Thursday, October 10, 2013

The post about a healing ankle, firemen and my self-esteem

It was a special day so I decided to dress up for my appt.
at the fracture clinic.  I was also having a good hair day.

  • Today's post is going to be mostly about my fractured ankle, my self-esteem, and some random shit thrown in. No food or food journal today.
  • So yesterday was the big day.  I fractured my ankle five weeks ago today.  I went to the fracture clinic, and was told I no longer need to wear the moon boot. The doctor advised me to start physio right away, and to return to regular work hours after Thanksgiving.  Yes, and yes! I honestly felt like I'd been freed from prison.  That's what it totally feels like when you can't go anywhere by yourself. Since it was my right ankle that I broke, I couldn't drive.
  • Just before my fracture clinic appointment, my hubby and I made our way to the car to discover that he left the door ajar and therefore the light was on.  My battery is in need of replacement so I knew right away that the car would be dead.  Sure enough, it wouldn't turn over.  It's a 15 minute drive to McMaster, I had about 30 minutes to spare and no money for a cab. Luckily my neighbor was home and didn't have to return to work for another 1.5 hours.  She came through like a trooper and drove me to Mac.  Her dog was trying to sit on me the entire way but it made no difference to me.  I had to get to the fracture clinic.  It was imperative that the doctor let me take the cast off.  
  • It felt really weird to walk with a regular shoe on again. Or in my case, a riding boot.  I decided that it was a big day and I dressed for the occasion.  I wore my new riding boot to the clinic, and both my riding boots home.  I also decided that if I needed a projectile to hurl at the doctor if things didn't go my way, I'd get better acceleration from the boot if I spun it in the air first.  I'm kidding of course, I'd never damage a good pair of boots (or use violence against another person).
  • The first thing I did after dinner last night was head over to my girlfriend Elin's house to use her scanner...and I drove myself!  I feel like a big girl again.

Top Left: I got sprung baby! See the moon boot in the back seat? Cheesy grin.
Bottom Left: At physio this afternoon. My ankle is being iced and electrotherapied.
Right: Waiting for my x-ray yesterday. I was really annoyed because I never found
out what the #1 weight-loss secret was. The page was missing.

  • Just when I got to the hospital yesterday, everyone was evacuated from the hospital because the fire alarm went off.  I had to wait ten minutes before they let us back in.  It was just a false alarm.  On the plus side, I got to see firemen.  I love men in uniform. And there were lots.  Men in uniform, men with accents, men with tattoos, bald men. Love them all!
  • Today was a super busy day.  I had an almost 3 hour meeting this morning via telephone.  After that, I showered and dressed, ate lunch, then headed out to do a grocery shop before heading to physio.  And I did it all by myself!  The ankle held out surprisingly well.  I was happy to be able to wear both of my motorcycle boots today.
  • Today at physio, Graham had to re-asses me for the ankle.  He spent a lot of time twisting and turning it.  I was surprised to learn that the break happened further up my leg than I thought.  I thought I broke it where it was swollen, but that's actually where I sprained it.  He grossed me out because he felt up my leg and pressed in where the bone was weak.  It didn't really hurt, but it felt weird and yucky.  
  • So we're aiming for 6 weeks of physio before I can start running again.  That brings me to the week of November 18th.  Plenty of time for me to train for the Chilly Half Marathon the first weekend in March 2014.  Three weeks later will be the Around the Bay 30K.  I CANNOT WAIT.
  • I've been feeling really flabby these past five weeks.  If I didn't break my ankle, I would have clocked 250K in September.  My body would look and feel so different than it does right now.  Breaking my ankle has really done a number on my self esteem.  

I always used to photograph myself looking up because I thought it made
my face look thinner.

  • I was chatting with  my on-line friend Shawn this week and we got onto the topic of how I look and feel about myself.  Shawn got me to thinking about how I'm always so quick to point out my flaws but I never say nice things about myself.  The emotional issues that go along with losing a substantial amount of weight do not end at maintenance.  I have to admit that I was not prepared for the amount of healing and self acceptance that goes along with a significant weight loss.  I lost 132 pounds in about 15 months (121 of that was lost in 14 months following Dr. Poon's diet).  I know that during times in my adulthood , I weighed over 300 pounds.  That  has been recorded at my GP's office three times.  I'm sure there were times when my weight went higher than the 310 pounds that was recorded. I can see that just by looking at old pictures.
  • I always thought that if I could just lose weight, everything would be better in my life. Don't get me wrong. I have a great life.  I'm healthy, I'm in the best shape I've ever been and I wear a size 8 (never in a million years did I think I'd wear size 8).  But it's not as simple as you lose the weight and you are healed.  Your mind continues to struggle with the new body you  have and the way you view yourself. People tell me I am beautiful all the time.  It's lovely to hear, but it can also make me uncomfortable. When I picture myself in my head, I see the person on the left.  I lived with her the majority of my life. When I see the person on the right in the mirror, or reflected in a window, she's still a stranger to me. I still need to get to know her better and I need to be kinder to her.  She's worked hard to get to where she is today and I need to cut her some slack.
  • It's been a while since I posted anything I love about myself, so here it goes.  In number form because I have to come up with 10 things.  All physical attributes.
  1. I love my hair.  It's the longest it's ever been in my whole life. Who knew that at 43 I could pull off long hair?
  2. I love that I'm 43 and look younger.  In the picture above, I'm make-up free (except mascara).  I also have very little gray hair. Just a few strands here and there. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!
  3. I love my teeth.  They were straighter when I was younger (I never wore braces), and they have started to shift a little.  I don't mind though.  I think it adds character and perfection is over rated.
  4. I love my shoulders.  The boniness of them freaked me out at first, but I think they look quite elegant.
  5. I love my collar bones...for the same reason I like my shoulders.
  6. I love that I'm 5'7".  Just because I like being tall.
  7. I love that my thighs don't rub together.  If you had to live with that your whole life, you'd understand. 
  8. I love my face dimples (minus the divot).  They didn't really show up until I lost weight.
  9. I love that even after losing all the weight I did, my abdomen is in pretty good shape.  You can see my belly pictures here.  I need to update, but won't be doing that until I start running again. 
  10. It's hard to come up with ten things...I'll have to say that I love how I feel.  I've never felt better in my life and the fact that I can run for three hours straight still amazes me.  I'm curious to see what my resting heart rate is now that I've been sedentary for 5 weeks.
  • That was not easy to do, but it was definitely therapeutic.  Over the past five weeks, I have not felt good about myself.  I think that I have been a bit depressed because I was pretty much home bound. Now that the cast is off, I feel like I'm reborn.  Sounds cheesy, but true.  I'm half way back to running and running is very therapeutic for me. It gives me confidence.  I think I look better when I run, I don't worry about eating when I run, I feel stronger when I run.  And how is it that I can run for three hours alone and not be bored, but stick me in a gym for 20 minutes, and I'm dying to leave.  It's because I enjoy the alone time.  Gives me the opportunity to work out all my problems and I actually come up with solutions!
  • It's after midnight and I have a telephone meeting in the morning.  Regardless of where you are in your weight loss journey, or even if you aren't on one, I want you to write out 10 things you love about yourself. You'll feel better once you're done. I did!