Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The post about how much I hate humidity and being an anxious eater

Me at 6:45 am.  My pace was a pitiful 7:20 per kilometer.

This morning's run was BRUTAL.  I was supposed to do a 10K tempo run (a tempo run is faster than your comfortable run), and only made it to 8.5K before I had to pack it in.  I started to feel light-headed and dizzy.  I fueled up with energy powder before hand, but I just could not handle the humidity.  Even at 5:30 am the air was super thick and gross.  My tempo run was run at a pretty bad pace and I'm sure that near the end I was just shuffling along.  The run sucked.  The good news is that I can make it up on Saturday.  I'm slotted to do 8K tomorrow, so I'll do 6K, then I'll do the 10K on Saturday when I'm supposed to do the 6K. Hope that's not too confusing.  By the time I got home, my running clothes were soaked.  Like you could ring them out soaked.  So, so icky.

Today was a hot one.  I was in the office all day which meant I was pretty cold and wore an outfit that would not make me freeze.  But once I stepped out to get some lunch, I just about died.  It was horrible out today. I left briefly just after noon to grab a 1/2 roasted chicken with steamed veggies for lunch, then didn't head out again until 6:30 when I left for home.  It was still freaking hot at 6:30.  It's still freaking hot now.  I like warmer weather, but I'd be happy if we had fall temperatures year round.  Comfortable to be outside, and great to run in.

My husband took one look at me
when I got home and said,
"you wore that all day?'
The a/c at work is frigid!

Today at work I had a conversation about my weight loss with a group of co-workers having lunch. They were eating pizza and salad. They asked if I would ever eat pizza again, and I said that it was highly unlikely. That brought on a lot of sad faces and "poor you" type of comments.  What others don't understand is my eating plan and the strictness of it works for me.  Someone commented that a slice of pizza wouldn't kill me. I said that I just can't go there.  It's not worth it to me.  I'd love to be the kind of person who can eat whatever I want in moderation. But with my binging past, I know that is not possible for me.  No one has to pity me though.  It's just food. In the past, I put way too much value on food.  It's important to keep me alive, yes, but it's not my entertainment or my comfort anymore.

I remember when I was nearing maintenance.  The one thing that caused me to panic was the variety of foods I should be able enjoy on maintenance.  I thought, "I can have ice-cream again" "I can have chocolate and pasta again".  And for a fleeting moment I'd feel joy that would quickly turn into fear.  I just kept thinking that I was going to continue struggling on maintenance because I'd definitely over indulge and I'd gain weight that I'd have to lose again.  Then I thought that I'd just stick to the eating plan I was following but indulge once per week after a long run.  That sounded too much like a reward to me and I swore I'd never reward myself with food again.

It wasn't until I committed to following Paleo for maintenance that I felt calm and at ease again. Paleo is black and white.  There is no grey area.  It's simple and structured, and it was exactly what I needed.  It was truly my "aha" maintenance moment.  So when people feel the need to pity me for my diet, don't.  I actually like the way I eat.  I'm never hungry, I'm full of energy, and I've never felt better.  And I'm in complete control of my eating.  That is really important for me and makes me feel safe.  So when I get asked what will make me a successful maintainer, it means never letting food control me again.

Dinner was a simple salad with chicken breast, tomatoes,
onion and avocado.

My eats for today.