Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The post about another orthotic adjustment, Rockets and being Forever 21

Thanks for all of the supportive comments in regards to my last post about my unsightly bat wings. I'm not embarrassed by them.  They are a daily reminder to me about what I have accomplished. They are definitely a work in progress and regardless of how much I work them, they may never be "normal" looking.  But I'd rather have them than weigh 300 pounds again.  In a perfect world I'd have guns like Kelly.  But alas I do not.  I can't complain.  Other than my saddle bags (which are getting better the more I do physio exercises and run), my bat wings are my only real "problem" area.

This morning was my follow up appointment for my orthotics.  They were adjusted once more and the newly positioned lump feels closer to where it should be.  Only time and distance will tell if it will work this time. My follow-up is on Independence Day with the chiropodist.  He's going to re-asses me.  The best way for me to explain my condition is by the example I was given today. When I run I'm a little off balance.  Because of this I use my toes to grip, which makes them bend, and leads them to cramp over time.  It has nothing to do with hydration or magnesium (thanks for the tip Karen but I already tried that).  The lump in my orthotic helps to straighten my toes when I push off instead of allowing them to bend.  Please, please, please let this work.  I just want to run pain free!

Yesterday morning I woke up super early.  Four-thirty AM!!!!!  I went to the bathroom and had major heart palpitations because my urine was red.  It took me a few minutes to figure out why.  I roasted beets and made beet salad the night before.  Phew!  I was genuinely freaked out for a few minutes because I figured that could not be normal.  And it's not.  But I guess it's the same ailment I get when I have green pee after eating asparagus.

A super early wake up meant I had a super early run yesterday.  I ended up doing 8K since I had some extra time.  I ran through the city.  I was going to head out on the rail trail but got freaked out a couple of weeks ago when I ran on it early one morning.  There was a shifty looking guy riding a bike.  And even though nothing happened and he just went on his way, it still eeked me out a bit. Not many people frequent the rail trail before 6am.  If something were to happen to me, no one would hear me if I screamed.  And I can't out run a bike.  So, the rail trail is only for weekend runs which I do later when there are lots of people running, walking, biking.

I get asked a lot how I lost weight.  Everyone wants to know what my "secret" is.  Honest to God it makes me want to scream.  There is no secret.  Sadly, I had to work really hard and completely change my life and eating habits.  The "askers" usually start out looking interested in hearing about my diet plan, then lose interest really quickly when I tell them what I've given up.  They always say something along the lines of, "That would never work for me because I can't give up dairy, or pizza or (fill in favorite food here)".  The truth is that it will never work for you because you don't want it enough and you're not ready to change your life.  And just like I used to, they use every excuse in the book as to why they can't eat healthy and exercise regularly (there are usually financial and time issues).   Trust me, I know all about financial and time issues.  I'm on a very limited budget and wake up at 5am to run before I commute 1.5 hours to work.

I lost and gained lots of weight from the time I was 7 until I reached goal at 42.  The reason my weight went up and down for 35 years is because I didn't get it.  I lost a hundred pounds in about 8 months in my late 20's and gained it back just as quickly as I lost it, and then some.  That is because I wasn't willing to change the way I ate.  I finally got it and that is why I'm finally maintaining for the first time in my life.  I've been pretty much the same weight, give or take a pound, since mid-December.  I wouldn't consider myself a maintainer until 6 months changes into years, but I know that as long as I continue doing what I am doing, my weight will stay the same. So that means eating clean for me.  No processed food, no grains, no legumes, no sugar, no dairy, nothing artificial.  I follow the 85:15 Paleo rule (85% compliance, 15% other which for me means cream in my morning coffee, natural peanut butter before long runs once per week, gummies or gels during long runs and wine on Sunday).  That's it and it's working for me.

The way I eat now is pretty much the same way that I ate when I lost the weight.  I refuse to regain, so that is the way it will be for now and ever more.  I run anywhere between 40 and 60 kilometers a week, depending on what I'm training for.  I start marathon training in two weeks so my mileage will go past 60K in the third month of my four month training schedule.  I never reward myself with food.  After a long run, I eat the same food I eat everyday.  My guilty pleasure is red wine on the weekend.  I have a standing Sunday wine date with my girlfriend Elin.  Since I drive there and back, I have a couple of glasses over the afternoon and call it a day. Maintenance is hard work.  It hasn't gotten any easier once I reached goal.  But it has become routine and I'm comfortable with my routine.  I certainly have temptations, but I'm able to walk away because I didn't work this hard just to gain it all back.

Just yesterday I was shopping with a client and we were in a dollar store in the candy aisle.  I saw the giant rolls of Rockets which I used to love and I'm not gonna lie, it was hard to see them.  I used too buy a bunch of them and eat them in my car until my mouth went raw and my stomach hurt.  No lie, I had a stash of them in my glove compartment.  My mouth started to water and for a second, I thought "I should just get a roll".  Then I did what I always do when I get tempted by something I deem off-limits, I felt my hip bones and walked away.  For me, getting one roll will lead to another roll, which will lead to another roll and pretty soon I won't be able to feel my hip bones anymore.  SO NOT WORTH IT!

When I first started losing weight, I had daily pity parties and cried over everything I was losing. But my self pity changed pretty quickly and I got stronger and stronger everyday that I stayed on plan. I was tired of being fat and immobile.  I was a prisoner in my own body.  And what was I really losing?  All the shit that goes hand in hand with being morbidly obese, that's what.  Giving up foods I thought I couldn't live without was a small price to pay for everything I was going to gain. And now that I am 125 pounds lighter, I can't ever go back.  I've just begun to start living a life I still can't believe is mine.
During the same shopping trip yesterday, my client and I went into a store called Forever 21.  It's a unisex clothing store for younger people and has trendy clothing.  I noticed there was a plus size section and was intrigued so went to take a look.  I'm not used to seeing plus sized clothing in trendy stores.  Anyway, I'm perusing the racks and a sales girl comes up to me and makes eye contact with me, then smiles, then clears her throat and says, "I don't know if you're aware of this, but this is the plus size section.  Are you looking for a gift?"  When I tell her I am not, that I'm just looking around, she leans in close to me and says "I hope you are not offended, but there's nothing here that will fit you."  Honest to gravy I wanted to cry.  I always feel anxious looking in regular sized clothing stores because I think people are judging me and think I'm too big to shop there (even though I'm a size 8).  Never in a million years did I think I'd be told I'm too small to shop in a store.  I smiled at her, thanked her for making my day, and walked away.