Friday, January 13, 2012

Not fade away

Have you ever done something in your life that you regretted?  I don't regret too much about my life because I think that each mistake/error in judgement I have made, has taught me something and made me the person I am today.  And I think, despite my anal retentiveness, that I'm pretty awesome.  Ask my husband.  He would concur...or else!

There is one teeny, weeny thing that I absolutely, 100% do regret though (and my mother is frowning at me from heaven right now, saying "I told you so").  When I was 28 (1998), and enjoying my recent (and only for a short time) 100 pound weight-loss, one of my girlfriends (who shall remain nameless GA) talked me into accompanying her to a tattoo parlour so that she could do something wild and crazy since she had turned, or was turning 30.  So I went, I supported, I got bored and suddenly, I thought it was important for me to get my own tattoo.  So I did.
This was my randomly chosen tattoo. Her name is Heloise.
Notice my newly emerging collar bone as well:)
Beauty, isn't she?  No seriously, it was the worst, in a moment decision I ever made.  Not only did I randomly choose a picture (to spend eternity on my body), but I also randomly chose a sight.  Really didn't give ANY thought as to where I actually got tattooed.  If only I wasn't so modest, I should have gotten it on my ass.  No.  Instead I got it on a place where my mother was most definitely going to see it.  Believe it or not, I did dodge her for several months.  When she finally noticed and commented on it with a shrill, "Now why did you have to go and do something so stupid?", I simply shrugged and said, "What?  This old thing?  I've had this for years."  She never actually knew when I got it.

So this tattoo has been the bane of my existence for many years.  I tried to but couldn't cover it for my wedding.  I spent the whole church portion clutching a shawl around my shoulders so it couldn't be seen by my already disapproving priest.  I was married in a Catholic church and he knew that my hubby and I were living in sin prior to our nuptials.  Sight of the tattoo would have further cemented his opinion that I was nothing but a wanton hussy steering my husband into Satan's clutches.  Throughout my wedding day, there was a little voice inside my head saying "You shouldn't have gotten the tattoo".  In actuality, the voice wasn't inside my head, but my mother's constant whispers during photos, leaning into talk to me at the head table, assisting me in the bathroom.  You get the picture.  And she was absolutely right!

But I do have it, so what do I do?  Well many of you are probably thinking I should go for laser removal or perhaps try the new tattoo removal cream available at Walmart and other fine stores.  I am doing neither.  Instead, another girlfriend has talked me into actually getting it made bigger.  What?  That's right.  Since I don't want to undergo laser removal, and am not going to risk using a cream that could make it look even worse, I have instead opted to go the route of making my mother completely turn over and jump out of her grave.  I am going to get my tattoo touched up with a banner and a lovely flower added to it which will incorporate the butterfly motif.  Inside the banner will be my son's name.  If I have to have my body permanently scarred, the scar might as well be beautiful.

I have actually gone for a consultation with a tattoo artist who whipped up a drawing for me that was really quite lovely.  The banner and flower are about three times bigger than my current butterfly.  It's gonna cost $140.00, so I had to talk to my husband about it first.  I was nervous beginning that conversation and he must have sensed my unease because when I blurted out what I planned on doing, he let out a HUGE breath and said, "Whew, I thought you were going to say you wanted another baby."  He was quite supportive about me permanently scarring my body further, and thankful that we are not having another baby.

So the only thing left to decide is when to get this master piece permanently etched into my right pectoral.  Well, after taking all things into consideration, I have decided to get this tattoo when I hit my Onederwall.  I have not given myself any kind of weight-loss incentives to date.  And honestly, I'm not sure if this really is an incentive.  I mean, I have sensory issues and my first tattoo was mighty uncomfortable.  The forty minutes it took to get the tattoo done was like nails on a chalk board for me.   By my calculations, I have until spring to get my head around this.  My conscience, AKA my mother (yes we still speak regularly), tells me that maybe I should rethink this, but my heart tells me that this is the way I want to honour the love and devotion I have for my son.  My conscience and heart constantly fight, and nine out of ten times, my heart wins.

16 comments:

  1. I love that you still hear your mothers voice... It gives me hope that my children still hear mine...:)

    I pierced my ear (a second whole in just one ear) I thought I was a such a rebel...lol. But to this day I still where the second piercing to remind myself I don't always do what people think I should. And heck now it is popular to have multiple piercings. My daughter even pierced her belly button... how gross is that. :) I hope she always loves it by the way.

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  2. Last year I wanted to get a tattoo but my mother suggested that I try out a henna tattoo first to see if liked it. Long story short I didn't get the real thing. Mother really does know best. lol

    But your tattoo is beautiful and I'm sure it would be even more beautiful with your sons name.

    Meg
    Undeniablymeg.blogspot.com

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  3. Wow that took 40 mins?? I just got my upper back done an my arm redone an both combined only took 2 hours and they are pretty big lol I got my back done for my daughter it's a Celtic motherhood knot and in the middle I have a red (filled in) circle to represent my daughter ( red is her birth stone) I absolutely love it and yes some ppl don't agree but it's your body if it makes you happy an you know you can live with it do it. I never regretted any of my tattoos but if for some reason I need them gone for a day thats why they invented tattoo cover up right? Def post a pic when your done.

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    1. On reflection, maybe it was just 20 minutes. It hurt like a bitch so maybe it just felt like 40:)

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    2. Lol well def post pictures when you get it. I love artwork!!! My most recent is on my blog I get mixed reactions towards it. but I absolutely love it and wouldnt change it for anything.

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  4. I was supposed to get a wrist tattoo when I lost 30 pounds, it was planned and drawn and we were heading out the door when the tattoo artist canceled. I'm not sure if I regret not doing it or if I am relieved

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  5. I have tons of tattoos and I'm not sure if I regret any yet. lol. I cannot wait to see your finished product!

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  6. "Sight of the tattoo would have further cemented his opinion that I was nothing but a wanton hussy steering my husband into Satan's clutches." That made me laugh out loud.
    Yes sometimes our mothers' (if it's not one problem it's a mother) can make us regret some things, but you have a plan and it sounds like the finished product will be very nice:)

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  7. Haha. I have always wanted to get a tatoo. I want it on the inside of my foot. A totally hideable spot! I ALWAYS worry about regretting it in 15 years however.

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  8. Hi My first marriage was to a tatoo artist, so I have a few. I too can hear my Dad being upset, having said that 22 years later they seem to be from another lifetime, but I think your idea for the embellishing the existing one will really have meaning for you. I have talked to my second and current husband and he thinks I should get them colored because the color has faded over the years. My niece always laughs that I will be the little old lady in the nursing home with tatoos...They are much more acceptable now. good luck in your decision and thanks for visiting my blog. see you again. smiles.

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  9. Thanks for visiting my blog!

    I have recently given up sugar and carbs due to some health issues, so I'm looking forward to reading about your journey and also which foods you eat. It can be tough to come up with new things! Have a wonderful weekend.

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    1. Thanks for the support Melissa. I loved looking at the beautiful things you have highlighted in your blog. Good luck with your new diet. I've started posting recipes, and will likely do a couple a week. Right now I just eat lean protein, leafy greens and vegetables that grow above ground. I'm having to really use my imagination to come up with good recipes. Keep me posted about how you do, and I'll keep looking at the pretty things you post:)

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  10. Actually, I rather like that little butterfly and I would not touch it! It is part of who you are and where you were at that time. You can look at it with a memory. If I was to get another tatoo (as you want to change that one) get it somewhere else.

    Lynda :)

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    1. Thanks for your comment:) If I don't get the tattoo altered, I'd rather have it removed and be tattooless (is that a word?). I really, really do not like it the way it looks now. It is really faded and dull.

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  11. I like your butterfly, but I understand how you feel. I got a tattoo when I was 18 and a little tipsy. It took me all of 30 seconds to pick it out - so there was no thought process, at all. It's on the back of my shoulder, so not always visible, but when I wear a swimsuit or tank top it is. I like tattoos, but not mine because it has no meaning, so I wish I would have waited. I think, it's great that you are turning yours into one you will love.

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  12. In general, tattoos are not well received by the public and often create a barrier to employment. Individuals with tattoos. are often perceived as antisocial, aggressive, or immature and as being unable to accept controls and authority

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