and something that has meaning to me.  My altered tattoo will represent not only Heloise's rebirth, but mine as well.